


My Arranged Gay Marriage

by Children_of_the_Shadows



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 48,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2543162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Children_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Children_of_the_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prologue

There was a knock and a subsequent open and close of the office door. Lily scrutinised her new client carefully: polished high heels underneath stylish robes, perfectly applied make-up, and the branded shoulder bag suggested a strong, independent woman. The hesitance on her face told Lily that she'd never done this before; that Lily would have to be very careful with her.

'Welcome to  _Perfect Match_ , Jane. You don't have to be nervous; we've talked through Floo before.' Lily gave her most winning smile. 'It's just a few silly procedures; agreement forms and tosh.'

Jane smiled weakly. 'I feel a bit unsure, that's all. I mean, there's no guarantee that-'

'There is always a guarantee, Jane,' Lily cut in with practiced confidence. 'Our organisation is dedicated to finding you a perfect match. We take each of our clients very seriously. Human emotions are fragile, as are their personalities; and we make it a point to understand you before going further.' Lily smiled. 'We've had a string of successful matches. I could brag about the list for hours, but the one I'm most proud of is Remus and Sirius. They were my very first match, and the ones who inspired me to open this company.'

Jane looked confused and a little curious. 'Remus and Sirius? A gay couple, you mean?'

'We don't differentiate between genders, Jane, and we certainly don't hold any prejudices. Love is blind, after all.' Lily felt a boost to her ego for having guessed correctly that Jane would be interested. Her face alone told Lily that she wanted to hear their story; to find out how  _Perfect Match_ had played a part; to gain assurance.

Lily smiled, turning to the myriad of pictures hung on the wall behind her. There were pictures of the couples she'd worked with, but her favourites were those of her family. There was one picture that she particularly loved of Remus from all the way back in Hogwarts. James had an amiable arm around his shoulders, and his infectious grin had spread into Remus's face in the form of a shy smile. Lily had fallen for that shy smile and those innocent amber eyes that he kept hidden underneath thin framed glasses. 'Fallen'; until she discovered that an entire childhood spent with James also gave Remus a mischievous streak.

'That's our Remus,' Lily summoned the picture and handed it over to Jane. 'My husband's childhood friend, since Merlin only knows when. You can't tell from this picture, but Remus had a…condition. He was sick a lot, so he was always desperately trying to look average but was anything but.'

Jane's tense shoulders finally relaxed. 'He's adorable.'

Lily smiled fondly. 'Remus lost his lover post war and with it, he also lost his faith in the magical world. He gave up his wand, got all his records removed from the ministry as a last request from Dumbledore. In the muggle world, he was simply Remus John Lupin, a brilliant chef stuck in a small, not so brilliant restaurant.'

'That's horrible,' Jane whispered. 'The war itself was…' She shuddered, obviously not wanting to remember Voldemort and the terror he'd spread only a few years ago. 'He must have been so frail after that…'

Lily laughed. ' _Remus?_  Don't be fooled by appearances, Jane. I've known Remus since we were eleven, and I can tell you this: he was the last person you wanted to mess with.'

* * *

 

The crowd went wild, screaming, cheering, some even cursing, as Remus spat his mouth braces and walked out of the ring. It had been a ridiculously easy fight; a ridiculously easy win, granted the bastard had nearly dislocated his shoulder. His motive wasn't to fight, but he still appreciated a strong opponent like everyone else. He could hear his name being chanted now, steadily getting louder as he got closer to the crowd.

'Romulus! Romulus! I'm Lucas Paine and I could make you-'

Remus waved him off, pushing him gently to the side so that he was swamped by the crowd and out of Remus's way. 'Sorry,' he replied, tilting one side of his lips in a mock smile. 'I already have a job.' He exited through the swinging doors, glad when the loud cheering was reduced to nothing more than muffled voices in the vast white hallway.

Remus basked in the complete silence of the bathroom, head dipped under the shower. He could taste the sweat that washed away, along with a tang of iron that suggested rusty piping. He surveyed his body closely, scrunching his eyes to see if there was any bruised flesh. He smiled to himself when he found only one area, still reddish, on his upper arm.

'You know, someday, they're going to figure out that you don't see as well as you fight, and kill you.'

Remus turned off the shower and blinked the water out of his eyes. 'Lily, what a surprise,' he droned, opening the stall door and coming face to face with the only woman in the world Remus ever looked twice at. She was holding his winnings, making a show of counting it, even though he was sure she already knew how much it was. 'I see you helped yourself to my bag. There's some chocolate in the corner pocket if you like.'

Lily rolled her eyes and flung Remus's underpants at his face in reply. 'Don't try to buy my favour, Remus. I'm here to give you a good talking to.'

'Don't know why,' Remus replied, unperturbed. He got a talking to from Lily so often, he near expected to be grounded this time. 'Prongs would have loved it. I honestly should have gotten tickets.' He pulled out his glasses from the bag. The world came into focus and he saw the wife of his best friend shooting him an irritated look, her right foot tapping an impatient rhythm. He smiled at her toothily, revealing unusually sharp canines.

'That innocent grin doesn't work on me, Lupin,' she scolded, waggling her finger. 'These people told me you've been fighting here for four months now. Four months!'

Remus shrugged, looking utterly unapologetic and slightly mischievous, like a naughty child struggling to play innocent. 'Did you know this is the men's toilet? If someone walks in right now; they'll think  _Romulus_  is celebrating his victory quite adventurously. '

Lily ignored him. 'I told you to come to us if you needed the money.'

'I don't need the money,' Remus replied stiffly, zipping up his dull grey trousers. 'I need the release.' He pulled on a hideous, red plaid shirt and buttoned it up to the collar; sleeves dutifully snug at his wrists. 'You shouldn't be so concerned with everyone, Lily. It'll get you killed.'

Lily huffed. 'I'm not concerned with everyone. I'm concerned with  _you_. If you get yourself into trouble, I'll lose my babysitter.'

Remus chuckled, running his hands back through his hair until it was flattened to his scalp. 'I want to take Harry to the zoo tomorrow, so keep his things out, yeah?' he tucked his shirt into his trousers and belted it tightly. 'How do I look?'

Lily raised an eyebrow, distastefully taking in the high-waist trousers, disgusting shirt, flattened hair, and thick glasses. 'Like an utter git.'

Remus grinned. 'Brilliant.'

* * *

 

'If you ever passed Remus on the street, you'd think he was a college math major. He didn't always dress as bad, thank Merlin; but he always tried to pass off as completely ordinary.' Lily shook her head exasperatedly. 'He did things like this a lot, you know; enlist in odd, shady jobs, despite having a permanent one at the restaurant. He was struggling with money, but the thing about Remus is that he's very proud. He despised charity; didn't matter how bloody poor he was. '

Jane laughed. 'What about Sirius? Did you know right away that the two of them were made for each other?'

'Absolutely not,' Lily replied, shocking Jane. 'We will never claim to know who is compatible to you at first glance. What we promise is to never give up until we find that special someone for you. There will be some mishaps and some very uncomfortable dates, but in the end, we guarantee a life partner.' Lily folded her arms and moved closer, as if sharing a secret. 'We've hooked Remus with a lot of men before Sirius, none of which were successful. But let me tell you about the worst one yet…'

* * *

 

James was whipped. Everyone knew this; everyone told him this; and at this point, James believed them. He didn't how he got talked into his wife's matchmaking scheme yet again. It was bordering on ridiculous at this point; like one of those morning rituals that were completely unnecessary but were forced to do by obsessive women, like mothers and wives. Things like morning kisses, morning showers, healthy breakfasts, peeing in the toilet instead of the sink, and hooking up your best friend with other men.

'Prongs, you just took the wrong turn, mate.'

James did not look at Remus; he couldn't. Not when he was betraying his friend, yet again. Not after he'd promised the last time that, no, he would not make Remus spend an entire evening with a complete stranger. So instead, James stared at the steering wheel, pretending to be hypnotised by casual rotations. 'It's about right, I think,' he replied, laughing weakly. Merlin, he was so fucked. Remus was going to kill him, best friend be damned.

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Change of preferences, mate?' He hummed idly, his fingers tapping the window in tune. 'You do realise that this is a gay district, don't you?' Remus commented after a while. 'I don't think Lily would appreciate you coming on to me like this.'

James realised with horror that given the choice of coming on to Remus and fixing a date for Remus, he would definitely choose the former. The latter, James knew, would mean eminent death. Which just made him the fool driving himself and his executioner to the grounds to be killed. 'Well, I've always been curious about gay bars. What are the drinks named there?' It was the worst excuse James had ever come up with, and he'd come up with many back in his school days. 'I mean, it has to be different, yeah? More er…appropriate to the…uh…community.'

James knew from Remus's expression itself that he'd just dug himself into a very deep hole. 'Well, personally, I'm a big fan of Bob's Cock, but I think Fucking Arsehole will suit you much better.'

James gulped. 'I get it. I get it. I'm sorry. You know I'm just trying to make conversation. We barely talk nowadays, you know.' James shot the widest grin he could manage given the conversation. Maybe if he swerved the car into a lamppost, the awkwardness would somehow disappear. Either that or he would preferably get knocked unconscious and forget any of this ever happened.

'Prongs, I babysit your sprog every day.' Remus suspicious glare was boring holes into James's head. 'What are you hiding, James?'

'It was Lily's idea, I swear!' James confessed, trying to hold on to his manly pride and not bawl out his apology. 'I had no part in it at all. I told her you wouldn't appreciate it and to leave you alone, but you know how she is. Once she gets the idea into her head, there's no stopping her. She thinks you need to settle down and what not.'

Remus spluttered, wide-eyed. 'Settle down? What like, get married?'

'Something like that,' James muttered.

'James, I like dick.'

James felt heat rise to his cheeks at Remus's point blank declaration. He felt the need to curse all the Gods above for his beautiful demon wife and his inability to refuse her anything. He also felt it was important to ask God why he wasn't born deaf to avoid the coming of such a day when he would have to hear his best friend/brother say the words 'like' and 'dick' in a conjoint sentence. 'It's not like that,' James tried to explain futilely. 'She just wants you to find someone special. Look, it's been two years since-'

'Don't. Prongs, please don't.'

James bit his lip. Two years and Remus still had trouble talking about it. Two years and James had to watch helplessly, as Remus struggled to forget, failed, and then settled to just live with the pain and obscurity. 'Look, my point is, you need to have someone to take care of you. It's not like we're fixing your marriage. Merlin knows, Lily would have if that were possible. But for now, it's just a date. It wouldn't hurt you to just sit down and have a couple of drinks with someone; see how it goes from there.'

James took Remus's silence as a 'yes'. Remus wasn't looking at him anymore, eyes trained to the flashing bar lights. James didn't know what Remus was thinking. Even after all these years, Remus concealed his feelings perfectly when he wanted to. Ten minutes of driving in awkward silence later, James realised Remus was throwing a tantrum.

The kind of tantrums that had James (who usually considered thinking as overrated) thinking, over thinking, analysing his over thinking, and then thinking whether his thinking had any point at all. When Remus threw his tantrums, James found there wasn't much difference between his best friend and his four year old son. James had a very low threshold for tantrums, and he often simply conceded to them with a hug and a kiss. The kiss was for his son, not Remus.

'What's his name?' Remus asked, when they finally got out of the car. He pushed his thin, black framed glasses up his nose and sighed.

'Jewel,' James replied, not even wanting to know why someone would want to name their son Jewel. He didn't know what Jewel looked like or even what kind of person he was. It was smarter, he realised back in seventh year, to just go along with what Lily said and pretend that her judgment was divine. The reasoning for his spinelessness: James liked sex. A lot.

' _Remus? You're Remus, aren't you? You're as cute as Lily described!'_

James was not judgmental. He was not. But even he had to cringe when Jewel came rushing towards them, the frills of his overtly tight dress bouncing to his stride. Yes, James did say dress…and frills. Did he forget to mention the red lipstick and electric blue eye shadow?

'I'm going to kill your wife,' Remus said between clenched teeth, before pulling James by the scruff of his neck and crashing their lips together.

'Mmph!' James struggled, arms swaying wildly. Which was a really bad idea because Remus bit really hard.

'Fuck, that was revolting,' Remus spat, once they'd gotten out of the bar. He rubbed his tounge vigorously against his shirt sleeve in disgust.

'Thanks, mate,' James replied sarcastically, wiping his cut lip. 'You could have just said no or ran or something! No, instead, you decide to snog me to get away from Princess Manzilla.'

'You should be glad that's all I did,' Remus ground out, face getting steadily red. 'I'm gay because I don't want to be chasing skirts. Putting a man in one does not solve the problem. That's it. Tell Lily no more blind dates or weird set ups. Or else…or else…'

'I'll tell her,' James reassured, giving in to Remus's tantrum and patting him on the head. He frankly didn't fancy being kissed again. 'I'll get her to stop, I promise. Come on, I'll treat you to drinks, alright?'

* * *

 

'Oh Merlin, that's awful!' Jane exclaimed, partly horrified and partly hysterical with laughter. 'Blue eye shadow, honestly?'

Lily blushed. 'He was a work colleague and a decent bloke. He found someone else shortly after and they've been together since.' She pointed towards one of the pictures of Jewel and his partner. 'Remus wasn't the type to easily fall for someone. He wasn't so much picky as just very suspicious all the time. His motto, if I remember well, was that no one ever did anything without a motive.'

Jane edged closer, barely balancing on the edge of her seat.

'Which suited Sirius Black perfectly, because everything he did was with a motive,' Lily continued. 'Sirius was part of the Black family; very thorough purebloods and a family that invested in molding and perfecting every aspect of its members. Blacks weren't allowed imperfections, which was irony in itself because they were the biggest family of lunatics I'd ever seen.'

Lily pulled down another picture, this time of Sirius Black with her son, Harry. She laughed when Jane couldn't stop staring; Sirius tended to have that effect on a lot of people. With his sleek black hair, chiseled face, and piercing grey eyes; he was like a sexual fantasy come alive. He had clicked with James instantly, their grins matching the mischief in the eyes. The moment she'd set eyes on Sirius Black, Lily had known that she'd bitten more than she could chew.

'He hated that, you know; people staring at his face. He looked a lot like his mother and well, let's just say that they weren't on the friendliest terms. Sirius had it hard, almost as hard as Remus; sometimes, I think, even harder.' Lily sighed. 'He grew up in an abusive family and I think, a lot of the times he wanted to just run away. He didn't though because by the time he was of legal age, he'd enlisted in the…resistance.' Lily only just caught herself from saying Order and Dumbledore. 'He was a spy among the purebloods and maintaining relations was important at that point.'

'So you knew Sirius Black beforehand?'

'No,' Lily laughed. 'But the thing that's very important to remember, Jane, is that matches are really made in heaven. Fate, most people call it. Signs that continuously try to bring you together, like pushing two magnets closer and closer to a range where the laws of physics finally apply. My dear. I'm talking about  _destiny.'_

* * *

 

Remus made a small wounded noise and clutched the back of James's dress shirt tightly. Remus wasn't the talkative kind and James found him extremely small, even for a five year old.

The Lupins became friends with the Potters only recently, and they were very nice people. James's mum said that they were going through a hard time right now, and not a lot of people understood them. James didn't understand either, but his mum told him that a very bad wizard had attacked Remus and almost killed him. The attack had left Remus tra-trau-traumatasizzled. That meant Remus was scared all the time, especially of unexpected things, and didn't trust people as easily. James's mum said that since he was almost six and the older one, it was his job to be Remus's friend and help him. James's didn't have any brothers or sisters, so he didn't mind. He liked how Remus only trusted him and followed him. He liked that Remus always stayed behind him, so that James could be his shield from all the bad people.

There were plenty of bad people in this party, James reckoned. Some were nice, like Uncle (Auntie?) Florence; but there were a lot of purebloods that always kept their noses up as if smelly cheese had been put under it. James didn't like them.

'Jamie,' Remus whispered, tugging James's shirt gently. 'We shouldn't do this. What if they catch us?'

'Don't worry. We won't get caught if you're with me,' James grinned confidently and patted Remus on the head. 'Besides, you want the chocolate, don't you?'

Remus nodded, his amber eyes growing big at the mention of chocolate. Remus, James discovered early on in their friendship, really, really liked chocolate. Remus often got scolded by Mrs. Lupin for eating too much and twice, Remus got sick in James's house after eating three bars of Honeyduke's Finest.

'Bloody hell!' James cursed quietly when he saw a crowd of nameless faces coming towards them. He quickly dove under the table, pulling Remus by the back of his shirt. 'Bloody hell,' he swore again. James loved saying  _bloody hell_ ; his father often said it and it was the most awesome word ever.

'Oi, this is  _my_  place. What are you two stupid tossers doing here?'

James heard Remus's breath draw slightly, so he reached for the younger boy's hand and held it, so that he wouldn't be frightened. There was nothing to be scared of. It was just another boy, sitting cross legged and leaning on one of the table legs. James reckoned he'd been here a long time because he had two whole plates filled with stolen sweets and pastries; one of them nearly empty. The boy's grey eyes glared at them and he crawled closer to them challengingly.

James wasn't afraid of him. He knew who this was; it was that stupid Black boy who all the grownups thought were so wonderful. 'This place isn't yours! So don't go around telling lies!' James stuck his tounge out at Black. 'We're only here because Remus wanted some cake.'

Black scowled as he looked at Remus. He looked like he wanted to hit Remus, so James quickly moved in front. Surprisingly, Black just shrugged his shoulders and handed over one of the plates to Remus. 'You can have mine if you want. I'm not going to finish it anyway. You're small, so you won't reach the table, but your brother can get his own.' When Remus hesitated, Black forcefully shoved the plate into his hands. 'If you tell anyone about this, you're in big trouble, you get that?'

'Don't yell at Remus!' James shouted angrily, feeling even more protective when he noticed that Remus didn't correct Black when they were mistaken for brothers. 'He hasn't done anything to you! You should-'

'Thank you…' Remus whispered softly, surprising James. Remus smiled shyly and bit into one of the cakes, smudging cream all over his face.

Black flushed bright red and looked away awkwardly. 'I-It's not that big a deal. You looked hungry, that's all.' He tried to put on a haughty face, but avoided eye contact with both of them. 'So er…does your mother not allow you eat sweets, also?'

'Well, not a whole lot of course!' James stated as a-matter-of-factly. 'Eating too much will make your tummy hurt, eh, Remus?' Remus blushed brightly under James's wink, and slowed his chewing.

'Mother says sweets make you fat and we aren't allowed it, ever.' Black replied, looking at his plate of goodies guiltily. 'I'm really not supposed to be doing this. Mother will be upset.'

'M-Mothers are not a-always right,' Remus suddenly spoke up from behind James. His face turned red when both James and black's eyes focused on him. He fidgeted uncomfortably, one hand fiddling with the front of his shirt and smearing it with chocolate. 'M-My Mum said Santa eats all my Christmas cookies but I c-caught Daddy eating them last time.'

James's eyes widened. 'That's horrible! Poor Santa!'

Remus nodded in sympathy, taking another bite from his cake.

'Who's Santa?'

James and Remus gasped. 'Santa is the greatest wizard, ever!' James explained in disbelief. How could Black not know Santa? Everyone knew him!

'Salazar Slytherin is the greatest wizard, ever. My mother said so,' Black replied defensively.

'Bloody hell, no!' James argued. He felt sorry for Black if he didn't even know who Santa was. 'He's greater than Salazar, Merlin even! He can travel the whole world in just one night! And on Christmas, he brings presents for everyone who's been good all year.'

'Oh,' Black whispered, suddenly looking very sad. 'I don't think I'm very good then.'

'I think you're good,' Remus replied quickly and firmly. Then, as if realising who he was again, he blushed and stuttered, 'Y-You gave me your cake…'

'Yeah,' James replied, feeling a little jealous at how easily Remus was warming up to Black. Remus never talked to anyone outside the Potters and his own family; and even still, he relied on James the most. James was his big brother; James was the one always protecting him.

Suddenly, their conversation was broken by the most high-pitched and frightening scream James had ever heard.

' _SIRIUS! Where is that boy? Sirius!'_

'Bloody hell,' Black copied James's curse and quickly pushed the plates away. 'It's my mother. I need to go now, but don't worry. I won't tell on you or anything.' He bit his lip and stared at Remus a bit oddly. 'You'll get caught if you don't wipe your face.' He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped the smeared chocolate around Remus's mouth. James's mum did that sometimes for James. 'I'll see you then, Remus. Thank you.' Before James could do anything, Black quickly kissed Remus on the cheek and left.

Remus promptly burst out crying, and James had to hold him tightly so that their mothers wouldn't find out where they were. Through Remus's hysterical tears and hiccupping, James could hear that awful shrill voice again.

' _Who did you reduce to tears this time, Sirius? I hope it's not the Minister again! Honestly, I don't know what to do with this child!'_

* * *

 

'You're confused,' Lily stated, not missing the expression of curious puzzlement on Jane's face. 'To someone like you on the outside, this looks like  _chance_ , a random event. But two things happened that day,' she smiled mysteriously before continuing, 'Sirius discovered that he didn't always have to listen to his mother, and Remus, for the next few years, spent comparing that little peck on the cheek to every kiss any girl ever gave him.'

Jane's eyes widened in amazement. 'That is…I've never looked at things that way. I mean, they're life changing decisions; you can't just…'

'It was just a course of things for them. Remus had it easier because he always had James's support. My husband, you see…' Lily smiled fondly. 'He has something of a saviour complex. He feels the need to protect people, to be needed by the ones he truly cares for; bless his immature soul. He brought Remus out of his shell, protected him, spoiled him, and gave Remus what he needed the most: a friend. Remus's weakest point was James, which is why he even bothered to consider Sirius.'

'Because James asked him to?'

'Because James really wanted him to be happy,' Lily clarified. 'And Remus  _was_  happy, but not quite. James understood that. He wanted to help. It was just good luck or maybe  _fate_  that Sirius came along…'

* * *

 

Papers were sent flying everywhere as James tried to regain balance, failed, and fell painfully on his bony arse. One of his air bound files finally decided on gravity and bounced off his head like ping pong ball, knocked off his glasses, and landed gracefully on his lap.

'You okay, mate?'

James rubbed his glasses clean on his shirt and put them back on. 'Thanks,' he muttered, embarrassed, as he took the offered hand and hoisted himself up. 'Guess it's back to filing this shite again, eh?'

The hand belonged to a Ministry worker, Department of Mysteries, James reckoned from the amethyst badge peeking out of his leather jacket. It would also explain why James had never seen him before, considering James knew most of the people working here. People working in DOM tended to be slightly secluded and secretive. He would have noticed this man otherwise; he was the only one not wearing robes. The man was also managing to attract a lot of unnecessary female attention by simply standing in one place.

Vaguely, James thought about asking for his name, but didn't want to admit not knowing someone from the office. James was popular, after all, and he took pride in the fact that he was well known in the Ministry.

The man smiled and gathered up James's papers with a flick of his wand. 'You look overwhelmed. Why don't you take a break? There's a tea room here that's usually empty. We could have a chat or something.'

James grinned. 'A break would be brilliant.' He followed the man into the tea room, which as promised, was completely empty. It made sense; the room was quite far away from the offices and smaller than the cafeteria or other lounges in the building. 'You'd think being an auror would excuse you from paperwork, but it's like I'm being run over by ink and parchment. I think I'm even starting to smell like a tree.'

The man laughed; a low barking sort that struck to James as oddly familiar. He pushed his long bangs out of his eyes. 'DOM isn't much better, I'll have to say. Sugar?'

'Two lumps, please.' James flopped backwards into one of the chairs and sighed heavily. 'It's just gotten worse lately, you know. Being an auror used to be an exciting job at some point, and now we're chasing petty criminals. The other day, we had to capture a tea cup thief. Turned out to be Dung Fletcher… _again_. Next, we'll be rescuing cats out of trees for little old ladies.'

The man hummed and handed James his tea. 'You know,' he said quietly, looking James right in the eyes. 'You have  _lovely_  arms.'

Those grey eyes made James distinctly uncomfortable. 'Er, thank you.' He tried to smile and moved away slightly when the man walked closer, so that their legs were touching. 'I, er, used to play Quidditch back in Hogwarts. At some point, I even considered going professional, but you know how dreams go…' He laughed weakly, wondering if it would be rude to run away. James wasn't sure what was going on, but the man was either going to kill him or snog him; he wasn't sure which was worse.

The man smirked, placing his hands on both sides of James head. 'Well, you can ride my broom any day.'

The man's face came closer till they were nose to nose. Panicking, James flailed his arms like a madman, finding himself toppling backwards for the second time in a day and landing on his bony arse. The chair clattered to the ground and James made a mad rush for it, shielding himself with it should the man choose to make another attempt at sucking James's face. 'Don't make me hex you,' James threatened, pointing one of the chair legs towards the man's crotch.

'Oh, fuck, you're married.' The man said suddenly, noticing the ring of James's hand. 'Why didn't you say so, you stupid git? Damn it!' He moved away, leaving James utterly confused and still wary of another attack. 'Look, mate, I didn't mean to attack you like that. Thought you were queer, yeah.'

James wondered if he emitted some kind of queer pheromone. There was no other explanation for such uncanny incidents. His trousers weren't particularly tight, neither was his hair very well groomed. He had rather large wrists and was virtually colour blind (and thus dressed by his wife). It was definitely the pheromones, or perhaps that flowery fabric softener that Lily insisted on using.

'Fuck, another night sleeping in the park. I really am sorry, mate.' The man sighed and sat on the counter, feet crossed Indian style as he leaned back against the wall. Again, something struck as very familiar to James. 'I got kicked out of my flat recently and its fucking impossible to find a cheap place, you know. I thought if I could rope some horny bastard in for a few days, you know. No offense.'

'None taken,' James replied, brushing his trousers and taking a seat as far as possible. 'Uh…sorry…about being straight and all.' James stared desolately at the broken teacup on the ground before remembering he was a wizard and could easily fix it. 'So are you really, er, gay, or were you just pretending, so that…'

The man blinked. 'Huh? No, I'm utterly bent. Honestly, it would be much easier to rope in women, but I just can't…you know.' He made explicit hand movements across his crotch, in case James didn't quite get the message. James got it and wished his eyes had fallen out someplace. 'Well, you really wouldn't know, since you've got a wife. Sorry, I haven't even introduced myself yet. Sirius Black.'

James's eyes widened and he nearly fell off his chair again in shock. No wonder everything had seemed so familiar. 'Sirius Black? Merlin, is that really you?' Now that James looked back on it, Black looked exactly how James had seen him last. When had that been? Ah yes, the pureblood coming of age ceremony. Black had been the boy before him, all prim and proper, and everyone had watched him in awe filled jealousy. James had never pinned him as the type to even so much as look at muggle clothing. 'I'm James Potter!'

Black looked like he was about to throw up. 'Oh Merlin, I just tried to kiss my cousin. Tea be damned! Where's that Firewhisky?'

James laughed, shocked when Black actually pulled out a bottle of Ogden's from one of the adjacent cabinets. No wonder he knew this tea room so well. 'Hey, look, about finding a place to stay, maybe I can arrange something for you. It won't be easy, but I have a friend…'

* * *

 


	2. The First Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

'I don't understand,' Jane said, frowning. 'How does renting out Remus's apartment get Remus a boyfriend?'

Lily laughed. 'You haven't met my husband, but let me tell you that's exactly how we got together as well.  _Perseverance_  is the key. My husband chased after me for six years; made sure he always got my attention one way or another. He'd climb rooftops, play ridiculous pranks, serenade me with off tune singing and gross pick up lines. There was no end to it.' Lily had loved the attention and how, even now, his world revolved around her. Not that she would ever admit it, even to a stranger. 'I hated James in the beginning, but having someone in your face for almost six years can really get to you. After a while, even his faults started to look endearing. What I'm trying to say is that James was just trying to give Remus a chance to get to know somebody other than the two of us.'

'It was a gamble, though,' Jane argued. 'You didn't know if things would work out between them. Remus was as likely to hate Sirius, as he was to like him. It was completely unpredictable, don't you think?'

'Unpredictable is not the word, Jane,' Lily said shaking her head as she remembered their very first meeting. 'What happened was something you wouldn't even read in one of those horrid romance novels…'

* * *

 

The minute Remus clicked the door open, Harry came bounding towards him, arms outstretched and a wide grin across his face.

'Moony!'

'Hello, love,' Remus called out, catching Harry mid jump. He righted Harry's trousers that always seemed to have the habit of falling off his bum. Lily always bought clothes that were slightly bigger so that Harry could grow into them. The poor child's trousers were always rolled up heavily at the feet; it was miracle he didn't trip more often. Remus didn't know how to break it to Lily, but he suspected Harry might end up on the smaller side of things.

'Guess what Moony has in his hands?' Remus put on his best mysterious face; waggling his eyebrows and twisting his lips into a lopsided grin Harry knew all too well.

'Chocolate!' Harry cheered, arms flying in excitement and feet threatening to break into an amateur tap dance.

Remus quickly covered the boy's mouth. 'Shh! You want mummy to find out and cut off my…er…' Harry gazed up at him inquisitively and Remus wondered what he could say to cover up his sufficiently R-rated statement. 'Er…horsies?'

Harry gasped in awe. 'You have horsies? Moony, can I please have one?'

Remus rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. 'Chocolate, Harry. Let's focus on the chocolate. Now hold out your arms and-'

'Moony, is that you?'

Remus quickly stuffed the sweets into Harry's pockets. 'Not a word,' he whispered, straightening up and putting on a fake smile, as James came in to greet him. It wasn't that James was against Remus gifting chocolates to his son, but Lily wrung the poor bloke worse than Remus's mum used to with his wet underwear. It was sickening, really, how even after four years of marriage, James was as love struck as he had been back in their fourth year.

'Moony!' James smiled and enveloped Remus in a tight, very uncharacteristic hug. His son, always the little copycat, proceeded to hug Remus's knees. 'Honestly, it seems just like yesterday that we met.'

Remus wasn't sure what to make of the extra squeeze and pat on his back. It all seemed extremely suspicious. He would have run the other way, but it seemed Harry had taken quite a liking to his knees. 'James, we  _did_  just meet yesterday, just as we met the day before and the day before, and practically everyday living day of our lives.'

'But it's still brilliant to see you,' James assured. 'You're a good mate, Moony, the absolute best. I can always count on you for anything, no matter what the circumstance. Did I ever tell you that I absolutely adore and worship you?'

Remus sighed. This was going to be another horrible favour he wouldn't say no to. Why? Because Remus  _never_  said 'no' to James. 'You know, you've been coming on to me a lot lately, so I have to tell you this even if it breaks your heart,' He lowered his voice for the sake of Harry's impressionable ears, ' I'm just not gay for you, mate.'

Remus loved teasing James. Despite all the pranks he'd pulled in their school years, James was extremely simple and straight forward. He didn't strategise or think things as intensely as one would expect from a mastermind. He just did things based on other's people reactions and how much attention he was likely to receive. James was one of the smartest people Remus knew, but his leg was so easy to pull, Remus sometimes feared dislocating it.

James was blushing brightly. 'W-Why do you have t-to-'

'Moony, daddy bought me new colouring books today! It's got lots of Quidditch!'

Saved by his son, Remus thought, smiling to himself. 'Is that so? Will you let me colour in it?'

Harry nodded enthusiastically, wrapping a firm hand around Remus's pinky and leading him to the living room. Harry was obviously very happy with his colouring books because they were strewn everywhere, crayons littering the ground in an explosion of colour. Remus reached for one of the red crayons underneath the sofa, before settling down beside Harry on the carpet, He didn't miss the hesitant expression on James's face as he loitered around them, as if confused whether to stand or sit. He also didn't miss the distinct sounds of another male voice coming from the other room.

'Moony, I recently met an old friend of mind at work; cousin actually. One of the few million I have,' James started slowly, as if testing the waters. 'He's a good man; very hardworking and er…sincere. But he's in a bit of a pinch. He lost his apartment and he's honestly been reduced to the streets.'

'Moony! You have to colour her green!' Harry scolded, snatching Remus's brown crayon away and replacing it with a green one. 'She's from Mars!'

'Ah, I see,' Remus nodded, pretending to understand why poor Betty Pittman, star Chaser of the Wasps, was being turned into a green alien. He tried his best to colour within the lines, to avoid Harry's wrath.

James sighed and sat in front of Remus to outdo the attention his son was currently hogging. 'Anyway, you're always complaining about how you want to empty the study, but don't know what to do with it. So why not rent it out to my cousin? You're both struggling to pay for apartments right now, so why not live together and pay half?'

Remus frowned; he had honestly thought James was going to set him up on another one of Lily's blind dates again. If it was an apartment he wanted, then that was just fine. It was time to let go of that study anyway; the study and all the memories that came with it. 'Sure.' Remus shrugged. 'Any inbred relative of yours is always welcome to stay for money. He has to follow my rules though.'

James grinned, shoulders relaxing. 'Brilliant. Oh, and also, he's…er…somewhat like you. I don't mean his personality, but you know…'

Remus wondered if the Seeker was also from Mars. Feeling a little adventurous, he picked up the orange crayon. 'It would be hypocritical of me to reject him for that. Tell him it's not an issue.'

'I'm not talking about  _that_! Well, kind of… _but-_ ' James spluttered. 'I meant he's single, like you!'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Harry's single, too. Why can't he be like Harry?'

For the second time that day, James was saved from an explanation by a family member. This time it was Lily, his wife, looking flushed and smiling an unnatural amount. The last time Remus saw her this worked up was when Gilderoy Lockhart had commented on how she reminded of his adventures with Fire Fairies in the heart of Africa. He had then proceeded to try and cop a feel; not that Lily minded being groped by the Great Gilderoy Lockhart. She probably would have had she known what Fire Fairies actually looked like. Either ways, a flushed Lily Evans always computed to one result: trouble. This time, Remus could practically smell it.

'Jamie, Sirius would like to meet Remus, if that's alright,' Lily said, poking her head out of the door. 'He's been asking questions about his new  _flat mate_  all this time. Remus is okay with it, aren't you, Remus?'

Remus smiled uncomfortably and nodded. There was something wrong. There was definitely something wrong. They wouldn't be this apprehensive about a potential flat mate. Even if the apartment and the study has been a sensitive topic since…Remus didn't talk about that anymore. But James and Lily knew better, didn't they? There was a trick to this request. Maybe the bloke behind the door was some kind of criminal that Remus was being fooled into providing shelter for. It was a possibility, especially if he was a pureblood and related to James. Maybe it was Jewel again and Remus was being tricked into dating him through an underhanded ploy conjured my Lily and James.

'Hello. I'm Sirius Black, and you must be-'

Remus realised that it was a lot worse than Jewel or a murderer. It was so horrible that his mind couldn't comprehend it and had to stare at his orange Seeker to calm his rapidly-bordering-on-arrest heartbeat.

'Blimey…'

All hopes of not being recognised flew out of the window, as Remus wondered if perhaps Harry's blue Keeper would be a better sedative. Blue, after all, often reminded people of the ocean.

On the brighter side of things, it didn't seem to be a ploy on James and Lily's part. They seemed just as confused and shocked into silence. Vaguely, Remus wondered if it would be inappropriate to ask James for another hug.

Slowly, as if hindered by time, Sirius Black walked towards Remus and sat down in front of him. He peered close until they were nose to nose and blinked widely. Remus, usually witty and quick to comeback, was too frozen in position to do anything as Black took off Remus's glasses and inspected him closer. 'Merlin's knickers, it  _is_ you!'

A Cadbury's Chocolate Éclair rolled on the ground, passing Remus in a smooth curve, round the sofa, and at Lily's feet.

Harry burst out crying.

'Mummy, please don't hurt Moony's horsies!'

* * *

 

Jane gasped. 'They met before!' Then frowned, confused. 'Again?'

Lily nodded, chuckling at Jane's stupefied expression. She and James had looked at the two of them the exact same way, if not worse. 'They had met before…again. The only difference is that the both of them remembered this incident. And unlike last time, this incident was not so pleasant.'

Jane's eyes widened and she moved closer, looking partly ready to climb the desk. 'How…?'

'I mentioned before that Remus had had a lover before Sirius. Remus first met him when he joined the resistance against…' Lily hesitated, knowing Jane was probably one of those people who still shied away from mentioning the name. '… _You Know Who_. He was four years older; had more experience on the battlefield, and somehow, Remus came to rely on him. They were together for almost three years before he died.'

Jane breathed in deeply. 'How did he…?'

Lily looked at the picture of Remus on her table sadly, running an affectionate thumb over his smiling face. 'He didn't even find out until late at night. Only a few people knew about them, and Remus wasn't exactly a listed family member. On paper, he was nothing. One of the sisters later contacted him by Floo and broke the news at around nine. Remus just…'

'Broke…' Jane finished knowingly, suddenly looking very upset. 'It must have been hard.'

'Harder because James wasn't there,' Lily said, the old guilty feeling rising up in her again. 'The war had ended only a month ago; everyone was celebrating. We'd gone off to visit James's parents in Norway, so Remus had been left alone. Sometimes I think its James fault for having spoilt Remus so much since they were young. James was  _always_ there for him, even if it was something as trivial as broken toenail.' Lily smiled sadly. 'That night, I don't think Remus knew what to do without someone to ground him. Honestly, I don't think he even knew where he was or what he was doing…'

* * *

 

Horny. If there was one word to describe Sirius right at that moment, it would be horny. There was honestly no explanation for it. Not that he ever needed one; Sirius was  _always_  horny. Except this was an entirely different class of horny; the kind that made you thankful for tight jeans that kept things down and angry at said tight jeans for keeping things down this  _painfully_ , at the same time. Sirius had been this way since morning. It had been an ordinary day; working, eating, and napping when nobody was watching. Except Sirius spent the entirety of his ordinary day trying not to cry from lack of relief. If he'd had any blood left in his brain, Sirius would have tried to find the trigger and used it to find relief.

As it happened, his brain had sufficiently shut down early on and his cock was guiding his legs down the gayest district in London, despite the heavy rain. Gay, at this point of time, could be taken for its literal meaning of happiness. Because that was exactly what his cock was aching for: gayness. Except, Sirius was at his limit and he wasn't in the mood for foreplay. He didn't want to sit and chat over drinks, or ask for first dates, or even ask for a name. What he wanted, he knew he'd find down this street, because that's what this street was famous for. And he just wanted-

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.

His want was standing right in front of him, drenched to the bone. Standing, while everyone else struggled to find shelter; with his light brown hair sticking to his face and his clothes embracing ever nuance of his lean body. When Sirius approached him, he looked up, pearls of water hanging at the ends of his clumped eyelashes.

Sirius felt his breath hitch.

Then he felt his cock twitch and he walked closer.

'There's a nearby hotel here, if you can spare me two hours,' he whispered into the man's ears, his hands already straying impatiently to the man's arse and squeezing. 'Fuck, come on.'

Sirius didn't even bother checking in properly, throwing a business card at the receptionist in exchange for a key. He could feel the heat of the man's skin underneath his wet clothes and his hands struggled to get to it, stripping and unbuttoning what felt like too many layers. He ripped whatever proved to be too much of struggle, not wanting to separate from that hot mouth and fantastic tongue. By the time, Sirius had kicked the door close to their room; the both of them had already left a trail of most of their clothes outside and were pressed against each other, completely naked.

' _Fuck!'_ Sirius cried out, as lips and tongue and teeth travelled down his neck and torso. 'Oh, Merlin.' Sirius felt his knees buckling as the man's mouth closed around his cock, tongue pressing down on the underside. Hands spread his legs wider, exploring in between and experimenting with his balls. 'Ah!' The back of Sirius's head hit the wall and all he could do to steady himself was to bury his trembling hands into brown, wet hair. He could feel it coming; the burning heat searing through his veins, travelling up his spine. 'Fuck. Bloody shite!'

The explosion was intense, blinding him momentarily with nothing but white, as he clutched on to the man's slim shoulders. His hips jerked on its own erratically, riding out his orgasm. He couldn't believe he'd come so quick and hard. Sirius had even lost control of his legs, as he slumped to the ground and reached for him.  _More_ , was all he could think;  _more, more, more._ He could taste his own come on the man's lips. It was foul, but he was too intoxicated to care. He needed, needed…

'Oi! Oi, you alright?' Sirius caught him, just before he fell backwards to the ground. 'Oi, you!' Sirius's hand pressed to the man's chest.  _Breathing_ , he sighed with relief,  _but unconscious_. The skin underneath his palm was burning, a mixture of sweat and rain creating a thin film. The heat, Sirius realised with chagrin, was not sexual, but the product of a rising fever.

'How desperate can you be to work when you've got a fever like this?' Sirius asked no one, hooking his arms under the man's knees and neck and carrying him to the bed. Sirius pulled the covers over the thin body, carefully tucking it around the corners to keep the man warm. 'You're pretty,' he commented quietly, curling soft brown hair between his fingers. 'But I'm really not that kind of pervert.'

Sirius summoned his wand and wallet with a heavy sigh. On the brighter side of things, he really wasn't all that horny anymore. Apparently, a partner falling unconscious during sex was all it took to solve his raging problem. He cast a few drying and warming charms over the man, wondering if he should lie down as well. Suddenly, Sirius was feeling utterly exhausted.

Deciding against it, Sirius got up. He never even asked how much the man charged, not that it would have mattered. Shrugging, Sirius carefully folded all the muggle money he'd been carrying and placed it on the bedside table. It wasn't like he needed the money anyway; Merlin knew he had enough.

There was a soft murmur, a small cry almost from the bed; and Sirius had to stop at the door, just for a while, to gather the word:

' _Fay…'_

Sirius frowned and closed the door.

* * *

 

' _Fate_ ,' Jane whispered with awe, after Lily finished talking. 'Just like you'd said. The chances of them running into each other in such a large district. Even the chances of the Sirius wanting sex the same day Remus was completely gullible, and even the fact that James wasn't there at that time. It's ridiculous how well it all fits!'

Lily laughed, patting Jane's hand sympathetically. 'You'd think, wouldn't you?'

'Well,' Jane urged, 'did Remus let out his flat? He must have been completely embarrassed!'

'He did let out his flat, under the condition that Sirius paid full rent. And he was embarrassed,' Lily confirmed, 'but he couldn't exactly give James a reason for denying Sirius the apartment. Not without telling him what he'd done.'

'But aren't James and Remus tight? I thought they told each other everything?'

'Remus and James are brothers in all but blood. And I doubt you will ever find a pair of brothers who are willing to share details about sexual experiences; especially if one of them happens to be gay.' Lily shook her head hopelessly. 'Also, admitting to the incident would mean Remus admitting he was weak.'

'But given the circumstance, that's understandable!' Jane argued.

'They're men, Jane,' Lily explained sympathetically. 'Pride governs everything they do. James is a person Remus holds above everyone else; someone Remus wants to be important to. For a person as insecure as Remus to admit to being weak is like releasing a guillotine down his own neck.'

'Oh,' Jane whispered, obviously losing her argument.

'Oh, indeed.' Lily smiled. 'Besides, it wasn't as if Remus couldn't handle himself. I told you before; despite appearances, Remus was not someone you wanted to mess with.'

* * *

 

Sirius was extremely confused. If there was a rating card for confusion, one being the lowest and ten being the highest; Sirius's confusion would score a ten.

He was standing at Remus Lupin's doorway, staring as Remus ran around the house in his boxers and shirt, trying to multitask. Lupin hopped to the kitchen as he tried to pull on his trousers, gulped down an entire mug of milk in a matter of seconds, and then hopped to the living room to fetch a tissue to wipe his mouth. Remus then ran to his room again, coming out with his jacket hanging off one arm and struggling to put in the other arm while trying to wolf down as many chocolate biscuits as his mouth could possible manage.

'Oh, did you have breakfast?' Remus asked, half swallowing.

Sirius nodded dumbly.

Was Lupin really a prostitute?

'Well, come on in,' Remus called impatiently, dumping his cup and plate to the sink. 'I babysit Harry till two every weekday, so you can come along with me to the Potters and apparate to work with James.' He zipped his jacket, saving Sirius's eyes from having to look at his bright lime green shirt for a moment longer. 'I have work at the restaurant after that, so I don't come home till around eight. If you like, I'll cook dinner for two.'

Was Lupin perhaps seducing him with partial nakedness and promises of food? He had a great body; the type Sirius drooled over really. But that shirt and the way he was hopping around on one foot to get a sock on; all of it translated to  _zero_ sex appeal. Minus marks if Sirius counted Remus's struggle with his shoe laces and the truly hideous picture frame stuck on the wall. It was a picture of the brat and Lupin and looked like a cereal box wrapped in blue paper, with shells, sequins, and an enormous action figure stuck to the borders.

'You're going to have to camp on the sofa until the weekend. We'll empty the study then. Feel free to look around and use whatever you need.' Lupin explained, hands pointing everywhere and nowhere relevant. It almost looked like he was dancing.

He had lovely arms though, Sirius noted, and a fantastic build. Firm and wiry; like a lean racing horse.

'There's one golden rule I need you to follow,' Lupin said, finally dressed and standing still on both his feet. 'No magic. I won't take away your wand, but I expect you to live like a muggle while you're here. I don't care if you're on the brink of death. You can walk across the street and save yourself, but not in this house. Understood?'

Sirius put his bags down, wondering if the shrinking charms he put on his belongings counted as prohibited magic. Most of all, why was magic not allowed? And did James know Remus was actually a prostitute? Well, Remus could have been a former prostitute and then cleaned up his act within these two years. But, there really was only one way to find out:

Sirius pinned him to the wall and kissed him.

'Hey, how about some special service for a few extra quid?' Sirius whispered hotly, guiding Remus's right hand to the front of his trousers, flashing his most charming wink and smile.

Remus looked up from his eyelashes and then broke into a Cheshire grin. Sirius noted with a shiver that Remus's canines were slightly sharper than normal. 'Here?' he asked, tilting his head and increasing pressure as he moved lower.

Sirius swallowed. His trousers weren't going to fit in a while if he kept this up.

'I should tell you something,' Remus whispered into Sirius's ears.

'Wha-' Sirius felt his voice die in his throat as Lupin squeezed,  _hard_. Too hard. Painfully, torturously hard.

Lupin chuckled softly, keeping firm of his vice like grip. 'Right now, the only thing more mortifying than living with you is having all my toes cut off. I don't hate you, but the only reason you're here is because of James. Please don't overstep your boundaries.'

Sirius wouldn't have overstepped anything if he'd known he was going to be tortured like this. Bloody hell, he wouldn't even have let his left leg overstep his right, if it got Lupin to let go and let Sirius breathe (and perhaps have the novelty of still being able to procreate).

'Well,' Remus sighed,  _finally_ moving his hand away. 'I'm glad we had this chat. I feel much better, don't you?' He smiled and patted Sirius's shoulder casually. 'Come on; can't be late for work now, can we? I hope you can manage walking a few blocks.'

 _Devil_. Sirius's legs trembled, pinched together in pain. He wondered if he should excuse himself and check for any damages or possible hemorrhaging.

You couldn't tell from the face, but Remus Lupin really was the devil. Sirius was still walking funny when they reached the Potter's cottage. He kept a good distance away and made sure to maintain the most civil conversations, as to protect the family jewels.

'Oh thank Merlin you're here!' James Potter nearly cried, running towards them and carrying his wet, crying son, who was stripped down to nothing but his underwear, by the armpits. 'Lily's already gone and I'm running late. I've been chasing after Harry all day and I only just managed to get him in the bath.' He dumped Harry into Remus's hands and sighed in relief. 'Clothes are on his bed. Fuck, Moody is going to have my head!'

Remus wiped Harry's tear stained face with his sleeve and shushed him gently. 'Watch the language, Prongs. Otherwise, Lily will have your head too.' As he went off with Harry, probably to get the brat dressed, Sirius heard him whisper, 'If you promise not to tell daddy, I'll buy you to ice cream today.'

_Devil._

'Sirius, now that Remus is gone, I'd really like to discuss a few things with you.' James motioned for Sirius to sit on the sofa and summoned his shoes. 'I don't usually ask a lot of questions, but you understand if I'm not completely convinced by you. I need to know why you're taking this apartment.' He tied his shoelaces and looked Sirius in the eye. 'You're a pureblood with enough inheritance to buy a house, if you wish. I'm not questioning your intentions, but…it doesn't quite add up to me.'

Sirius bit his lip, wondering how he was to answer this. He should have seen it coming really; for James to accept him this easily was an anomaly by itself. 'I worked for the Order as a spy, I'm sure you know.' At James's nod, he continued. 'I had to mingle with the pureblood crowd, monitor and keep track of them. There was a lot of pressure to join the Death Eaters back then, but I felt that there was no turning back if I did. My brother joined, so it wasn't that much of an issue. People assumed I was just trying to keep up pretenses, or make a good image for the family business. But once my brother died, it wasn't that easy anymore…' Sirius looked at his feet, wondering if it was wise to be telling the truth this way. Maybe an excuse would have served the purpose better? 'I was disinherited…'

'Oh,' James replied, looking away awkwardly. 'Well, so long as you're not…you know…a murderer or thief or anything. Not that I thought you were one; just consider this whole uncomfortable conversation a sort of big brother check.' James grinned amiably. 'Moony's always been a bit naïve, so I don't want to get him into any trouble that I didn't cause.'

Sirius blinked with disbelief. 'Naïve? James, perhaps you haven't been looking clearly, but your "little brother" is an utter deviant. Like some kind of three legged oddball spat out from hell,' Sirius pointed out with obvious lack of subtlety.

'Moony?' James exclaimed, laughing as if Sirius had just made the greatest joke in history. 'Look at him!'

Sirius  _did_  look at him; Remus was doing the bunny-hop down the stairs with Harry hand in hand. Sirius didn't know if it was Remus's taste or the Potter's, but Harry was wearing the same lime green shirt as Remus. It was truly unsightly.

'Prongs, do you think it'll rain today?' Remus asked, as he hop-landed the last step. 'Harry and I want to see the baby pandas.'

'See, he's harmless,' James declared with a warm, utterly foolish smile. He kneeled down to fix Harry's unruly curls, trying to flatten the back. Sirius wondered if Potter knew that his own hair looked like it had just exploded on his head. 'Harry, don't turn anybody's face blue this time, okay, son? The old lady cried last time. You, too, Moony,' Potter continued, getting up and fixing Remus's hair at the back the same way. 'No sweets, and make sure you take your umbrella in case it does rain.' Sirius wondered if James even knew how old Remus was, or at least grasped the concept that Remus was  _old enough_.

'Potter, we should be apparating,' Sirius pointed out, feeling nauseous over all the affection James was showering. The bloke was really clueless; did he not see Remus's  _fangs_?

'Ah, of course. Oi, Sirius, you dropped your notebook or something.'

 _Careless_. Sirius whirled around, quickly summoning the black notebook before James could reach it. 'Thanks, mate! Let's get going, then.'

'Daddy, we love you!' Sirius heard the brat call out as they walked out of the house. He made the mistake of turning and looking back, and saw that not only did the brat and Lupin have similar shirts, but also very similar hand waves and grins. The type of grins that made no promises about turning other people's hair blue or setting London on fire.

Sirius shuddered. Not only was Remus Lupin the devil, but he also fostering his dirty ways into creating a "Mini Me".

* * *

 

Jane grimaced. 'The black notebook…'

Lily raised an eyebrow, impressed. 'You noticed. You're quite sharp.'

Jane blushed. 'No, it's just…it seemed suspicious. It wasn't as if James was looking through it. Ah, but then, Sirius works for DOM, so I suppose, he's used to being a little cautious and secretive.'

Lily shook her head. 'Your first assumption was correct. And James was also right to suspect, but Sirius Black is probably one of the smartest people I've ever met. He had told James the truth about his being disinherited, but not the complete truth.'

'How do you mean?'

'Sirius was the only living member remaining of the Black family. His mother had died two years ago as well. So despite being disinherited, he automatically got the family fortune as well as the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. There was absolutely no reason for him to rent an apartment.'

Jane blinked rapidly, befuddled by all the information. 'Then…why…it doesn't… _ohhh_!' Her eyes widened in realisation. 'Sirius Black never does anything without a motive!'

* * *

 

Sirius stared at the photograph. He'd seen correctly, after all. He hadn't been sure the first time, mostly because he hadn't gotten a chance to survey the apartment properly. They'd been running late after all, and Lupin had been rushing him.

Sirius had only seen Fabian Prewett a handful of times, but after two years, there was no way Sirius would mistake that face. Two years of searching and all this time, that bastard had been living under the radar, even in his death. Sirius had researched and studied every link that had connected to Fabian's life; piecing all the elements together bit by bit, and in the end, it was  _chance_  that had led him here. His target had originally been James Potter. Yet, inadvertently, he was standing in the very house Prewett had lived in and the very person that was possibly still protecting him.

'He's dead.'

Sirius turned around, startled. He hadn't even heard Lupin come up behind him. Hadn't he been in the kitchen only a minute ago? 'I know,' he muttered bitterly. He corrected himself quickly when he noticed Remus's suspicious gaze, 'The Department of Mysteries works in close correlation with Research and Development. I've had the pleasure of working with Prewett a number of times. His death was…' Sirius looked at the picture again; wondering if their smiles were deceptive as well. '…misfortunate. He was a brilliant scientist.'

Remus pushed the picture frame away from Sirius's hands, as if suddenly becoming defensive. 'Set the table; food's nearly done,' he said stonily, turning away.

'He never talked about you,' Sirius continued, wondering if it was wise to probe. He still hadn't figured Remus Lupin out; didn't know his reaction pattern or limits. 'No one knew he had a lover or anything beyond a very disjointed family.' The Prewetts, Sirius knew, were a pureblood family neither prejudiced towards lineage or sexual orientation. What was the nature of their relationship exactly? Sirius needed a hint; a slip on Lupin's part that he could use as foundation.

'If you were in the Order previously, then you should know that there was a werewolf who acted as a spy for Dumbledore,' Lupin replied quietly, keeping his back faced to Sirius and fists closed in tight balls. 'You should also be aware of the social consequences of associating with a Class Five beast.' Quietly, Lupin turned around, amber eyes ablaze with anger. 'I  _am_ that werewolf!'

Sirius's mind went blank for fifteen seconds before flying into a rage of questions. Why? How? What? Where? When? Nothing made sense; nothing added up! Was there a connection and why werewolves? What was Prewett trying to do and how was Lupin involved? How did all of this tie up to Sirius's findings?

'I warned you before, Black; don't overstep my boundaries,' Remus spat through clenched teeth. ' _No dinner for you!_ '

'What?' Sirius asked with disbelief. What did dinner have to do with anything? He wasn't some brat that could be grounded! Of all the random-

'Do you want to turn into an eunuch, Black?'

Instinctively, Sirius's hand went to his crotch, as the morning's events of pain flashed in front of his eyes. 'No dinner it is then,' Sirius laughed weakly. 'I'll just be going to bed…er…sofa then?' He hurried towards the bathroom in case Remus changed his mind and lunged at his cock. Before closing the door, Sirius poked his head out, quickly apologizing, 'Remus…I'm really sorry. I was…curious…but I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable.' Sirius tried to maintain the most of his dignity and not plea for the safety of his nether regions. He needed to stay in this apartment, and for that, he had to be on good terms with the owner of the apartment.

'Fuck.' Sirius locked the door and slid to the floor, wondering how things had to be done at this point. He took out his notebook and touched his wand to it. ' _I solemnly swear I'm up to no good._ ' Clean cursive handwriting spread onto the pages, revealing all of Sirius's accumulated work for the past two years. How much of it was relevant at this point?

Tomorrow, Sirius would have to find out. He had a gut feeling that he had finally reached the end of the line.

It was definitely here.

* * *

 


	3. The Second Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

Jane frowned. 'What was Sirius up to? I mean, Prewett was dead, right? Then, what-'

'If I told you now, it would ruin the whole tale,' Lily smiled and patted Jane on the hand. 'All in good time, love. The story needs to unfold slowly to build up proper suspense.'

Jane giggled. 'You're right. Still, Remus  _is_  very odd.'

Lily giggled along infectiously. 'He is, isn't he? Though I have to admit, the "no dinner policy" is something I use very often. He has the oddest of habits, but he's an utter sweetheart…'

Jane laughed so hard, she snorted. 'Still, going without dinner is just…'

'Oh, didn't I tell you. Sirius didn't go to bed hungry.' At Jane's raised eyebrow, Lily giggled again. 'Not in the perverted sense. Remus doesn't really know how to punish anybody; he doesn't have it in him. His conscience runs too deep, I suppose. I can't really tell. His conscience is so bad, in fact, that he let Sirius sleep with him that very night.' Lily didn't miss the glint of interest in Jane's eyes and leaned closer. 'Did I mention that Remus has some odd habits? Do you know that he  _hates_  wearing trousers to bed?'

* * *

 

Sirius shivered and wrapped his flimsy blanket tighter around himself. If only Remus would let him use magic; he could have set a few warming charms and expanded the sofa a little. He was a big bloke, so half of him was currently suspended mid air and his legs were spilling like a waterfall at the end. Sirius wondered if it would be better to camp on the floor instead, or perhaps risk taking out his wand. Remus was probably asleep by now. But then again, Sirius had aggravated the bloke enough; he didn't want to risk his balls just because his toes were threatening to freeze and fall off.

'Here.'

A cup of hot cocoa floated in front of his face, and Sirius looked up to see Remus standing behind him with a tray full of food. He glanced at the watch: ten o'clock; Sirius had been sure that Remus had fallen asleep by now.

'Thanks,' Sirius smiled, sitting up and making space for Remus on the sofa. The first thing he noticed was Remus's legs. Remus was dressed in his boxers and a full sleeve t-shirt, leaving Sirius unable to take his eyes off his long and slender legs. Wasn't Remus cold?

Sirius flung the blanket over Remus's lap.

Remus set down the tray of food between them. 'Sorry about tonight,' he apologised, picking randomly on the blanket's fluff. 'I don't actually do this sort of thing. I guess, Lily rubs off on me horribly.'

'I guessed.' Sirius took a sip, feeling the blissful warmth spread to his insides. 'I'm sorry, too. We got off on the wrong foot, but I'd really like to get along with you.' Sirius smiled and bit into one of the sandwiches. When did Remus make these? Sirius hadn't even heard anyone pass by to the kitchen. How could a person possibly be this quiet? 'I mean, since we're roommates and all. And I didn't really…'

'I'm not a prostitute.'

Sirius sprayed out his half chewed sandwich. 'Yeah,' he replied, coughing and wiping his mouth. 'I kind of figured that out when you threatened to castrate me.'

Remus blushed bright. 'I…that day…I wasn't really in my right mind.' His hands clutched the blanket tightly. '…Fabian died that day….so I…'

'Oh.' Now that Remus mentioned it, Fabian  _had_ died that day. No, not quite. He had died the night before, but his body had been found early in the morning by a muggle couple. 'Sorry.'

Remus shrugged, not saying anything.

'This cocoa is really brilliant,' Sirius tried to break the awkward silence. 'Best I've ever had, actually.' At least he wasn't lying with that; Sirius had had cocoa only twice his entire life, once where his house elf, Kreacher had dissolved bat wings to help Sirius reach his growth spurt earlier. Sirius stopped doubting the validity of Kreacher's action (and need for poison control) when he reach a good six foot-one at the age of fifteen. The girls had been all over him, including a few female teachers.

'Look,' Remus started, shifting uneasily. The blanket slipped off one of his legs and Sirius had a hard time telling himself not to stare. 'I know it's kind of cold in here and I don't even have spare blankets, so if you want…' Remus shrugged, seemingly trying his best to look nonchalant. 'We can share the bed for a few days. We'll clean out the study together in the weekend.'

Sirius's eyes widened; mostly because the blanket had slipped off Remus's other leg. 'Is that alright? I mean, I don't know if James told you, but I'm gay. You should know best really; given that I came in your…' Sirius stopped abruptly, recognising the rising flush on Remus's face from this morning. 'Ugh, sorry! I really make the worst conversations. You'd think I'd be better, what being raised as a pureblood and all. What I mean to say is…' Sirius took a deep breath and tried to give his most sincere smile. 'Yes, thank you and sorry for the trouble. Also, an advanced apology if my hand strays sometime around the night. It's just that your arse is…' Sirius just caught himself from making the most lewd of hand gestures. He honestly had no self control with Remus exposed and tempting him like that. Where were Lupin's trousers? 'Right, er, sorry. Thank you.'

Remus nodded and got up. 'Just keep to your side of the bed and you'll be fine. You can leave the tray here; I'll take care of it in the morning. Also, let me know what you like for breakfast, so I can make it for you.'

Sirius's bare feet prickled as they touched the cold floors. 'I'm not very picky,' he replied, following Remus into the bedroom. Kreacher would just make him whatever was considered nutritional in his addled mind and Sirius would wolf it down without question. 'I usually just grab a packet of crisps from the supermarket.'

Remus hummed and got under the covers. Sirius did the same, keeping in mind to keep a good distance between Remus's lovely legs and his cock. He needed this to work properly. He needed to gain Remus's trust and so far he'd done a shoddy job of it. Sirius needed to portray the role of a caring roommate to perfection and get as close to Lupin as possible. Right now, Remus was the golden key to Fabian Prewett's past; the final slot in Sirius's puzzle and the only one left in this world who could lead Sirius to what he wanted.

'Sirius?'

Sirius opened his eyes to look at Remus. 'Yeah?'

'Thank you,' Remus whispered, smiling slightly and letting his eyes flutter shut. 'For not taking my lycanthropy badly. There aren't a lot of people who would understand.'

Sirius stared, not sure what to say anymore. Stared at Lupin's light brown hair cascading down his face in smooth waves. Stared at the sliver of light that peeked out through the curtain and illuminated Lupin's soft smile. Stared and stared as Lupin drifted off to sleep, the sounds of his heavy breathing feeling like an ominous pressure building up around them. Lupin looked innocent. More innocent than he probably was.

Sirius closed his eyes and turned away.  _I'm the real monster here._

* * *

 

Jane looked thoroughly disappointed. ' _That_ sleep. Honestly, you got my hopes up. I was thinking they'd finally got together.'

Lily laughed. 'Merlin, no. If Remus was that easy to set up, he wouldn't have stayed single for two years. It would have given James and I a lot less trouble, as well.'

'But Sirius….he's acting extremely suspicious, don't you think? I know you told me to let the story unfold, but the curiosity is killing me!'

'Well,' Lily conceded. 'Sirius was very suspicious. My husband, as you know, had already noticed and questioned him. James is a generally trusting person, so he didn't take things any farther. He was satisfied by Sirius's explanation as to why he needed the apartment. Me?' Lily blushed. 'I was convinced someone as fine looking as Sirius couldn't possibly be a bad person or have any hidden motives.'

'And Remus?' Jane asked, frowning. 'He didn't suspect anything.'

Lily shook her head. 'Not at first. Remus is very trusting of James, so he didn't question Sirius at first. In fact, he wouldn't have suspected anything at all, if not for my son, Harry.'

'Wasn't your son only three back then? How could he have possibly known or understood what Sirius was trying to do? Even I don't get what's going on…'

Lily clicked her tongue. 'It's an interesting story actually…'

* * *

 

Mummy and daddy were stupid!

Always,  _always_  telling Harry off even though it isn't Harry's fault. Mummy knows he doesn't like sprouts, but she still makes him eat them! And Daddy's stupid, too, because he always listens to what Mummy says and tells Harry to eat his greens, or he'll never grow. Harry will grow! He knows this because he was three years old last year and  _four_  this year, which means he's grown by a whole year. Harry told Mummy so and she yelled at him for being cheeky and disr-disret-disrespticiful, and sent him to his room till he said sorry.

Well, Harry wasn't going to say sorry, and he wasn't going to stay in his room either!

Harry was running away to Moony's house. He'd broken his piggy bank, and packed his clothes and toothbrush in the Superman bag Moony got him, and even gotten his teddy bear, Mr. Fuzzles. He'd learnt the way to Moony's house all by himself; he knew which turns to take and which roads to cross. The only problem was that he didn't know how to cross roads by himself yet.

Harry looked up at the lady beside him and then at the man beside her. They were standing still, which meant it wasn't time to cross the roads yet. One of the cars zoomed by right in front of him, and Harry moved back quickly, wishing he had someone's hand to hold. Did the cars always move this fast? Harry could feel the wind on his face every time one of them rushed by.

The man started moving and Harry followed him, keeping a safe distance from the roaring cars.

'Where's your mummy, sweetheart?'

Harry looked up at the lady walking beside him and clutched Mr. Fuzzles tightly. He wasn't supposed to talk to strangers. If he did, he would end up like Emilee, the foolish witch. Harry didn't want to get eaten by a Bumblebee Monster!

So he ran as quickly as possible; across the road and down the alleyway he knew was Moony's house. He could hear the strange lady calling him, but he didn't look back. She was running after him, so he ran faster and faster, so that she wouldn't be able to catch him. Harry didn't want to be eaten!  _He didn't want to be eaten!_  If he made it to Moony's house, then Moony would slay the crazy demon-lady and save him!

'Oof!' Harry fell face first into the concrete, his elbows and knees scraping painfully. It hurt really bad and Harry scrunched his face, trying to stop the tears from coming. He wiped his nose and quickly got up. Big boys didn't cry; that's what Mummy always said, even though Daddy said Moony used to cry all the time when he was little. But Moony didn't cry now. Moony always gave Harry sweets and never yelled at Harry like Mummy and Daddy did. Moony didn't call Harry disrespticiful either.

'What should we do, Mr. Fuzzles?' Harry asked Mr. Fuzzles, as he stared at Moony's closed front door. No matter how hard he tried, Harry couldn't reach the doorbell and neither could Mr. Fuzzles.

Harry stretched on his tip toes and tried again. He didn't touch the doorbell, but the door suddenly creaked open; just a little bit to let Harry through. Harry stared for a while, before quickly running in. He was just about to call for Moony, when he heard a loud growl and quickly hid underneath the sofa.

There was dog walking into the living room; a large, scary, black one that looked even bigger than Harry. It had the biggest teeth Harry had ever seen and it looked very angry, so Harry slunk back a little further till his back hit the wall. He curled up and shut his eyes tight, so that the dog wouldn't hear him, but then Harry couldn't hear it either. Its feet barely made any noise, just like a Padfoot. So Harry opened his eyes to look again.

The dog was gone!

'Shite!'

Harry moved forward on his elbows and looked closer. It was that new bloke: Mummy and Daddy's new friend! And he was using a lot of bad words; the type Mummy would have sent Harry to the corner for and Daddy always tried not to use in front of Harry. Daddy didn't tell Harry that the new friend could turn into a Padfoot! Harry had thought this entire time that the new friend was boring and dull. Mummy liked him though. Daddy said it was because he was nice looking.

'Fuck, I should be able to smell it! I should have been able to sniff it out like I did the others!' Padfoot yelled to nobody. Harry tried covering his ears, but he could still hear all the bad words. 'Damn that bastard! Where the fuck did he hide it?'

Something crashed to the floor and broke, and Harry moved back quickly. 'Shh,' he warned Mr. Fuzzles with wide eyes and a finger on his lips. 'We need to keep quiet!'

Moony will come, Harry figured. Moony will come home later and Harry would get to stay with him. Until then, he just had to keep quiet and make sure Padfoot didn't catch him sneaking around. Harry didn't know much, but he had a feeling Padfoot was trying to be secretive. He had the sort of face Daddy sometimes got when he was trying to smoke without Mummy finding out. Except, Padfoot seemed to be trying a lot harder. Harry wondered how long he'd have to wait here, under the sofa…

' _I don't know, Sirius! They've looked everywhere! They can't find him!'_

Harry was still sleepy when he heard Moony's voice. Moony didn't sound too good; he sounded frightened and in a hurry. Harry wondered what was wrong and if he should get up and call out to Moony. He was still sleepy though; it was past his bed time, wasn't it?

Padfoot's voice,  _'Calm down. Drink some water. Let me just slip on my shoes and we'll go look for him. Hold on…'_

' _What if he's lost somewhere and he doesn't know how to get back? What if-'_

Harry eyes shot open when he felt himself being pulled by the back of his shirt. 'Found the little cockroach!'

Before Harry could open his eyes or even tell Padfoot to put him down, he found himself being hugged tightly by Moony. 'Harry! Where have you been? Do you know how worried we were?' Moony kissed him on his forehead and ran soothing fingers through Harry's hair. 'You're skin's all cold, and look at how dirty you are! Did you hurt yourself anywhere?'

Harry eyes teared up and pointed at his scraped knees. 'I came to see Moony all by myself, but I met this scary monster lady, like the one in the book…'

'Sounds more like he ran away,' Padfoot said, ruffling Harry's hair. 'At least he's smart enough to know where to go.'

Moony picked Harry up, so that Harry could rest his head on Moony's shoulders. He felt really sleepy; more sleepy and tired than he'd ever been. It was warm in Moony's arms, just like how it was always warm in Mummy and Daddy's arms. Mummy always smelled of perfume, and Daddy always smelled of tea and grass, and Moony always smelled like chocolate.

'Sirius, I really want to thank you for…' Moony slowly touched Sirius's shoulder, squeezing a little before letting his hand drop. 'I know I lost my head back there and…'

Sirius shrugged. 'I was just looking for my shoes. Now that I'm all dressed already, I'll walk with you to the Potter's. Is that okay?'

Moony nodded but Harry shook his head, burying his face into Moony's neck. 'I don't want to go home, Moony!' He tried not to cry, but his knees really hurt and he was very, very tired. 'Mummy doesn't like me anymore! And she's always yelling at me! I want to stay with you!' Harry hiccupped and then broke into large sobs, tears and snot running down his face. He wiped his nose on Moony's shirt collar.

'Shh,' Moony hushed, patting his back softly. 'Mummy yells at me and Daddy, too, but that's because Mummy only yells at people she loves. She was very worried because she couldn't find you. She's crying, you know.'

Harry looked up at Moony, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 'Mummy's crying?'

'Mhm. So we have to go home, okay?'

Harry bit his lip and nodded, resting his head back onto Moony's shoulder. He didn't want Mummy to cry. Harry wrapped his arms around Moony's neck possessively when he noticed that Padfoot kept brushing shoulders with Moony, and coming closer and closer. He'd heard Mummy and Daddy talking; they wanted Moony and Padfoot to become like them. And to become like Mummy and Daddy, they would have to get married. Harry didn't want them to get married.

'Moony,' Harry sniffled, 'I love you.'

Harry felt Moony smile and stroke his hair softly. 'I love you too, Harry.'

'Do you love me the mostest? More than anyone else?'

Moony laughed. 'Yes.'

'Even more than Padfoot?' Harry asked, clutching the back of Moony's shirt tightly. 'Padfoot can turn into an animal like Daddy does for you. I saw him today, but I don't know how. But I'll learn for you, Moony! So, love me more, okay?'

Harry got scared when Moony suddenly stopped walking and didn't say anything. Moony was frowning.

' _Oi, Remus, the Potter's house is still two blocks away! Keep walking!'_

Maybe Moony didn't like him as much as Padfoot. 'Moon-'

'You're my favourite, Harry,' Moony whispered finally, kissing Harry softly and starting to walk again. 'I love you the absolute mostest.'

* * *

 

'Sirius was an Animagus!' Jane exclaimed, nearly jumping off her chair in shock. 'How? Why?'

'Sirius was an unregistered Animagus,' Lily explained, hoping Jane didn't break her chair. 'He'd learnt how to transform back when he was in school as an escape route. Beauxbatons is a strict school, I'm sure you know. Coming back home was probably even worse for Sirius as going to school where he generally tended to dislike everybody. He learned to transform because he was bored…'

'All by himself? Impossible! Especially at such a young age!'

'When you have time,' Lily argued, 'and a decent head on your shoulders, nothing is impossible. Being an Animagus had its advantages later. It helped him go unnoticed when he was a spy for the resistance. A dog's senses are also much keener, so tracking was one of Sirius's specialties. In fact, there were only two people who knew about Sirius's Animagus; Sirius's brother who had passed away was the first. The second is my son.'

Jane fell back into her chair in awe. 'Merlin…'

'I hate to be repetitive, but  _fate_ I feel is in play here,' Lily continued. 'My son, he isn't the kind to throw tantrums, especially not something as ridiculous as eating his vegetables. I can't count the number of times I've told him off for not eating his greens. Yet, that day, for the first time his entire life, he ran away. Thankfully, to Remus's house.'

'Did Remus question Sirius about it?' Jane looked confused when Lily shook her head. 'Why not? I mean, he'd clearly figured things out…'

'Remus isn't the sort of person to pry into other people's secrets. He keeps to himself mostly.' Lily smiled at Jane's miffed expression. 'I know what you're thinking: it's suspicious. Remus was wary of Sirius, but he never showed it. He  _watched._  He calculated and he tried to figure things out on his own. Sirius, in fact, was under constant scrutiny; he just didn't know it…'

'Did Sirius ever slip up?'

Lily bit her lip, wondering whether it was all right to tell this part of the story, Conceding, she replied, 'Just once…'

* * *

 

'Shite!' Sirius threw the last pile of books into the box. Nothing. Nothing but a study full of useless books on famous researchers, and werewolves, and muggle literature. Nothing but complete and utter bollocks. It was impossible; completely impossible for Prewett not to have any records of such extensive research. Sirius had waited all day to search the apartment while Remus was still at work.

The past few days, Sirius had torn the house apart searching. The study had been the last room, and Sirius had stripped it bare, and was still standing with nothing but empty hands and accumulating dust. Could Prewett have destroyed the research? No, the research didn't matter as much to Sirius. What was more important was why his Animagus hadn't been able to sniff anything out. Sirius should have been able to smell it; the putrid smell of death and rotting flesh. Yet…

Prewett couldn't have thrown it out; he wasn't that careless. No, it was definitely here, hidden extremely well behind an innocent face and a homely city life. It was if they had known Sirius would be coming; Prewett had probably expected it from the beginning and taken necessary precautions with Lupin's help. The setup was perfect. Lupin was perfect, but Sirius was going to break that perfection of his. Whether Lupin liked it or not, Sirius was going to have him reveal everything.

'Damn you, you fucking bastard!' Sirius banged his fist against the bookshelf. Something clattered to the ground and Sirius looked up to see that he had knocked part of the wood panel off of the highest shelf.

No, not panel; just a fake wooden board. There was something wedged between the fake front and the back. Sirius frowned and levitated himself, slipping his fingers easily between the cracks and pulling out a dark blue notebook. Sirius wiped the dust off it with the palm of his hand, revealing three letters embossed in gold that sent his heart beating maniacally against his ribcage.  _It couldn't be…_

**R.A.B**

_No._  Fingers trembling, Sirius opened the notebook.  _No._ The letters swam in front of his eyes, each curve and slant similar to his, yet familiarly different. Sirius had had the handwriting imprinted in his brain for the past two years, as was everything involving his brother. How many times had he looked through Regulus's belongings, looking for clues and answers? Sometimes just looking for memories of his brother that he could hold on to when he felt like giving up. Then what, of all places, was Regulus's diary doing here?

_Sirius hates being here as much as me. I don't understand why. Mother loves him and he's a much better Black than I am. I've tried, but Sirius is always better._

_He feels caged here though. I see him pacing sometimes, looking frustrated and irritated with everyone. He hates this family, hates this house, hates me. He never says it though. Sometimes, I think he's going to run away. Just get up and leave the house forever one day. I'm waiting for the time he leaves, but I'm still not sure whether I'd be happier or sad when he does. I think Mother would notice me more if he did._

Sirius grit his teeth, trying to keep his hands from shaking so violently as he turned the pages. The diary had detailed accounts of Regulus's life after he'd joined the Death Eaters; the portion of his brother's life Sirius had missed and purposely kept out of. Every word on the page sounded like Regulus; the anger and hatred, the bitterness and constant need to be approved by Mother, even the fear and reluctance he felt as he sank deeper into the Dark Arts.

_Sirius is a spy, I know that. He puts up a perfect act around the family; Mother is proud of him, but I've seen how he smoothly talks his way through conversations and wheedles out information. I wish he wouldn't do that. I wish he'd join. If they find out what he's doing, they'll kill him._

_They'll kill him._

Sirius laughed bitterly. 'They killed you instead, you stupid fuck.' He held back a sob just barely. 'I told you not to get mixed up in this shite, but you never heard a word outside that bitch of a mother, did you? You bloody bastard…'

_I don't know why I came here, when I could have gone anywhere on my last day. Maybe it's because this is where Sirius comes. Maybe because even now, I wish I was like my brother. It's pathetic. I don't even like blokes. Not that way._

_I tried picking up somebody. His name's Fabian. He mistook me for my brother at first, and then invited me for a drink. He told me he'd seen Sirius a few times, but he didn't say where. I knew he was talking about the Order, but I couldn't bring myself to question him._

_I kissed him and got pushed away. Honestly, I'd pictured worse, but he just smiled and apologised. He told me he already had someone he liked a lot. Someone he couldn't stand to see crying or upset. Someone too important to betray._

_I was jealous. So jealous, that I can't even express it in words. I wonder if Mother will cry for me. Will she miss me or search for me? Will brother be proud of me when he finds out what I've done? I want him to see me. I want him to acknowledge me. I know it's impossible, but it isn't bad to want something, is it?_

_I told Fabian about my brother. I told him everything I was going to do. In turn, he told me about his brother who'd died a year ago, fighting. He told me that he wasn't ready to let go just yet. Listening to him, I got scared. I still am, when I remember how his eyes looked. I know where he's going; what he's searching for. I don't think he'll find it, and it's better for him if he didn't. I don't want him to die. He was nice…kind…I haven't had that in a while._

_This is my last entry before I hand over this notebook to him. It's selfish of me, but I want someone to know. I've sealed the last few pages with my research on it with strong magic, but I think he'll find it. He's a scientist. If he does, I hope he puts it to good use._

Sirius breathed. In. Out. In. Out. In. In. In. In.

And then screamed till his throat hurt and it was hard to even breathe anymore. He flung the diary across the room, watching as it disappeared behind the sofa with clenched fists. His palms were bleeding. He pressed harder, feeling his nails digging in farther and farther, but not far enough. Everything was still real. Sirius wasn't waking up.

' _Sirius? Oi, Sirius…'_

Sirius looked up from his hands. 'You're home…' he whispered, his voice coming out hoarse and pained. 'Sorry; I didn't hear you.' Sirius wondered how pathetic he looked to Remus right now, curled up on the sofa like this. He should straighten up. He shouldn't let his act slip. Remus couldn't find out…

Remus frowned and put a hand to Sirius's forehead. 'James told me you left work early. You're a little warm. Do you want me to- Sirius?'

Sirius realised that there were tears running down his eyes and quickly looked away. 'Sorry.' He laughed weakly, wishing Remus would stop staring. It was hard to control himself under those piercing amber eyes. 'It's the dust, you know; I think I might be allergic. I thought I'd clean up the study, so that we could fix up some furniture. But the dust really got to me, it seems...'

'Sirius…' Remus moved closer, resting a hand on Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius laughed, pushing Remus's hand away. 'What are you doing? I'm fine.' He tried moving away when Remus reached out for him again. 'Really, it's nothing.'

'Sirius,' Remus whispered, forcefully pulling Sirius against him. 'Sirius, it's alright.'

Sirius stiffened. 'I-'

'It's alright,' Remus whispered again, his hands gently rubbing the back of Sirius's neck. 'It's okay…'

Sirius let out a large sob and buried his face into Remus's shoulder. He'd promised himself he wouldn't cry. He'd promised he wouldn't cry until he'd avenged his brother's death.

_Regulus._

He'd promised. Then why…

_Regulus!_

* * *

 

Lily handed Jane a tissue. 'Like the rest of his family, Sirius never actually had a good relationship with his brother. He considered himself different somehow, which was why he relegated himself from the rest of his family. He was so caught up with his own need to rebel and be different, that he never noticed his little brother desperately trying to catch up to him…' Lily bit her lip. 'The Black family was in shambles to begin with, but after Regulus death, everything went downhill. Sirius's mother had never quite gotten over her husband's untimely death five years ago. The loss of her son literally drove to insanity and she passed away months later. A lot of people assume that pureblood families are built upon power and money, but they tend to forget that purebloods are still humans. Deep down, they love their children and their spouses, no matter how twisted.'

Jane sniffed. 'How did Regulus…?'

'He rebelled against You Know Who and the Death Eaters, and consequently got killed for it,' Lily replied sadly. 'He didn't die in vain, though. Very few people actually know of this, but he was a small contributing factor to the fall of You Know Who.'

Jane's eyes widened. 'Really? I thought…'

'I know. Recognition didn't matter to Sirius though, but Regulus did. He was very proud of his brother; loved him senselessly.' Lily went on. She wondered if she had a picture of Regulus amidst her collection; she would have to ask Sirius for one. 'Sirius's reason for living was to avenge the death of his brother. I don't think he cared much about anything else.'

Jane wiped her eyes, smudging her mascara a little. 'But how does any of this connect to Remus and Prewett?'

'It does,' Lily confirmed. 'The weirdest thing was that Regulus saw the connection before any of it happened. It was almost as if he foresaw Prewett's involvement; hence the diary…'

Jane shook her head. 'I still don't understand.'

'Then let me explain…'

* * *

 

Warm. That was Sirius's first pleasant thought when the first rays of sunlight hit his face. Sirus's first though however, pleasant or otherwise, was 'fuck' and 'bloody sun came up again today'. But  _warm_  was definitely the most pleasant because it was the type of 'warm' that Sirius had never felt before. It was the warmth of a delicate chest rising rhythmically against his cheek, and the warmth of a thin hand wrapped loosely around his shoulders. It was the warmth of waking up so close to a person that you could hear their heartbeat.

'Mnh…'

Sirius didn't move. He hated mornings and the sunshine that came with it. He hated getting out of bed and having to brush his teeth, and all other accompanying rituals that followed. To add to the list of hated mornings, Sirius also did not want to lose that warmth.

Because he lived in a cheap apartment in London.

And London was cold.

So were cheap apartments.

That was the only reason.

Really.

The alarm sounded off, and Sirius cursed the damn thing in five different languages. The warmth was leaving now, as Remus's hand blindly wandered across the bedside table before pressing down on the clock. 'Sorry,' Remus mumbled, moving away. 'You could have pushed me away if you felt suffocated.' He got up, rubbed his eyes and smiled so brightly, Sirius almost forgot about the sun. 'It's a lovely morning, isn't it?'

Sirius squinted as Remus flung open the curtains. 'Unfortunately, yes.'

'Remus smiled and looked out the window, humming a soft tune Sirius didn't have the energy to recognise. Sunlight played across Remus's light brown hair and pale skin, lighting up his amber eyes. He looked like he'd been spun out of gold. He looked like Mary Poppins with a penis.

Sirius wondered if Remus was going to bring up last night and Sirius's moment of weakness. He didn't. He simply continued his humming and walked out of the room. It was absolutely disgusting; Sirius didn't understand how anyone could have such a bright smile so early in the morning. Any hour that involved excessive bird chirping and sun shining usually invoked a severe and permanent scowl on Sirius's face. Sometimes the scowl on Sirius face reached points of positive constipation.

It took another half an hour for Sirius to trudge to the bathroom and back to slip on his clothes for work. He hated wearing robes with a passion but it was part of work protocol, so he simply let it hang off his shoulders, over his t-shirt. By the time Sirius had dried his hair (in the infuriatingly muggle way), Remus had already prepared breakfast and was currently adding his third spoon of sugar into his tea.

Sirius picked up his fork.

Square.

His bread soldiers were  _square._  Sirius hated square soldiers; soldiers were supposed to be  _rectangular._ Square soldiers reminded Sirius of the cereal that Remus stuffed himself; the one with the chocolate filling. What were they called again? Chocolate Pillows? Except that was fundamentally wrong too because pillows were just as rectangular as soldiers are supposed to be.

Remus added his fifth spoonful of sugar and took a sip.

'I'm needed at work earlier today, so you can go ahead without me,' Sirius said, dumping his plate into the sink. 'If I'm late for dinner, you can eat without me.'

Remus nodded. 'I thought we could go shopping for your new furniture tomorrow, if that's alright with you. You must be completely uncomfortable sleeping with me.'

'You have no idea. Five days in a row, I've been waking up with the biggest boner in-' Sirius stopped dead when Remus fork came dangerously close to his jugular. He eyed three perfectly sharp ends of the fork and swallowed. 'I mean: yes, furniture would be lovely. I can't wait. We should call James to come along; make it an adventure outing of sorts. Maybe he can even help protect my…I mean, pick china patterns?'

Remus smiled in approval and went back to his tea. 'Let me know if you faint or die or anything. You'll find the Potter's and the restaurant's numbers in the phonebook.'

Sirius stared at the muggle device Remus was casually pointing at. He had a vague idea of what a phone was used for, but he really had no clue what he was supposed to do with it. Which way was right side up anyway and did you have to slot in coins every time you wanted to make a call? It was a good thing Sirius wasn't dying anytime soon.

'Give Potter's sprog my regards.'

'I'll let him know Padfoot said, hi.'

Sirius chuckled. Honestly, he didn't understand why the brat kept calling him that poncy name. Unfortunately, everyone else was picking it up as well, Remus included. Though Remus had an odd way of saying it; almost as if he expected Sirius to suddenly recognise the name and say, 'Aha!' Not that Sirius ever would; even imagining his uptight mother or any of his equally uptight pureblood family calling him  _Padfoot_  in the past was enough to have Sirius vomiting.

Sirius closed his eyes and apparated to the DOM meeting room.

'You're late, Black.'

Sirius felt his lip curling in disgust as he apparated right in front of Severus Snape, a scientist from Research and Development that was currently working with DOM. Sirius hated the greasy git; from his unwashed shoulder length hair, right down to his pointy black shoes.

'Shut up, Snape,' Sirius spat, taking the seat farthest away from Snape. 'And keep that abnormally large nose of yours dug into your own damn business.'

Snape looked at Sirius in disdain, 'Given that we're on the same assignment, I'd say it  _is_ my business; especially since my partner is entirely incompetent.'

'Why you little shi-'

'Sit down, Black!'

Sirius would have beaten the crap out of the bloody wanker if the chief of DOM, Sebastian Beaumont hadn't cut in. The other members said nothing, neither did they look surprised; it was a common occurrence by now. Sirius and Snape never got along from the time they had met, two years ago. In fact, Sirius had come extremely close to strangling Snape only last year. Sirius would have succeeded, too, if his moral hadn't kicked in the last minute.

'Snape's right, Black; you are late,' Beaumont scolded, 'I want you to stop by my office to discuss all the required details. For now, tell me how far you've come across with the Potter case.'

Sirius leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. 'You can cross Potter off our list as well,' he said self importantly, yearning to see the outraged look on the chief's face.

'Brilliant, Black,' Snape cut in sarcastically, flinging up his hands. 'Let's cross out our last link to Prewett and throw our entire purpose down the drain while we're at it.'

'There's another one: Remus Lupin,' Sirius continued, shooting Snape a haughty look. He bit down to urge to stick out his tongue in an effort to look at least partly profession. 'You can say, he's part of the Potter family, but in much better terms with Prewett than anybody else on that bloody list of yours. Snape overlooked him.'

Snape got up so fast, his chair clattered to the ground. 'Don't fuck with me, Black. I've researched Prewett's history thoroughly; there's no such person.'

'Sit down, Snape,' Beaumont said calmly, 'Black, explain…'

'Remus Lupin doesn't exist because all his records have been deleted.' Sirius flung a file of all the documents he'd copied over the past few days, across the table. 'Look at the Ministry records for Hogwarts graduates for the year 1977. After thirty four, it's thirty six. Thirty five is entirely missing. I also looked through the wizard registry; an entire ID is missing from the records as if purposely deleted. Potter's child, in the Ministry records, doesn't have a Godfather, but in the Muggle documents, Lupin's name is listed.' Sirius had purposely excluded documents from the werewolf registry. 'I could go on and on…'

Beaumont rested his chin on folded hands. He was obviously going to say something, but George Sanders beat him to it, 'None of this proves that this Lupin had any connection whatsoever to Prewett. I don't see the relation…'

'They were lovers,' Sirius replied bluntly, earning gasps from across the table. Sirius didn't fail to notice Snape's look of pure disgust. 'You have a problem with us faggots, Snape?'

Snape looked away, obviously refraining from making any scathing remarks.

'Lupin's definitely suspicious,' Sirius continued, ignoring Snape and focusing on Beaumont. 'Why stop using magic entirely? Why live as a muggle for two years? There's no rational explanation. He's definitely hiding something. The very reason Prewett was such an asset to DOM was that he had the capability of planning ahead, so why underestimate him this time. Lupin is definitely our answer.'

'Yet you come empty handed,' Snape pointed out smugly.

Sirius nearly punched him. 'It took us two years to find Lupin. The answer isn't going to come flying to my lap in a single day. I need more time to-'

'We don't have time, Black,' Beaumont cut in sternly. 'This is the last one and the one that will benefit us the most. The research Fabian was working on was revolutionary, and Snape here is the only one capable enough to replicate it. But we can't do it without-'

'Yes, I'm well aware, but-'

Beaumont walked up to Sirius, looking him straight in the eye challengingly. Sirius hated it when people came right up to his face or tried to intimidate him. He hated it when people thought they could exercise their power over him. It only brought about his streak of rebellion, as it always did since childhood.

'Do you want Voldemort to come back after the Longbottoms lost their lives to rid of him, Black?'

Sirius didn't know the Longbottoms or their son, Neville, the supposed Boy Who Lived. He didn't care if they'd saved the Wizard World. All he knew was that they'd made his job a lot easier. 'Of course not, but-'

'Do you want your brother's sacrifice to go to waste?'

Sirius grit his teeth. Beaumont had used Sirius's weakness against him, knowing perfectly well that any mention of Regulus was enough to get him to submit. 'A month,' Sirius gave in, clenching his fists tightly. 'Give me a month and I'll have that bloody Horcrux…'

* * *

 


	4. Third Time's the Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

'So, he was lying the entire time, about everything?' Jane asked, clearly miffed with the sudden change of pace. 'It's alright to do your job, but to go as far as deception! That's cruel!'

Lily smiled. 'Do you know what a Horcrux is, Jane? I'm sure you've read small snippets in different books, but never quite understood it. It's extremely dangerous and probably why it was kept within the Department of Mysteries. You Know Who used Horcruxes to grant himself immortality. There were seven back then, each containing a segment of his soul.'

Jane's eyes widened. 'I never…'

Lily nodded. 'Like a lot of people, Sirius lost a lot to You Know Who. Granted his reasons weren't all that honourable as most, but Sirius deeply cared for his brother. His entire existence revolved around his brother. Do you understand? Getting the last Horcrux wasn't just an assignment for him. It was something he needed to do to ensure that his brother's death was honoured.'

Jane looked down, suddenly ashamed of what she'd said earlier. 'Of course. I'm sorry. But neither of you knew?'

Lily shook her head. 'We noticed of course. We noticed that Sirius was always trying to get close to Remus; that he kept wanting to know more and more about him. But we were playing matchmakers, so we were just excited. My husband would never admit it, but James was probably a lot more ecstatic than either of us. He was half ready to whip out the photo albums.'

Jane laughed. 'Really?'

Lily smiled. 'Really…'

* * *

 

'Not bad, eh?' James commented, waggling his eyebrows. 'Soft and bouncy; guarantees a brilliant night.'

Sirius stared distastefully. 'I like them hard and angular, thanks. Gives an equally brilliant night.'

James made a displeased face as he looked at the mattress Sirius was pointing to. 'Gives you a fucking backache, that's what it does. How could you possibly sleep on a bed like that? Come on, look at this one…'

Sirius did not look impressed with James's choice. 'It's rather plain, isn't it? A few engravings or careful attention to detail would have made a great deal of difference.'

'Bloody pureblood,' James muttered under his breath, flopping back into the bed closest to them. He winced in pain when he realised it was one of the back breaking mattresses. The way James was grumbling, it seemed his arse had just opened a second crack.

Sirius chuckled and sat carefully beside James. One of the attendants were surveying them closely, so Sirius waved at him and winked flirtatiously. Takes one to know one, was Sirius's divine policy, and that attendant was definitely one. 'James, you and Remus have been mates for a while, yeah?'

'A while?' James laughed condescendingly. 'I've known him since I was five. Might sound pretentious to you, but I practically raised the bloke, you know. Well, we somewhat raised each other really.' When Sirius's raised his eyebrows, James explained, 'It wasn't that Moony's parents didn't love him, but they were always busy trying to find a cure for him, you know. My parents; well, you should know best. You're a pureblood yourself, even if our families were quite different. So, it was really just the two of us, and Moony…he's a bit of a baby, really.'

Sirius looked at Remus, who was currently battling with the toy machine, Harry cheering him on quite enthusiastically. Harry wanted the four-tentacle-squid. So far, Remus had gotten a slingshot, a sheep, a starfish, a one legged cow, but no squid. He seemed relentless though, and surprisingly not going short on pocket change any time soon. Sirius couldn't help but smile at the scene, as he looked back at James. 'I was wondering if…you could tell me a few things…maybe about Moo-Remus's past.'

James beamed, eyes lighting up. 'He likes being called Moony. I'm glad. Lily and I, we were hoping this is how it would turn out.'

Sirius blinked. 'Turn out? How do you mean?'

'You like him,' James stated bluntly. Sirius wondered why both James and Remus lacked tact in such enormous proportions.

'That's ridiculous,' Sirius argued, not understanding why there was heat suddenly rising to his cheeks. 'I'm just-

'You're always watching him,' James cut in with a cheeky smirk, 'trying to get closer to him, trying to know a bit more about him. Liking tits doesn't make me daft, you know.'

Sirius shuddered. 'Ugh. Please don't say that word. It makes me nauseous.'

'Daft?'

' _Tits._  I think I just made myself sick.' The women in Sirius's family tended to leave emotional scars; in Sirius's case, they were quite permanent. There were a lot of triggers, but 'tits' tended to bring up the incident involving his mother, the gardener, and his garden shears. Trying to clear his mind, Sirius tried to get back on topic, 'Look, I just wanted to know about Fabian. He was a co-worker of mine and I never thought there was this other side of him. He never talked about having a lover, but he seemed to have had a very deep relationship with Remus…'

James tightened up visibly, his usually jovial face suddenly looking stern and defensive. 'He was very protective of Moony, took care of him well. It's really not my place to say anything.' He shook his head and smiled at Sirius again. 'Did I tell you about the time Remus and I made Flitwick's underwear sing Christmas Carols? It was bloody hilarious. We…'

He was hiding something; Sirius could tell by the way James's eyes firmly avoided looking at either Remus or Sirius. Sirius also knew that it was useless to pursue it further at this point, so he let the matter drop. It didn't seem like he was getting any information on Fabian today. Not that it mattered; Sirius had most of it figured out. The Horcrux was definitely on Remus. It wasn't anywhere in the house and Remus wasn't well off enough to have a bank account. He also wasn't careless enough to abandon the Horcrux anywhere, given how dangerous it was. Remus was definitely wearing it; perhaps on a chain or a bracelet. In fact, when he thought about it, Sirius had never seen Remus shirtless or even in anything beyond full sleeved t-shirts.

Harry started dancing when the toy machine finally spat out his octopus.

'Full moon's in four days, so Moony's really riled up.'

Sirius stared at Remus, who was now giving the machine a triumphant smirk. As if he was mocking the machine for denying him Harry's octopus for this long. Harry, in turn, hugged Remus's knees happily, asking what Mr. Octopus should be called.

'Do you remember that pub: Wanda's Cauldrons?' James asked suddenly.

Sirius nodded, remembering how many times he'd used the bathrooms to change into Padfoot and back without anyone seeing. The pub had been destroyed during the final battle with the Death Eaters and the Order.

'There's a little muggle place not too far from here. Doesn't have a name, but you'll know right away from all the screaming,' James went on, though Sirius didn't see a point to the conversation. 'Remus finds it quite relaxing before full moons. You should go sometime. I think you'll enjoy it, too.'

Sirius raised a sardonic eyebrow. There was something about the mischievous glint in James's eyes that didn't settle right with Sirius. Lily had mentioned that James had been quite a prankster back in school, and Sirius had a feeling he was being had quite brilliantly. He was going to go, of course. Even if it was trouble; the mystique that James put in into this nameless pub was something Sirius's curiosity couldn't avoid. Perhaps getting Remus drunk was the key, after all. Sirius didn't like using underhanded methods, but if things turned out for the worse, a little alcohol was all he was going to need to coax Remus to tell him about the Horcrux.

'No telling Lily, alright?' James warned, waving merrily to his son. 'She thinks I don't know about it, and she doesn't approve of it much. She's tried to get Moony to stop going before, but he never listens. She doesn't understand, being a woman and all.'

Lily had obviously never met Sirius's mother, who could drink the best of men under the table. It didn't take much to understand alcohol; Sirius was often guilty of understanding it too well, actually.

'The transformations haven't been easy, these past two years. Moony gets really frustrated and edgy.' James grinned. 'It's quite brilliant actually. I remember in school, he completely lost it on Malfoy. The Gryffindor girls were swooning over him for months. Pity he's such a ponce, really…'

Sirius frowned. Was James even talking about alcohol anymore? Sirius had never met any woman who would swoon over a drunkard, especially in school. What the hell was he talking about? Perhaps Sirius had missed the entire point of the conversation in his admiration for Remus and Harry's brand new octopus (christened as Adam).

'Hello, can I help you gentlemen.'

Sirius looked up at the attendant standing in front of them and grinned. 'You can indeed,' he replied, switching to his suave mode and wrapping an arm around the attendant's shoulders. 'Blimey, did anyone tell you, you have the most enchanting eyes! Like pools of silver moonlight.' Sirius waited for the rising blush and nervous stutter, before purposefully brushing his body closer to the attendant's. He ignored the death glare Remus was currently sending him; he wanted that bed. 'I'd love to take you out for some tea. We can talk about the weather, music, colours, your employee discount…'

* * *

 

Jane frowned. 'Was he talking about the fighting?'

'He was,' Lily confirmed with chagrin. 'My bastard husband was hiding it very well from me, too. I'd honestly thought Remus had stopped going there after his first warning. Turns out, Remus went there every month and James sometimes went along to cheer him on.  _Men…_ ' Lily supplied with a disgusted shake of her head.

'Did Sirius go?'

Lily nodded. 'Oh yeah. And it's a good thing he went. Because a lot would have gone downhill if he hadn't. Worst of it was that, he was completely unprepared for it.'

'Well, he did think he was going to a pub,' Jane reasoned.

'Oh, I'm not talking about that!' Lily laughed. 'That, my dear, was not even the tip of the iceberg…'

* * *

 

Sirius stared. And stared. And stared.

And stared.

He was sure his jaw had already unhinged itself at this point. Luckily, he was holding a plastic cup full of cheap beer; so it was possible that his jaw had landed safely in there. It might have fallen into his packet of crisps as well; it was a matter of gravity.

James's place wasn't a pub; it was an underground fighting ring. The illegal kind, where anything and everything went. There were no gloves, no protective gear; simply bare hands and dirty tricks. The crowds were insane; screaming and yelling profanities. There were some who were brawling over who would win, and more who were actually betting over it. The drunkards on the other side were throwing their cups angrily at the ring, howling like animals and chanting names that got lost within the noisy crowd.

Amidst all the chaos was Remus and it was clear why the crowd was so worked up. Remus was  _beautiful_. Sirius had no other words for him. He was lighter than his opponent; his wiry body glistening with sweat. With every hit, Sirius could see the ripple of hard muscle across his arms, and the perfect agility that displayed every time he dodged and swerved.

Sirius winced as Remus fell painfully on his side. There was a part of him who wanted to help, while another that just wanted to watch. To watch and never stop. It wasn't just the way Remus fought, but the way he  _looked_  as he fought: feral. Like an animal that had been unleashed into the wild, his eyes blazing with wild fire, teeth bared dangerously, and every inch of his body following a rhythm that perfectly geared him for a fight. It was carnal; even in the way Remus wiped the blood from his mouth.

Sirius had never been more turned on his entire life.

The minute Remus launched himself at the other fighter, Sirius knew it was over. The crowd knew it was over, even before the fighter hit the ground. People were standing; cheering, fighting; screaming. It was too much, Sirius realised, getting up and quickly walking out. Too much noise, too much testosterone, too much Remus…

_Romulus! Romulus! Romulus!_

Sirius leaned back against the wall and breathed. The image of Remus fighting had been burned to the back of Sirius's eyelids. It kept replaying again and again; every nuance of Remus's lean body, every flow of tight muscle that hit, every expression on his face.  _Shite!_ Sirius felt his breath speed up, heat rising up his body.  _Shite!_  He rested his head against the cool plastic of his cup, coughing slightly at the sickly sweet stench of cheap beer. The condensation on the surface of the cup trickled down his nose, mixing with sweat and hot breath.  _Shite!_

'Oi, mate, you alright?'

Sirius nodded. 'I'm fine, thank you.'

He straightened up, willing his legs to move. He was supposed to go home, really. It was supposed to be a secret; James had specified that no one was to know. But Sirius's legs argued, leading him involuntarily towards the small, dingy hallway beyond the ring. The crowd was mostly muffled here, but even that small amount of noise made Sirius nauseous and edgy. He wanted to see Remus. No, he  _needed_ to see Remus. Sirius didn't know what he was going to do or say, or how he was even going to explain himself. He had a gut feeling that once he saw Remus's face, there was very little he was going to be able to say beyond his knotted tongue and wobbling knees.

Sirius could hear him now; the sounds of Remus's voice ringing softly along the corridors. He sounded the same as he always did with Sirius and the Potters. Sirius had expected his voice to come out more gruff and hoarse, but he sounded normal; as if he'd just finished baking a chocolate cake or doing the laundry.

' _I'm just surprised you're talking to me. I didn't think you even knew who I was, back in school. James was a bit…'_

Who was Remus talking to?

Sirius heard strained sound; something that sounded more like constipated wheezing than anything.  _'I assume Potter's doing well. Not suspending people mid air by their ankles anymore, I hope.'_

Remus uncomfortable laughter sounded a lot more forced when it echoed five times across the hall.  _'He's alright. So is Lily.'_

' _I didn't ask about her.'_

Why did that voice sound so familiar? Sirius couldn't put his finger on it, but he had definitely heard that voice before. It was almost as if it was a trigger, because Sirius was suddenly feeling very irritated and angry for no apparent reason. Who in the world got Sirius this furious?

' _You didn't have to. Listen, I know we have never actually been friends, but it's been a while since I've actually seen someone from Hogwarts, other than James. If its okay with you, would you like to grab a few drinks from here?'_

Sirius's eyes widened.

' _I wouldn't mind at all…'_

He finally recognised that voice. It was that greasy git's; Severus Snape! Sirius couldn't believe that big nosed idiot would pry into the assignment so far as to personally come and ruin Sirius's plans. It was so typical of the bastard; trying to get ahead of Sirius and threatening the entire assignment. If Remus got suspicious, it was over! Everything Sirius had worked for the entire month would go down the drain! Remus would never trust him again; never even  _look_ at Sirius again!

Sirius banged the bathroom door open. 'You utter bastard! How dare you?'

Snape raised an eyebrow, arms crossing in front of his chest. 'Oh, look; one of the sideshow clowns just popped in for a shower. Though I doubt filth like that could be washed off with water.'

'Why you-' Sirius grabbed Snape by the collar and pushed him against the wall. 'I'll fucking kill you!'

'Sirius, let go this instant!' Remus yelled, grabbing Sirius by the shoulder. 'What are you even doing here?'

Sirius closed his eyes and calmed himself. He didn't let go of Snape's robes, 'Remus, I'm sorry. Can you please leave us alone for a moment?'

'Let him go, Sirius,' Remus warned, his grip on Sirius shoulder getting painfully tight. 'I mean it.'

Sirius let go grudgingly. It didn't mean the fight was over; it just meant that Sirius was rearing to kill. 'Look. I'm just going to have a friendly chat, alright?' His fists clenched involuntarily. 'I won't kill him, I promise…' Sirius was just going to beat him within an inch of his life.

Remus didn't look very convinced, but let go of Sirius's shoulder. 'Five minutes,' he warned, walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Sirius waited until he was sure Remus was well out of earshot, before grabbing Snape by the collar again. 'What do you think you're doing, you sly bastard?'

'Chatting to an old friend, of course,' Snape replied calmly, his dark eyes looking thoroughly uninterested. 'Did you know; we were in the same graduating class? Quite a coincidence, isn't it?'

Sirius grit his teeth. 'Don't fuck with me, Snape. You were aiming for him. He's  _my_  assignment,  _my_  responsibility! I bring the Horcruxes to you and you conduct the research, not the other way round. So just stick to your potions and cauldrons and do your bloody job, while I do mine.' Sirius pushed Snape viciously against the wall, before letting go. He wanted to bloody murder the bastard, but he had promised Remus, after all.

Snape looked unfazed as he straightened his robes. 'I must admit, you are doing quite the fine job. I'd always known you were low on morals, Black, but you've hit rock bottom in your desperation, haven't you?'

'What the fuck are you talking about, Snape?' Sirius spat, losing his patience quickly. It was better to leave, while his head was still relatively in place. He'd deal with Snape at work tomorrow; but today, Sirius wasn't in the best of moods. There was definitely no control over what he was likely to do if the wrong buttons were pushed.

'It's quite convenient, isn't it? He's a faggot, just like you, so you can just whore yourself out for information. Buy him out with a good fuck.'

Sirius's fist flew even before he knew it.

'Come on, let's go!' Sirius fumed, grabbing Remus by the wrist and pulling him outside.

'Wait,' Remus struggled. 'What about Severus?'

'I beat the crap out of him,' Sirius replied bluntly. 'Fucking git deserved it, too. I can't believe you! How can be this daft to pull down your defenses like that in front of that bastard! Damn it! Do you know how dangerous he is!' Sirius yelled, forcefully marching Remus to the bus stop. It would have been easier to apparate, but Remus had his bloody rules. 'Fucking devious bastard laying his greasy hands on you when he knows you're mine! Fuck, what if he'd gotten to you! Are you listening to me?' Sirius shook Remus by the shoulders, his fingers trembling from rage. 'What if he'd gotten to you before me? Damn it!'

Sirius pushed his way into the bus, keeping Remus close, so that they didn't get separated. There weren't any empty seats, so Sirius had to maneuver his way through the crowd into an empty corner. It was an uncomfortable corner, nonetheless, with bodies brushing and pushing against them. Sirius moved in front of Remus, so that he didn't get pushed around too much. They could go to the upper deck, Sirius figured, but he was honestly too angry to do more than glare at Remus. Stupid Remus who was looking confused, as if he didn't understand anything.

'Sirius, are you jealous?'

Sirius spluttered. 'What? What are you talking about?'

Remus blushed and looked away. The bright street lights and passing cars reflected on the surface of his glasses. 'You…the way you're talking…it sounds like…'

Some fat lump bumped hard into Sirius. 'Watch it!' Sirius spat, baring his teeth in anger until the lump apologised. 'Bloody…don't even know how to stand right.' Sirius turned back towards Remus to complain a bit more, when he suddenly realised that Remus's face was a lot closer than it had been earlier. He also realised that the fat lump had taken up so much space that Sirius was currently pressed against Remus in an extremely uncomfortable position. It shouldn't have been a big deal; Sirius had woken up next to Remus for an entire week, after all.

Except that suddenly, Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off of the water droplets falling from Remus's wet hair, and trickling down his neck. He was extremely aware of every breath Remus was taking; every rise of his chest that pushed Remus's body closer to Sirius's. Sirius could feel every movement Remus made, and was painfully reminded of the fight. His mind was reeling with images of Remus nearly naked and sweating, a feral growl escaping his lips with every hit.

Sirius gulped and tried to move away, only to elicit the most delicious sound from Remus's mouth. Sirius's leg was brushing lewdly against Remus's crotch, pushing his closer with every jerk of the bus and creating unwanted friction.

'Don't move,' Remus whispered urgently, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders. 'Don't move or I'll kill you.'

Sirius swallowed heavily. 'Sorry,' he whispered, not surprised when his voice came out hoarse and aroused. He was painfully hard and he knew Remus could feel it against his leg, the same way Sirius could feel Remus's. Fuck, he wanted to  _move._  'Remus, I-' Sirius's breath caught in his throat, as Remus licked his lips. Sirius's eyes were inexplicably drawn to the corner of the pink tongue and the glistening trail it left over the gentle bow of his lips.

'Sirius, don't…' Remus whispered, his hot breath fanning against Sirius's face. It was hypnotic: the movement of Remus's lips. Sirius couldn't help but get drawn to it, closer and closer. Just one touch, one simple touch; Sirius just wanted to taste them.

Remus shoved him away violently, causing Sirius to fall back against the passengers behind them. 'We're here,' he said hurriedly, pushing his way out of the bus.

Sirius sighed heavily, climbing out of the bus. He walked back slowly to their apartment, keeping sight of Remus's back but also keeping a good distance between both of them. Fuck, Sirius had almost kissed him. What was he even thinking?

'It's getting late, isn't it?' Remus laughed uncomfortably, once Sirius had locked the apartment door behind them. 'I hope you've eaten, because I'm not all that hungry.' Remus was standing with his arms wrapped protectively around himself, his feet shuffling uncoordinatedly. He looked so fragile and vulnerable, so untouchable that Sirius was possessed by an unquenchable urge to break him, violate him till there was nothing left.

Sirius looked away. 'I'll camp on the sofa tonight. 'The bed will be here tomorrow anyway, and I…' He pointed towards the obvious tent in his trousers.

Remus nodded, his body sagging in relief. 'Yeah. I'll see you in the morning then.'

'Mhm.' Sirius was going to have a very long wank in the shower anyway.

* * *

 

Jane shivered. 'Wow. They almost…wow…' She shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. 'But I don't understand. They were clearly attracted to one another. I'm sure they both knew it, so why didn't they go ahead? Why avoid each other this way?'

'It's complicated, Jane,' Lily explained. 'You have to understand, we're not talking about ordinary people here. Sirius was on an assignment. He didn't need to get involved with anyone. He never has in the past, because all Sirius cared about back then was his brother and the Horcruxes. Yet, he was finding himself thrust into an entirely new family. He was living with someone he was attracted to, but couldn't get involved with because it was  _work_. Major rule; you never get involved with your work. And most of all, you never stray from your objective.'

'And Remus?'

Lily smiled sadly. 'You know those popular novel phrases people use? Love of my life; my one and only; only yours? Have you ever wondered how much of it is true or even applicable to actual life? For almost five years, Remus's "only one" was Fabian. Then suddenly, Sirius comes along and Remus begins to have the same feelings of love, maybe even more for another person other than Fabian. So now you're left with a single question: at what point does it stop becoming betrayal and simply a matter of moving on?'

Jane blinked in confusion.

'I didn't know Fabian, too well. Not the same way Remus did, but let me tell you a little about Remus's last memory of him to understand it better. The very last time Remus saw Fabian alive...'

* * *

 

Remus carefully put the hot water bottles under Sirius's blankets. It was cold in the living room and the way Sirius slept with his arms spread out and his legs spilling over, he was very likely to catch a cold. The exposed areas of his skin from where the blanket had fallen over were cold to touch, and Remus gently tucked them in.

Sirius's hair, Remus realised for the first time, was incredibly soft to touch. Fine strands of ebony that slipped like water from between your fingers. Remus also realised that Sirius liked being petted and made soft sounds of content, as Remus's fingers gently carded through his hair. Sounds much like a dog; a Padfoot. Endearing sounds that made Remus smile and move closer, just to be able to hear them better.

' _You're home…'_

_Remus smiled, tucking Fabian's hair behind his ears and kissing him gently on the forehead. 'I'm home,' Remus whispered, letting Fabian wrap his arms around Remus's neck. Fabian had gotten clingy recently (ever since he became ill) and Remus indulged in him, mostly because he secretly enjoyed. 'How did it go at Mungo's?'_

_Fabian buried his face deep into Remus's neck. 'It's just stress and anemia. Nothing serious. They told me to stay off work for a bit.' Trembling fingers played with Remus's shirt buttons, wool scratching against Remus's skin. Nights were always cold in their apartment, but Fabian's illness seemed to have made things worse. Full sleeve t-shirts, mittens, sometimes a scarf; Fabian would bundle up tightly, refusing to remove them even when he broke out in sweat. 'How was work?'_

_Fabian's fingers brushed against Remus's sensitive areas, causing him to break into ticklish giggles. 'Threw out garbage, scrubbed pans, cleaned floors…the usual. One of the cooks let me watch this time. I learned how to make flan. I'll make you some tomorrow.'_

' _That's good,' Fabian whispered softly, his arms suddenly tightening around Remus. 'That's really good. I'm happy.' His voice was cracking now as he spoke, 'You're going to be one of them in no time, I know it.'_

_Remus frowned as Fabian's body broke out in soft tremors. 'Fay, what's wrong?'_

_Fabian's voice wavered as he whispered, 'Nothing…'_

' _Fay…' Remus pulled away, shocked, when he realised that Fabian was crying. 'What's wrong? Did something happen?' Remus cupped Fabian's face worriedly, scared as the tears flowed incessantly down his lover's cheeks. 'Fay, did someone hurt you? Tell me…'_

' _I'm scared,' Fabian sobbed. 'Remus, I'm so scared._

' _Of what?'_

_Fabian leaned his forehead against Remus's, kissing the tip of his nose softly. 'Of losing you…'_

_Remus wasn't sure what to say._

' _I love you,' Fabian whispered, kissing Remus's eyelids. 'I really love you. So much.' A kiss on each cheek. 'You've always been there for me; when Gideon died, during the war, this whole time. But I've been so selfish. I wanted to do so much for you.' A soft kiss on Remus's lips that tasted of tears and medicine. 'I haven't been able to do anything. I haven't been able to give anything. I haven't been able to spend enough time with you and-'_

' _Stop it,' Remus cut in harshly. 'I've never thought that way. I don't understand why you're suddenly saying such things.'_

' _I don't want you to hate me,' Fabian whispered, slowly pulling Remus towards him. 'I don't want to lose you.'_

_Remus rubbed soothing circles down Fabian's back, hand slipping underneath Fabian's t-shirt and searching for the spot that he knew calmed Fabian down. 'I'm right here. I love you.'_

' _Prove it,' Fabian whispered, hugging Remus tightly when Remus jerked back in surprise. 'Make love to me. Come inside me. Make a mess of me until all that's left in my world is you. Only you and no one else…'_

Remus hands fell from Sirius's hair. 'What am I doing?' He asked himself softly, moving away when he realised he was only inches away from Sirius's lips. He needed to keep away from Sirius; far away before things got out of hand. 'You're not even similar.'

* * *

 

'It sounds like,' Jane said softly, 'like Fabian knew he was going to die.'

'He did,' Lily confirmed, 'but of course, Remus would have never thought of it. I don't think anyone would ever think about their lover being murdered. But Remus still blamed himself.'

'Why? It's not even his fault and-'

Lily held up a hand. 'We'll get there. It's quite depressing, really. So instead, let me tell you about the pivotal point of Sirius and Remus's relationship. The day that everything turned around and Remus and Sirius had their very first kiss.'

'But they'd kissed before,' Jane supplied, even though her face told Lily that she was already interested. 'When Sirius…er…bought him, and then when…'

'First proper kiss,' Lily corrected, lowering her voice to make things more mysterious. 'The kiss that changed everything!'

* * *

 

Barely two weeks. There were barely two weeks left until Sirius's deadline for the Horcrux. After that, Beaumont was going to pass on the assignment to someone else. Someone who was going to barge into Lupin and Potter's lives and break them apart, just to get to the Horcrux. It was something Sirius should have done right from the start; something he'd done for all the other Horcruxes. But he couldn't do it with this family; Sirius, who was known for his apathy and disregard of human lives during missions. Perhaps it was because there wasn't enough proof yet...

'I didn't know we were having an entire cow for breakfast,' Sirius yawned, rubbing his eyes multiple times to make sure if he was hallucinating the mounting pile of steak on the breakfast table. It looked rather… _rare_ , for the better word; Remus seemed to be inhaling his meat. 'Are we in a hurry? This steak doesn't seem like it's been cooked.' Sirius reached for the plate. 'I could cook it for-'

Remus's knife stabbed the table, right in between Sirius's index and middle finger. 'Pancakes are on the counter,' he growled, glaring at Sirius with dark, shadowed eyes.

'Well done, I hope,' Sirius mumbled. Remus's knife scraped dangerously across his plate and Sirius hurried to the counter, keeping well out of Remus's weapon range. 'Yummy. I love pancakes. They're so…round?' Sirius wondered if he was digging his own grave. 'I mean, fluffy. And quite soft. Just like the mummies in Witch Weekly make. My mummy's wasn't quite as perfect, you see. She had this bad habit of mistaking the flour for rat poison and-'

'Shut up and eat.'

Sirius sat down quietly and poured maple syrup over his pancakes. Surreptitiously, he began counting exactly how many pieces of meat were piled on Remus's plate and exactly how many a second was he wolfing down. James had mentioned Remus's mood changes prior to the full moon, but he hadn't quite specified that Remus transformed into a hormonal bastard.

'Pass the chocolate syrup.'

Sirius raised his eyebrow, but didn't question as Remus began to squirt massive quantities of syrup all over his steak. It was vaguely sickening and Sirius half expected Remus to start adding spoonfuls of sugar. Thankfully, for Sirius's weak stomach, he didn't.

'There's dinner in the fridge for you to heat up,' Remus spoke grouchily, taking his plate (licked clean) to the sink. 'I won't be home tonight because of the transformation. If you make a mess, make sure to clean it.'

Sirius nodded, staring at Remus's back.

Barely two weeks were left.

_You can just whore yourself out for information._

No.

_Buy him out with a good fuck._

No.

_It's quite convenient, isn't it? He's a faggot, just like you._

No.

'Moony, I'm in love with you.'

Remus yelled out in pain as the hot water burned his hand. Sirius rushed out of his chair and quickly doused Remus's hand in cold water.

'Can't you go slow on a bloke or something?' Remus winced, his hand curling in pain under the tap. 'Saying you fancy me first would be more appropriate, you know. Shite!'

Sirius turned off the tap, using the end of his shirt to gently wipe Remus's reddening hands. He'd said it. Even before his brain could argue, Sirius's mouth had run ahead of him and said it. He shouldn't have; not when he didn't mean it. Was he really getting this desperate for the Horcrux; for Regulus?

_Regulus._

'Fuck, don't squeeze it so tight!'

_You can just whore yourself out for information._

Sirius grabbed Remus by the neck and crashed their lips together. He pinned Remus's struggling hands against the kitchen counter, tightening his grip at the wrists. Remus could have fought back if he really wanted; his protests were weak. He was yielding to Sirius too quickly; opening his mouth wantonly and rubbing his tongue sensually against Sirius's. There was a strong taste of raw meat in Remus's mouth, yet Sirius found himself delving deeper with uncontrollable desire. Sucking on Remus's bottom lip and pushing closer until they were nearly bended over. Sirius's hand slipped under Remus's t-shirt, and immediately pulled back when Remus bit hard into his lip.

'Don't…' Remus whispered, shaking and looking down at his feet.

Sirius moved closer and reached out for Remus, ignoring the bitter taste of blood in his mouth. He wasn't done yet. He hadn't had enough yet.

'DON'T COME NEAR ME!' Remus screamed, plastering himself to the counter and hugging his body defensively. 'Please, just…stay away….'

Sirius moved away hesitantly. 'I'm not trying to replace Fabian,' he said quietly. He'd already caused the damage, so he might as well play the part right. Convince Remus into going out with him; get Remus to trust him enough to tell him about the Horcrux. 'I want you to give me a chance. I won't do anything you don't like, but I need you to trust me. I'll…I'll take care of you.' There was a sharp pain in Sirius's chest as he said this. He had never felt so low or despicable his entire life.

Sirius ignored it.

The moment was ruined when the door burst open and James Potter and his son bounded in, 'Mornin', chaps! Look who came to pick you up! We're going to-Moony?' James looked confused when Remus suddenly rushed to him and pulled him into a hug. 'Oi, are you feeling ill?'

Remus shook his head. 'I…I…' Sirius wondered if Remus would say it; admit to everything that happened. 'I need more meat…'

James laughed and patted Remus on the back. 'Lily's got enough to last you the day. Come on, let's go…' James didn't believe Remus's excuse. It was obvious from the way he stared at Sirius, as if scrutinising him carefully. It was even more obvious from the way he still kept an arm around Remus's shoulders, even after they'd broken apart.

Sirius wiped his lower lip and looked away. It was better to change the subject and not incur the wrath of James Potter so early in the morning. 'Harry, do you want a piggyback on Padfoot?'

'YES!' Harry yelled enthusiastically, breaking the tense atmosphere. Then, as if realising something, he added in a smaller voice, 'Please?'

Sirius laughed and hoisted Harry easily to his back. Making sure to keep his voice low, Sirius leaned towards James and asked, 'He's potty trained, right?'

James glared. 'He's three.'

Sirius wondered if that meant Harry was old enough not to evacuate himself on Sirius's back.

Clueless as ever, Harry cheered as Sirius trotted down the stairs. 'Padfoot, will you be changing, too, tonight?'

Sirius chuckled. 'No, Harry.'

Harry pouted. 'Why not?'

'Because Padfoot is up to some dastardly deed and he needs to keep it a secret,' Remus answered. His voice was light and jovial as he spoke to Harry, and Sirius was just glad that he was back to normal again. James looked like he was about to hex Sirius's balls off back then.

'Ignore them,' James advised to Sirius, smiling. 'Moony and Harry together never make sense. Last time, I walked in on them having a conversation on what kind of toothbrush a crocodile used for his teeth.'

'Padfoot, you should change, too!' Harry also advised, pushing himself up Sirius's back and leaning close to Sirius's face. He smelled like a rather large carton of milk. 'That way you can play with Daddy.'

'I don't want to play with Daddy, Harry,' Sirius laughed, 'that's Mummy's job. Moony's more my type.'

Harry shook his head vigorously in argument. 'Daddy plays with Moony, too! Moony is SuperWolf and Daddy is Bambi!'

Remus chuckled as James's face turned a bright red. 'Harry, how many time have I told you not to call me that! Moony, stop teaching him to slander my greatness!' James turned a darker shade of red, when both Remus and Harry burst into a fit of giggles. 'Prats, the both of you. My own son…' Noticing Sirius's confused expression, James rolled his eyes and explained, 'I'm an Animagus. I take the form of a stag.'

Sirius stared, slack jawed. 'Oh.'  _Fuck._

* * *

 


	5. Four Words That Killed The Mood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

'I didn't explain this part to you, did I?' Lily asked, when she saw the confused expression on Jane's face. 'But before I do, I need to know your view on werewolves. I don't mean to be horrid or overprotective, but if you're even slightly prejudiced, then I'll be stopping my story here.'

Jane blushed and shook her head violently. 'I've never quite had an opinion, actually. I failed miserably in Defense at Hogwarts. Also, I don't think I can be prejudiced towards Remus; not anymore.'

Lily's stern expression cleared into a smile. 'That's good. You see, James knew about Remus's lycanthropy from a very young age, so it was never quite an issue for him. But as he grew up, he also understood the consequences of Remus's curse and how much damage it did him. Remus would sometimes be bedridden for weeks, just barely hanging on.' Lily couldn't help but feel a swell of pride for her husband. 'James became an Animagus for Remus in his Fifth Year, illegally of course. The werewolf only attacks humans, never animals. James's Animagus was a stag; just large enough to keep Remus in check during the full moons, and let him roam around the forest a little.'

Jane didn't say anything, but the awe and admiration in her face was self explanatory.

'Sirius was caught completely off guard, of course. He didn't think he'd be found. In all his years of working as espionage for the Order and then the Ministry, he'd never been found. So, it's only normal that he didn't suspect anyone.'

'Bit him right in the arse, didn't it?' Jane asked, laughing.

'Harder than you'd expect,' Lily replied, completely serious. 'Sirius had never seen a transformation before; very few people have. But let me tell you something, Jane, you wouldn't even want to if you could. Sometimes you feel as if it's better to just gouge your eyes out or kill yourself, than have to watch the person you care for the most go through so much pain. I've never seen a transformation, but I've seen Remus after, and I still feel that way…'

* * *

 

They knew.

Sirius tossed in his bed for the fiftieth time.

They knew.

His sheets were a mess from all the tossing and turning, and Sirius was sure that the soles of his boots were well worn out from all the restless pacing he'd done at work. He'd gotten nothing done all day, the only highlight of his day being Snape's bruised face. The greasy git's face had been so swollen that he hadn't even been able to greet Sirius with his customary morning scowl. It had been a while since Sirius had gotten into a fight, and beating Snape's face satisfactorily proved that Sirius hadn't quite lost his touch (or right hook) yet.

Sirius shook his head. This wasn't the time to be distracted. They knew. Remus and the little brat: they knew about Sirius being an Animagus. Sirius had completely underestimated them, most likely because one of them was three and the other acted like he was three. They knew what form he took, which also explained the ridiculous nickname he'd been given. How long had they known? More importantly, how far do they know? Not too far, Sirius figured, since he was still allowed to stay in the apartment. Still, Sirius needed to talk to Remus; to clarify things and if needed, wipe out his memory. Sirius hoped it wouldn't come down to memory charms; he didn't want to have to meddle with this family any further than he already had.

Sirius glanced at the clock: 6:00 AM.

He sighed and closed his eyes, focusing on deep plum curtains and the overpowering smell of baby powder.

'Sirius, you scared me!' Lily screamed, dropping the bag she was carrying and spilling its contents all over the floor.

Sirius bent down to help, frowning as he picked rolls of bandages and muggle ointment. 'I need to speak with Moon-Remus.'

Lily nodded, hurriedly zipping the bag and standing up. She used her teeth to pull the rubber band on her wrist and smoothly tied her hair into a knot. 'You have brilliant timing, I have to say. I'm just heading off, so we can apparate to the outhouse together.' She slung the bag over her shoulder and grabbed Sirius tightly by the arm. 'I don't want to leave Harry with Mrs. Figg for long. Last time, she fed him the most awful cakes and he was doing the stinky all day.'

Sirius never got a chance to tell Lily to please refrain from talking about "stinkies" so early in the morning. He was in the Potter house one minute, and the next, he was in what looked like was the remains of a tornado. It was a small room, with cracked wood floors and paint chipping off the ceilings. There were suspicious red-brown splatters everywhere and a pungent smell of sweat and dirt. Even Sirius's human's nose could make out that the house was probably built somewhere in the woods. There was no furniture in the room, save for a small bed pushed to the wall. Remus seemed to be sleeping in it, Lily gently stroking his hair.

'Lily, you bring out the towels and I'll get some water.'

Sirius's heart stopped. 'Wh-What is this?'  _Blood_. It was all Sirius could think of, all he could see. Remus's body was covered with fresh wounds, blood trickling down pale, feverish skin. 'W-What the hell happened?' There was a large gash on Remus's side that Sirius couldn't take his eyes off of. It looked fatal, especially when accompanied by Remus's shallow breathing and fluttering eyelids. Yet, everyone looked calm. Lily didn't seem to be unfazed by it at all; carrying out an ordinary conversation about her day at work yesterday. Couldn't she see the state Remus was in?

Sirius's hand trembled as they reached for his wand, his mind rushing through all the healing charms he'd learnt these past few years. 'Ep-'

Remus hand closed around the tip of his wand, as he spoke hoarsely, 'No.'

'You're bleeding,' Sirius said shakily, desperately trying to pull his wand away. 'I can fix it. Let me…'

Remus's grip tightened. 'Sirius, no…'

Sirius grit his teeth, feeling blood rush to his head. Why was Remus fucking arguing with him in this state? This could be fixed! Everything would be all right if Sirius just-

'Sirius, get off him!'

Sirius ignored Lily's screams, quickly climbing on the bed and pinning Remus's legs with his knees to stop him from struggling. 'It'll sting just a bit, I swear. I can heal you. I can heal you.' Lily was trying to pull him away; grabbing Sirius's by the shoulders, yelling for him to move, pulling his clothes. Sirius ignored her and ignored Remus's sudden expression of fear.

'Sirius, no,' Remus pleaded, hands scrabbling to gain control of Sirius's wand. 'I'm fine. Don't. Please, don't.' He was too weak to even speak properly; yet he was fighting against Sirius, his eyes shining brightly form the tears that were threatening to spill. 'No. No. No…'

'Sirius, stop it!'

It was infuriating. 'Don't be a fucking idiot!' Sirius screamed, feeling his own desperation rising up his throat. He wasn't going to be responsible. He wasn't going to just watch Remus bleed like that. It was ridiculous. 'Just fucking let me-'

There was a sound of something crashing to the floor, and rough hands grabbing Sirius by the shoulders and pulling Sirius forcefully off Remus. 'Calm down, Sirius!' James yelled, strengthening his grip as he practically dragged Sirius out of the room. He was deceptively strong, fighting back against Sirius's struggles, while trying to dislodge Sirius's wand at the same time. 'It's okay. Remus will be fine. Lily will take care of him. You've never seen a transformation before, so you're scared. But you're agitating him like this.'

Sirius struggled harder, trying to push back into the room. 'Are you out of your fucking mind? How can you say that? What the fuck is wrong with you two? He's fucking bleeding his guts all over the floor! Are you just going to bloody let him die?'

'We know what we're doing,' James replied, his voice starting to have an icy edge to it. 'We've been doing this for two years now.'

Sirius slapped James's hands away, feeling his anger rise as James blocked the door. Remus was hurt! 'Bogus muggle medicine won't get you anywhere!' _Remus was hurt!_  'Just fucking knock him unconscious and heal him! You're just hurting him by indulging in his bloody stupidity.'

James' nostrils flared. 'It's your problem if you don't understand his reasons, but I'll fucking kill you if you try and force him into anything,' he warned, drawing closer to Sirius, 'I saw those bruises on his wrists and how frazzled he was yesterday morning. Don't think you can get away with laying your hands of him like that!'

Sirius clenched his fists tightly, his entire body shaking from the effort it took to stand here uselessly, doing nothing. 'It's disgusting, you know, how much you obsess over him,' he spat viciously, 'you sure you're not the one wanting to lay your hands all over him.'

Sirius did not see the punch coming, though he fully expected it. He doubled over, holding his stomach from the pain. Breathing deeply, he realised that James wasn't wearing any shoes.

'What would you know about family? You left your own brother to die in filth!'

Sirius saw  _red_.

He launched himself at James; screaming with rage, as they descended to an all out brawl. Sirius didn't know which fists belonged to whom, except that they were hitting flesh. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted it to cause pain, even if that meant being on the receiving end to a punch in the eye or falling painfully on his back onto the hard wood floors.

'THAT'S IT!'

Sirius and James were forced apart and hung mid-air, both of them jerked angrily to face a fuming Lily Potter. She did not look pleased; her eyes bulging with fury and wand clenched tight enough to snap into half. Jaw quivering, she jerked her wand downwards, letting the both of them crash loudly to the floor.

Sirius groaned in pain. He could see why James always did as he was told. If Sirius were in his right mind, he would have sweet talked her into an apology. As luck would have it, all Sirius wanted to do right now was wring James's neck.

'James, you go take care of Remus!' Lily barked. 'Sirius, you're not allowed to come in under any circumstances! You can wait out here till I say so or go back home! I know what I'm doing with Remus, so I don't need you messing things up! Am I clear?'

Sirius didn't answer, nor did he bother to get up as she stomped inside and slammed the bedroom door shut. They didn't understand anything. They didn't understand how dangerous the situation was or how irrational Remus was being. They didn't understand how quickly a situation could spiral down to becoming uncontrollable and disastrous. They didn't understand what Sirius already knew. Naïve. Vulnerable. They should have let Sirius help! They should have let Sirius help when he could have!

_Sirius felt like he was dying. If he were to be honest, he probably was. It was the only explanation to the numbing pain in his legs and the deafening ringing in his ears. He couldn't move. Couldn't speak. He didn't know what was wrong with his voice; it was probably the only thing that hadn't been hit. Sirius could hear the screams and spells crackling in the air. It was quieter than it had been when they'd first started out. When the Death Eaters had gone into frenzy after the news spread about Voldemort's death. The good side was finally winning._

_Sirius's lips stretched into a painful smile._ This is okay, isn't it, Regulus?  _Sirius closed his eyes and breathed. This was okay. He wasn't able to finish it, but they were winning._

' _Damn it, you fucking blood traitor, I can't believe you got yourself into this!'_

 _Sirius's eyes snapped open. There was a Death Eater kneeling in front of him, wand poised at the leg of his trousers. Fear gripped his heart and he tried to move, scream, but his body refused to cooperate._ Move!  _Sirius screamed in his head._ Move! Move! Damn it, move!

' _I thought we taught you better, but both you brothers are the same! You just can't wait to get killed, can you, stupid bastard?'_

_Sirius stilled. He knew that voice! But why-?_

' _Fuck, look at you!' The white mask melted into familiar grey eyes and black hair: Uncle Alphard_.  _'If you're going to fucking betray your family and everything we believe in, at least have the decency to not make such a mess of yourself.' He muttered a quick healing spell towards the cut on Sirius's forehead, then moved on to his legs. 'I don't think I can heal broken bones, but I can patch you up till your mudblood friends get to you.'_

_Why, Sirius wanted to ask. Why was Uncle Alphard helping him? What was he doing here, helping Sirius when there was a war going on in the background? When they were both on opposing sides? When Uncle Alphard and the entire Black family had disowned him for not following in their "honourable" paths?_

_Uncle Alphard slapped him hard. 'Don't try to talk, you utter moron! You're going to make things a lot worse! Shite!' Sirius could see the frustration on his face; beads of sweat trickling down his forehead and eyes shining unusually bright. Uncle Alphard's hands were trembling as he surveyed the damage to Sirius's legs. He didn't look like his usual self at all. Nothing like the haughty, snobbish uncle he'd grown up to seeing. 'You've got a-'_

' _EXPELLIARMUS!'_

_Sirius screamed. He screamed in his head. He screamed in his soul. He screamed and screamed and screamed. His mouth opened and closed, but his throat stayed closed._

' _Oi, Black, you alright? Bloody hell, that Death Eater really did a number on you, mate!'_

_One. Two. Three. Four. One against four._

' _Oi, someone quickly get a Medi-witch this way! We have more injured people!'_

 _Sirius turned his head slowly to the right, ignoring the pain that shot like fire through his veins. Uncle Alphard wasn't moving. He was slumped back against a rock, his body bent backwards in an angle not humanly possible._ No.  _Alphard would get up soon, of course. He was probably knocked unconscious._ No.  _All Sirius had to do was help him. He didn't know a lot of healing charms, but Alphard only had a few wounds. The blood…it wasn't serious. Sirius could-_

' _Black, stay with us alright. We're going to apparate you to Mungos in a minute.'_

_Sirius could still-_

'So, you're the infamous Padfoot.'

Padfoot lifted his head as a new person walked in. This new person; he smelled weird. It wasn't a bad weird, but hidden underneath the smell of soap and water was something that didn't quite appeal to a side of Padfoot.  _Antiseptic_ , a part of his brain told him, but Padfoot didn't know what that meant.  _Moony,_ Padfoot replied instead, because even if he didn't understand the smell, he understood Moony. Moony was a friend.

'Such lovely eyes,' Moony whispered tiredly, reaching out a hand to scratch Padfoot behind the ears. 'I was waiting to see what you'd look like.'

Padfoot whined. Moony seemed weak and wounded. Padfoot licked one of the wounds on Moony's hand reassuringly, making Moony smile and hold him closer. Padfoot rested his head on Moony's shoulder, stretching his neck so that Moony could reach that spot near his ruff.

Moony laughed and then became serious again. 'I'm sorry for the way James acted earlier. It was unfair of him to use your brother like that.'

Padfoot knew sadness, but the sadness growing inside of him as Moony talked was overwhelming. It was dark and pushed painfully, insistently. It hurt to be this sad, so Padfoot moved closer to Moony hoping Moony would help him. Moony, even with the weird smell, was warm and gentle.

'I know James seems a bit much to most people, but that's how he is. He feels the need to protect his family, especially since we're all he has left now. Don't judge him for that.'

The sadness grew and Moony's thin fingers running through Padfoot's fur were no longer comforting. Moony's words brought pain that Padfoot didn't want. The pain that prickled near his eyes even though Padfoot didn't know how to shed human tears yet. The other side of him that had stayed dormant for so long; the side he didn't understand, told him it was okay. That Padfoot could sleep for a while if he liked and everything would be all right again. When Padfoot woke up, his other side promised, they could play in the sprinklers again.

'He didn't have the right,' Sirius whispered, wrapping his arms around Remus tightly to keep him from moving away. 'He didn't have the right to talk about my brother like that when he didn't even show up at the funeral.' Sirius closed his eyes when Remus continued to run his fingers through Sirius's hair. 'No one did, except for me and my mother. Most of the purebloods were Death Eaters and thought of him as a traitor, and the rest thought of him as Voldemort's filth. Regulus was alone till the very end, but he never showed it. James didn't have the right to talk about him as if he knew.'

'I'm sorry,' Remus said softly, his hands still and his head falling to Sirius's shoulder. 'If it comforts you, Lily gave him a good talking to and he's going to be sleeping on the sofa for a while.'

Sirius laughed weakly. He wondered if it was possible to hold Remus any closer. 'Let me heal you. Please…'

Remus shook his head and yawned. 'I heal quickly. Don't worry; James helps.'

'If you had told me about the Animagus, I would have come,' Sirius argued. 'I would have helped.'

'Seemed like you…'Remus yawned again. '…wanted to keep it a secret.'

Sirius  _had_  wanted to keep it a secret. A part of him still didn't want anyone to know, but would it have made a difference back then if Remus had told him about the transformation? Would he have still kept quiet about it and hoped that James would be enough. James wasn't enough. Remus was still injured; probably was every single month. Yet, despite everything, Sirius still didn't know how to answer his own question. 'I'm unregistered,' he told himself more than Remus. 'So I had to…'

'I don't know what it is that you want,' Remus whispered, catching Sirius off guard.

'I-' Sirius tried to explain, but couldn't come up with anything. 'I-' Anything to get him out of the spotlight, to cast away Remus's suspicions if any. 'I want you,' Sirius said quickly in an attempt to save the situation.

Remus laughed softly and shook his head. 'I don't know. I don't know,' he repeated, words coming out slightly slurred. 'I can't trust you because I don't understand you.'

Sirius didn't know what to say. 'I-I'm the one who doesn't understand. You-'

Remus let out an ungainly snore.

'I don't understand you at all,' Sirius chuckled, hooking an arm underneath Remus's knees and picking him up all too easily. Things weren't better at all. Sirius still wanted to take advantage of Remus's vulnerability and heal him with magic. He still wanted to pin James to the wall. He still wanted to find the Horcrux and get out of this place and this family before things became too complicated. Leave before Sirius became even more confused and conflicted than he already was.

But as James shot him an apologetic look and Lily flustered over Remus and helped put him to bed, Sirius thought it was okay to just stay for a while. Stay and forget, only for a little while, who he really was.

* * *

 

'That's awful,' Jane whispered, eyes wide and horrified. 'For both of them. It's…I can't even imagine…'

Lily nodded sympathetically. 'But you know what they always say: broken people make each other whole. And I don't think you'll find a better example than Remus and Sirius.'

'I don't understand one thing, though…' Jane continued, looking a little hesitant, as if afraid it would bring out another horrible part of Remus and Sirius's lives. 'Remus was completely against magic, so far as to even stop Sirius when he tried to help. Then why did he let James…'

'Accompany him in the transformation?' Lily chuckled humourlessly. 'Trust me, if Remus had his way entirely, he wouldn't have. I admit, both James and I tend to spoil him a bit, but this was one thing we really put our foot down on. We had a huge argument over it, tears and all, but that was one thing he conceded on.'

'I still don't agree with it,' Jane argued, 'He was completely battered and still, he wouldn't allow Sirius to help. I'm not saying Sirius wasn't in the wrong himself, but…'

'Remus has his reasons,' Lily assured, 'and he is a little hard headed. But the key with Remus is perseverance and Sirius was nothing if not persistent…'

* * *

 

The front door was open, so Sirius let himself in. He wondered if the Potters had any sense of caution at all. Then again, with a woman like Lily in the house, it was very unlikely for anyone to dare break in and risk being decapitated and being handed their balls in a jar. He could hear tinkering in the kitchen, presumably Lily; since James was still at work and Remus was on forced bed rest. The telly (a muggle invention Sirius entirely agreed with) was probably turned on as well, since Sirius could hear a lot of banging and crashing from the living room.

Sirius entered the living room to see Remus lying on the couch, covered in a thick wool blanket and chewing on celery sticks. The telly was turned off and there were muggle toys scattered all over the floor. Sirius frowned. 'Hello?'

'Blimey!' Remus exclaimed suddenly, making Sirius jump. 'It's only you.' Remus threw off the blanket with a sigh of relief and bent down to peek under the couch, giving Sirius a wank worthy view of his arse. 'Oi, Harry, it's okay. It's just Padfoot.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow, as Harry crawled out from under the couch. Sirius noticed that he was wearing the same traffic light red shirt as Remus, and holding up the bottom of his shirt in a mock pouch, filled and nearly spilling with chocolate.

'Good lad,' Remus praised, as Harry dumped all the chocolate into Remus's lap. He picked up Harry by the arm pits and hoisted him up on the couch so that they were sitting side by side. 'Here, Padfoot; you can have these.' Remus handed over his plate, as Sirius made to sit down beside Harry. 'You might even enjoy them.'

Sirius stared at the plate. 'What is this?'

'Carrot sticks,' Remus explained, though he probably knew that Sirius was mostly asking a rhetorical question. 'With hummus.'

That did explain the brown goop on the side. 'Ah.'

Remus took a bite of his chocolate. 'It's supposed to be good for you; the eyes especially' he added helpfully, passing over his chocolate bar to Harry, who took a bite and then handed it back to Remus. 'And the hummus adds that _dash_ of flavour.'

Sirius looked at the plate. The hummus really didn't make it any more appealing. In fact, Sirius wouldn't mind having the chocolate Remus and Harry were sharing back and forth between themselves.

'I'm a werewolf,' Remus deadpanned, 'the bloodthirsty kind, but Lily seems to have me confused with a bear. Last time, she had me eating berries for two days to  _detoxify_  my system.'

'I bought you pudding,' Sirius said sympathetically, offering his little plastic packet.

Remus's eyes widened. 'How did you know?' he asked, eyes glazing over as he held the six-sup pudding lovingly. 'Harry and James never get the right flavor.' When Harry pouted petulantly, Remus handed him an apology pudding. 'I still love you, Harry.'

'Moony's the best!' Harry replied happily, digging in.

Sirius smiled and helped himself to one as well, moving Lily's carrot sticks well away from sight. 'You were asking for it in your sleep when I came to visit last night,' he explained, 'I think you were having a wet dream about pudding.'

'I do have those quite often,' Remus agreed through a mouthful of pudding. 'My laundry bills are out the roof.'

Sirius laughed. It was one of the things he admired about Remus; his quick wit and sarcasm. Remus hadn't been lying when he'd told Sirius that he healed fast, but even so he was injured; and Sirius was sure he was still sore in places. But Remus never let it show and he always kept up his cheerful attitude, especially around Harry who always wanted to "play with Moony" and "show Moony the trick he'd learnt".

Suddenly, Sirius was overcome by an urge to brush Remus's cheek.

'So why are you here?' Remus asked, peeling the cover of his second pudding cup. 'Work finished early?'

'Sort of,' Sirius replied ambiguously, focusing on his fingernails and how chipped they were. It wasn't as if he could tell Remus that Sirius's primary task right now was  _him._  In fact, Sirius now had to concentrate entirely on Remus if he wanted to meet the deadline. One week. Sirius had one week to get Remus to trust him enough to tell him about Fabian and the Horcrux. One week and Sirius would be out of their lives. Completely out of their lives and back to his old one. Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. 'I came to pick you up. I know the apartment's just a few minutes away, but you're not well. Do you want to see your ride?'

Remus snorted. 'Are you making a pass at me?'

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, making Harry laugh. 'Is it working?'

Remus rolled his eyes. 'You look like an utter arse.'

'Moony!' Harry scolded, scandalised. 'You said the a-word!'

Remus blushed and apologised.

This time, Sirius gave in to temptation and brushed Remus's cheeks with his thumb, tracing the edge of his lips slightly before moving away. 'Come outside. Let me show it to you.'

Remus laughed, moving away slightly from Sirius's touch. Despite Remus being inconspicuous, Sirius couldn't help but notice the distance between them. 'You really don't know when to stop, do you, Padfoot?'

'Shut up,' Sirius punched Remus lightly on the arm 'Stop being so difficult and just come with me.' Before Remus could make another camp sexual innuendo, Sirius interrupted, 'Don't even say it. Just come and see…' Sirius picked Harry up and threw him over his shoulder. 'You too, brat. You want to see Padfoot's ride?'

'Vroom!' Harry replied happily, completely unconcerned over being treated like a sack of potatoes. 'You, too, Moony!' He called out, holding out a small hand for Remus to take.

Remus laughed and hurried to follow, as Sirius broke into a run to the front door. Not that Sirius was trying to entertain the brat on purpose, but children were children, and childish laughter tended to be contagious. Also, Harry was a child who knew exactly how to use his enormous green eyes and abnormally pudgy cheeks to his advantage. Sirius blamed candy and Remus, who did not have pudgy cheeks but did have an oddly appealing Adam's apple.

'Moony, Padfoot stole the Bat Mobile!'

Sirius and Remus burst out laughing, panting while doing so from their little race to the driveway. 'What do you think? Pretty slick, yeah?' He put Harry down and straightened up, feeling inexplicably proud of his bike when Remus's jaw dropped. 'I haven't ridden her since school, but a little cleaning job and petrol was all it took to get her running again.' The bike was  _beautiful_ ; that's what Sirius had always thought. It sometimes reminded Sirius of his Animagus: monstrously large and pitch black, with fantastic speed and a tendency to attract attention when it wanted to.

Sirius was pleased to note that Remus's eyes were glazed over in a very similar manner to when he was admiring his pudding. 'It is quite brilliant.' He moved closer and gingerly touched the handles, running his hand smoothly over the body. 'Wow. I can't believe you rode this in school.'

Sirius nodded and laughed as he noticed Harry's struggles at getting on the bike. He gave the brat a little hand. 'It was back when I was still trying to impress women. A little stage of rebellion, you can say.'

'I never even bothered,' Remus said, idly straightening the mirror. 'I was a bit of a pansy from the start really; always hiding behind James and ogling at Quidditch players.' He smiled up coyly at Sirius. 'For years, James thought I actually liked Quidditch and couldn't play because of my condition. Boys and brooms: what self respecting poofter would pass up a chance like that?'

Sirius stared.

'What?'

'Nothing,' Sirius replied, not bothering to look away. That smile; that slight tilt of lips at the corner and the twinkle of mischief in Remus's eyes. It was absolutely criminal. 'It's nothing.' Sirius whispered, edging closer. 'Just you.' Sirius put a hand over Harry's eyes.

'Peek-a-?'

'Just me what?' Remus asked self consciously. 'Is there pudding on my chin? It seems to happen quite often.'

'Yeah,' Sirius lied, his voice coming out husky. 'That's it.' He slowly pushed his lips against Remus's. It was a chaste kiss; just a simple touch of lips, enough to taste the lingering sweetness of the pudding on Remus's lips. When Remus didn't push him away, Sirius kissed him again, gently sucking Remus's lower lip and licking a possessive trail with his tongue before parting. Sirius could feel Remus's body trembling against his touch, so he moved away reluctantly. Sirius hadn't actually intended to kiss him. It was as if something had taken control of his body, and was still pushing him to move closer just a little bit. Sirius resisted; Remus was unpredictable. Even now, Sirius didn't know how he was going to react.

Sirius breathed in deeply, hands going numb and falling away from Harry's eyes.

'-Boo! Padfoot, you're really bad at this. You're supposed to do it quickly!'

'Sorry,' Sirius whispered, hands clenching tightly from the urge to touch Remus. 'I got carried away. I know you…' Sirius trailed off, eyes unable to tear away from the slight shimmer of Remus's kiss wet lips. 'I…I want you to give me a chance, if nothing else…'

Remus looked down at his feet, but said nothing.

Sirius grappled for his keys in his pocket, purposely taking his time to keep his hands occupied. 'Harry, could you tell mummy I'm taking Moony home?'

Harry stopped playing to frown at Sirius, then Remus. 'Moony promised we'd race cars together.'

Sirius looked at Remus, who still seemed quiet. 'Moony isn't feeling very well, Harry. He needs to go home and sleep.'

Harry stood up on the seat and placed a thoughtful hand on Remus's forehead, as if checking his temperature. Sirius doubted Harry knew what he was doing, but it was oddly endearing nonetheless. 'Okay,' Harry gave his permission. 'Moony, you sleep, alright? But not with Padfoot.'

Remus broke into a fit of coughs; his first reaction since their kiss. Sirius didn't know whether to be relieved or thoroughly disturbed.

'Padfoot smells funny,' Harry concluded. He kissed Remus on the cheek and held out his hands to be let down. 'You'll play with me tomorrow, won't you?'

Remus smiled and nodded weakly. 'I'll take you to the beach. We can make a sand-man.'

Harry nodded in approval and ran back into the house, waving goodbye. Sirius watched him, pleased that Remus wasn't running the other direction as well. That he hadn't rejected Sirius offer to take him home. Things were getting out of hand with Remus; spiraling out of control, if Sirius were to be honest. He had to be more tactful than this. He needed to play this right, so that Remus became attached to him and not scared witless.

Sirius sighed and looked at Remus, who was buckling his helmet. Suddenly, Sirius didn't want to do this anymore. It was tiring. Sirius put on his best grin and jumped onto the bike. 'Do you know, this baby could fly once upon a time? Still can probably, but I know how anal you are about magic.'

'Sorry,' Remus whispered, barely audible over the sounds of the engine.

'It's fine. We can still fly,' Sirius laughed at his own lame pun and took off at high speed. It had been a while since he'd done this; just let go of all his inhibitions, his worries, and just cruised on his bike. He used to do it all the time back in school; sneaking out of grounds for a night of open skies and the wind blowing tangles into his hair. The bike had been his only salvation back then; the only bit of freedom he'd been allowed as the heir to Black nobility. The only bit of freedom he'd had all his life before his name and then his past took over. Sirius wondered when it was that he'd stopped caring.

'Watch out for that car!' Remus yelled suddenly, his arms flying around Sirius's waist and squeezing tightly. 'Do you always drive this recklessly?'

'I don't know,' Sirius replied, his heart speeding up as he felt Remus bury his face in the nape of his neck. 'I didn't think I was being reckless. Now that you mention it, there are quite a few people cursing at us, isn't there?' Sirius laughed and sped up even more, revving the engine purposefully loud. 'Don't fall off now! We're almost there!'

'If I fall, I'll kill you!' Remus screamed, tightening his hold around Sirius and pushing himself closer. Sirius was all too aware of Remus's crotch suddenly pressed against his arse. 'If I don't get run over by a truck first, I'll definitely kill you!'

Sirius pulled to an abrupt stop, making an old lady high jump across the pavement.

'You bloody youngsters!'

He watched with amusement as Remus quickly got off the bike, trying to get his bearings. His feet moved clumsily and arms swayed haphazardly, as he tried to steady himself. Sirius chuckled and caught Remus just as he was about to topple over.

'Easy there, love,' Sirius grinned, helping Remus stand and keeping a firm arm across his waist. Just in case he fell again. 'You alright?'

'I'll kill you,' Remus replied, going cross eyed as he let Sirius guide him into the building. 'When I get back my hand-eye coordination, I'll kill you. And then I'll…I'll…'

'There's not much you can do after killing a person,' Sirius reasoned with a cheeky smile. 'But it was a good ride, wasn't it? Bloody liberating. I ought to do it more often. We could-oi, what's wrong?' Sirius stopped mid-stairs when Remus flinched under his attempt to take his hand. 'Are you hurt?' Sirius pulled back the right sleeve of Remus's shirt, eyes going directly to the yellowing bruise circling his wrist. There were a few more healing cuts here and there, but Sirius's eyes stayed glued to Remus's wrists. He knew where those bruises were from, of course. He'd given them to Remus. 'Sorry…'

'It's alright. Don't worry about it,' Remus replied hastily, pulling down his sleeves again.

'No. I was rough with you the other day.' Sirius gently held both of Remus's hands and kissed each wrist tenderly. 'I wasn't trying to hurt you. I-'  _One week_. 'I love you,' Sirius whispered, ignoring the sudden tightening of his throat. 'I love you and I…' There was no point in feeling guilty now; Sirius had already come this far. There was no meaning to the way his heart clenched painfully. 'I love you and I want you to give me a chance. Tr-Trust me. Give yourself to me.'

He was going to betray himself. Sirius was going to betray himself to Remus, spill out the truth somehow. His shaky voice and trembling fingers were going to give everything away. Remus would know, would see through everything!

Sirius buried his face into the crook of Remus's neck; closed his eyes before his guilt started to show. Occupied his mouth before he relented under Remus's deep amber gaze and told him everything. He kissed a slow, deliberate trail: neck, ear, chin, cheeks; gentle this time, because he didn't want to hurt Remus. Not more than he was already going to.

'Padfoot,' Remus whispered hoarsely. 'Sirius, stop…someone might-'

'Yeah,' Sirius relented and buried his face into Remus's shoulder, still keeping a firm hold around Remus's waist. 'Yeah, let's go in and…this is okay, right?' Sirius stroked Remus's cheek with the back of his hand. 'Tell me it's okay…'

Remus bit his lip and for a second, Sirius was sure he was going to be rejected and pushed away like the last time. He was sure and that would have been okay, because Sirius wasn't about to give up. He  _couldn't_  give up; he needed to get close to Remus. He needed Remus to-to-

'It's okay,' Remus replied slowly, twining his fingers with Sirius's. 'I'm…'

Sirius squeezed Remus's hand and pulled him quickly up the stairs, hands fumbling to open the apartment door and feet stumbling over each other, as Sirius guided them to his bedroom. They fell to the bed, Remus on top of him, and Sirius vaguely remembered James comment about how uncomfortable hard Sirius's mattress was. Sirius couldn't be bothered. There were a lot of other uncomfortably hard things he had to worry about.

'Padfoot, I-'

Sirius flipped them over, pushing Remus into the mattress and kissing him hard. His hands slipped under Remus's shirt, memorising the hard angles of his chest: the taut, wiry muscles that had driven Sirius mad with lust only a few days ago. Sirius pulled Remus's shirt over his head, lips and teeth immediately attacking Remus's chest, pulling on his nipples and marking the skin underneath Remus's collar bone with his teeth.

'You too,' Remus said huskily, hands breaking away from Sirius's to work on the buttons of Sirius's shirt.

Sirius moaned when Remus arched wantonly, pushing their groins together. 'Fuck,' he cursed, as Remus slowly ran his tongue over every inch of skin that he exposed – slowly, deliberately, teeth scraping in just the right places. 'Fuck,' Sirius cursed again, burying his hands in Remus's hair and letting Remus unbutton his trousers and flip them over again. Sirius's eyes rolled to the back of his head, when Remus's hands ventured past the waistband of his pants. 'Shite, don't tease me, Moony…'

'I'm not,' Remus panted, hands forming a tight fist around Sirius's cock and stroking slowly. He moved up Sirius's body, bare skin brushing deliciously together as Remus slipped his tongue into Sirius's mouth.

 _Hot._  That was the only thing Sirius could think of at that moment. The heat of Remus's mouth as Sirius explored it with his tongue. The heat of Remus's hands as they moved around Sirius's cock. The heat of Remus's body, laying above him and moving to create friction that was too little and too much at the same time. The heat of Remus's skin, as Sirius's hands tried desperately to touch everywhere; hands slipping under Remus's trousers to cup his arse and pull him closer.

Sirius wanted that arse. He wanted to fuck Remus till he couldn't stand, and even then Sirius didn't think it would be enough. Sirius wondered where he'd kept the lube and condoms, and if he could reach them without parting from Remus's lips.

Conveniently, Remus suddenly stopped kissing him. 'What are you doing?'

Sirius raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was a trick question. 'Snogging? Shagging, almost…?'

'Your fingers,' Remus grit out, looking unexplainably angry, 'they're on my arse…'

'Yes, they are,' Sirius confirmed, though he had a feeling that it was probably a good idea to remove his hands well away from said arse. Remus's eyes were boring into him quite dangerously. 'It would hurt otherwise, but you should already know this. I mean you-'

' _I'm_  straddling  _you_ ,' Remus cut in sternly, ' _Your_ dick in  _my_  hands.' He made his point quite clear as he moved his hands away from Sirius's cock. Sirius nearly cried. 'The one being shagged here, is  _you_.'

It took some time for the blood to go back to circulating in his brain from him cock, and process what Remus was saying. 'What?' Sirius laughed, sitting up. 'Are you joking? You can't possibly…' Sirius laughed again as Remus's face went bright red and his lips started to turn in an unconscious pout. 'I mean, you're obviously the one being fucked, considering, well…'

'Considering…'

Sirius snorted and tried to explain: 'Well, you're shorter, of course. I mean, you're a lot smaller and you're body's just puny. There's no way someone as skimpy as you could possibly top me, especially given our size differenc-'

Sirius quite honestly did not see the punch coming.

Nor did he expect Remus to walk out with a  _'you fucking git'_  and slam the bedroom door behind him. Mostly, he didn't think he would have to go to the office next morning with a black eye, and face the satisfactory look and two finger salute from Snape in the first hour of work itself. Mostly, Sirius didn't understand exactly why Remus had to hit him over something so trivial, not to mention pass up the chance for a brilliant shag. He also didn't understand how exactly he was going to make things right again, enough to make it to his one week quota…

* * *

 

'They were both tops,' Lily concluded, joining Jane when she burst out laughing. 'Both the other the exact same way: submissive and underneath them.'

'Are you kidding me?' Jane cried between peals of laughter. 'Merlin, that must have been an uncomfortable situation.'

'Horribly so,' Lily agreed, still chuckling. 'But Sirius really blew things with Remus; he made the situation a lot worse, if I had to be accurate. Four words out of his mouth was all it took to royally kill the mood.'

'How do you mean?'

'Well, I'm sure you remember from when I talked about Remus and James's childhoods together, Remus was quite a meek little thing, always clinging on to the back of James's shirt. But I also told you that Remus Lupin is not to be taken lightly. He doesn't look it and he probably still doesn't quite know it, but Remus is extremely strong.'

'I'm not sure I quite understand.'

'You could say, Remus has…er…quite a traumatic past.'

* * *

 

James surveyed their little sand accomplishment with pride. He and Remus had been working on it all morning, running back and forth from the house to the playground, fetching James's bucket and spade. James's mum had yelled at them twice for running too fast, but it had been completely worth it. They were almost done, and all that was left was for Remus to bring-

'JAMIE!'

James's head whipped around in shock, when he heard Remus's crying voice. James thought Remus cried a bit much for a boy who was already eight years old, but Remus never cried without reason. He cried when he was hurt or scared, and right now, Remus looked like both. 'What's wrong?' James asked, abandoning their sand figurine and running towards Remus. 'I thought you were going to get us some buttons for Mr. Snuffle's eyes?'

Remus couldn't even speak beyond his tears, sniffling and wiping his nose all over his shirt. He had already been covered in dirt from when they were building Snuffles, but he looked filthy now. His face was all red and blotchy, and black in places where the dirt had stuck. 'Oi, what happened?' James yelled in concern, when he noticed Remus's skinned knees and torn shorts. 'Who did this to you?'

'T-The boys at the l-lake,' Remus hiccupped, 'They called me a sh-shorty and a puny b-bastard, and pushed me and…' He burst into a fresh wave of tears, unable to do much more than gurgle and sniffle pathetically.

'Are they still there?' James asked angrily, using the edge of his own shirt to wipe off some of the dirt on Remus's cheek. Not that Remus needed it; his tears were doing a shining job of cleaning his face. 'They should be, right? I'll beat the shite out of them!' James declared, stomping out of the sandbox and then breaking into a run. The lake wasn't far from here; James would reach them before they left. They would be sorry for picking on Remus, especially since he was so small and weak. James hated dirty play. Most of all, he hated when other people bullied the weak for no good reason. James knew better than anyone else that Remus could never hurt anybody, so James would hurt those bloody bullies in place of Remus.

'James, you shouldn't!' Remus called out, running after James. 'They're really big! Jamie, wait!'

James knew they were the ones as soon as he saw them. Bullies, James discovered from a large amount of muggle television and comic books, tended to be ugly and twice the size of normal people. They also tended to have horrible dentition that looked like they'd been eating sewage all their lives.

'Are you the ones who pushed Remus?' James asked, feeling his anger rise again as all three of them snickered.

The bullies came closer, but James stood his ground; planting his feet firmly and crossing his arms over his chest. James glared at them fiercely, making clear that he wasn't scared of a bunch of dim witted, ugly snots.

The bullies snickered annoyingly and one of them spoke, 'That puny little pansy boy?' he mocked, pointing at Remus, who was standing a little behind James, quivering with fear. James moved a little, so that he shielded Remus. 'Wouldn't dream of pushing such a cutie, would we, boys?'

James felt the heat rise to his face, as they broke into guffaws, high-fiving each other as if the big git had something incredibly funny. James clenched his teeth and ran towards the stupid git, fist rising and colliding with his big belly. 'I hate liars!'

The bully's belly jiggled and then stilled. Disappointingly, that was the extent of effect James's punch had. Much to James's humiliation, they all burst out laughing. Before James could salvage his pride with a harder punch, the bully's fist flew directly at his nose, making James fall back in surprise.

'Jamie!'

'Stay back, Remus!' James yelled in warning, before being hit again in the stomach. The bully was climbing on top of James, pinning his legs, while the other two guffawed.

'James!'

'I thought I told you to-' James words died in his throat, as Remus screamed and charged head first at the bully, knocking him clean off of James and onto the ground.

'Don't hurt James!' Remus screamed, sitting on top of the bully's knees and punching him hard in the face. 'Don't hurt him, you stupid baboon!'

James watched stupefied, as Remus kept hitting the bully repeatedly. He'd never seen this side of Remus before. Remus, who was quiet, shy and easily scared. Remus, who was always a little tired, but loved to play, and always hid behind James when he saw strangers. James hadn't even known Remus's hands could form a fist; forget actually hitting someone with them. James didn't even know who this Remus was. The Remus who had just scared away the other two bullies and had reduced the other one to begging to be let go, and  _sorry, sorry, sorry! Oh fuck, sorry!_

'Remus, that's enough!' James cried, recovering from the shock and quickly pulling Remus off the bully. Luckily, Remus was small and light, so James was able to lift him easily by the armpits. The bully took the opportunity to quickly crawl away and make a run for it.

'Run to your mummy, you stupid berk!' Remus screamed, struggling against James's hold. 'And don't piss your pants on the way!'

'Calm down, Remus,' James soothed, trying not to show his shock at hearing such dirty words come from Remus's mouth. Remus never swore. 'Come on. Calm down.' Remus was shaking violently in James's arms; James suspected from residual anger. 'They're gone now. It's okay.' James wondered if Remus was going to go into a mad attack again. He didn't think he could control someone that strong, even though Remus usually always listened to James.

'Jamie,' Remus pouted, turning and holding up his hands to James. 'I hurt my knuckles.' Subsequently, he burst out crying again; leaving James to pat him on the back soothingly, wiping Remus's snotty nose, and feeling relieved that Remus really hadn't changed at all.

* * *

 


	6. Your Five Fingers Against Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

Jane peered at the picture of Remus closely, 'He doesn't look very short to me, to be honest,' she admitted. 'Perhaps it's the picture?'

'He's not short at all,' Lily replied giggling. 'He's around 5 feet 9, I think. Just about James's height. Sirius never actually meant Remus was short. He meant Remus was  _shorter,_ which was completely true. Except he didn't word it very well. And Remus is…a bit sensitive about it.' Lily fished out an older picture of Remus and James from their Second Year. James had wanted to throw out the picture because he'd been going through his knobby-knees-pimply-boy-stage back then, but Lily had preserved it for future rainy days when she would need a good laugh. 'Remus didn't have his growth spurt until Seventh Year. Until then, he was extremely small and painfully thin. He got teased a lot by the older boys for looking like a girl. I think most of them thought he  _was_ a girl.'

Jane's eyes glittered with mirth as she looked at the picture. She obviously found it equally hilarious. It wasn't just James; Lily was not exaggerating when she'd said that a lot of people often mistook Remus for a girl. If she wasn't already married to James, even she would have been jealous of the picture. 'He looks very different now,' Jane commented, smiling, 'But I guess he still gets annoyed if he thinks he's being treated like a girl. Is that why he hit Sirius?'

Lily laughed. 'Have you ever heard of the Couple Pattern, Jane?'

Jane shook her head.

'Every couple has a pattern. It's nothing good and nothing bad; just a routine they follow unknowingly because that's what defines and shapes their relationship. James and I are the same. From the very beginning, James would chase after me, trying to woo me in, and I would pretend to be offended by his cheesy attempts. The cheesier he got, the better our sex life got. I think last Valentine's, he tried to serenade me though our bedroom window and ended up breaking his leg.' Lily blushed as she got carried away. 'Sirius and Remus's pattern is that they constantly fight over the silliest things. Fists fly sometimes, since they're both men, but that's how they work. The most infuriating thing about them is that they don't have normal arguments like normal, ordinary people. They argue over each other's compliments.'

Jane frowned, clearly amused. 'Is that even possible?'

'Trust me; with Remus and Sirius, anything is possible…'

* * *

 

Lily had a firm idea of what kind of person she was. If someone had asked her to describe herself in a single word: she'd say 'brilliant'. It was not a baseless one word assumption. Of course, Lily firmly believed she was brilliant because she  _was_. She was a brilliant mother, a brilliant wife, a brilliant career woman, and just simply brilliant in matters of brilliance. What she was not brilliant at was cooking. And while she was quite brilliant at coming up with fun ideas, she had to admit that having a camping trip was not as brilliant as she first made it out to be. Her brilliance was turning quite sour, as she sat watching her not so brilliant husband, son, and Remus Lupin pitch the tents in every wrong way possible. Under normal circumstances, Lily would have taken over. Not because she was controlling, obsessive, or considered above the un-brilliance of men, but because she  _knew_  how to do it. Unfortunately, she was stuck with Sirius's Black's heavy head on her lap and an even heavier burden of his woes, as he described in detail how he failed to have sex with her three year old son's babysitter.

'So then he gives me this bleeding shiner right here, see? It's the colour of puke now.'

It was horribly disturbing. 'Well, you did insult him, Sirius,' Lily tried to reason, hoping Sirius would see the light of truth and quit talking already. James and Remus were now using Harry as a human paperweight to hold down one side of the tent, while they tried to find the rest of the equipment.

'I was not insulting him,' Sirius replied petulantly, reaching for the box of sandwiches. Sandwiches that were meant to be eaten  _after_  they'd finished pitching the tent, but at the pace those three were going, Lily honestly didn't have the heart to deny Sirius's growling stomach. It would have been even better if the sandwiches would somehow clog Sirius's ability to speak, but he continued through a good mouthful: 'I was just pointing out the obvious differences in our stature- you know these taste like Remus's sandwiches.'

'Remus is a sensitive bloke, Sirius,' Lily replied distractedly, patting Sirius on the head. He had horribly soft hair and she remembered Remus complaining about how half their omelets ended up on Sirius's or his head. She'd assumed that they were fighting in the mornings, not conditioning each other's hair with egg. 'You should know by now that he gets a little aggressive over little matters. And I told you before that he used to get teased a lot in school for being thin and small.'

Sirius looked miffed, as he took another bite out his sandwich. 'He didn't have to be a prat about it. It's just sex, you know. My arse, your arse; whatever works. But he always has a problem with everything I do. The other day, he had a fit when I tried to make breakfast for him. Okay, so I broke a couple of plates and burned a few things, and maybe even cut a couple of my fingers, but it's the thought that counts, you know.'

Lily figured Remus was probably more angry about the cut fingers than the broken plates, but had a feeling Sirius wouldn't understand how yelling and worrying were connected. Like right now, she wanted to yell at James and Remus for being utterly incompetent gits, but was barely controlling herself because they had supposedly wanted their "man" time. Being thoroughly outnumbered, she'd conceded. She'd even agreed to let them get the fire started, despite what happened the last time James tried to turn on the stove. But this was really stretching her patience; the tent was meant to be triangular, not hexagonal.

'But really, this does taste like something Remus made. He tends to bake the bread himself so that it comes out extra fluffy, and see that little layer of…'

It was all Remus's fault. If he would just let them pitch the tent with magic, it would make life easier for the rest of them and it would also avoid using her son to hold up four sides of their hexagon while they tried to figure out how many there were actually supposed to be. She supposed she could send Sirius to help, but she had a feeling that adding him to the equation would only result in an octagon, and Remus and Sirius arguing about whether the tent was blue or aquamarine.

'…and he's a total berk about eating vegetables, so he cuts them really fine for me, so that I don't notice the taste as much. And then-'

'Yes, Sirius,' Lily answered, finally exasperated. 'Yes, I made Remus make the sandwiches because I am not particularly brilliant at cooking and he is. James wanted to play host, so I lied. Given how brilliantly he's failing at playing host, I think my sandwich offense is not too awful.' Honestly, she didn't understand why those two didn't get a long, when they fussed over each other this much. Sirius could identify Remus from the way he cut bell peppers, for Merlin's sake! She didn't know if that was meant to be romantic, but it had to mean something!

Sirius grinned. 'I knew it. By the way, I don't think you'll be able to fool James either. I didn't want to say this before, but I'm hoping you won't take it too badly: you're utter shite at cooking.'

'Watch it, Padfoot. Lily's right hook is a lot worse than mine.'

Lily sighed as she had yet another passenger on her lap: Remus Lupin. 'Aren't you supposed to be helping, Remus?' Lily asked; pointlessly since she already knew the answer. She was just trying to make sure things didn't get awkward, since Sirius seemed to be staring at Remus a little too intently. Sirius always stared; Lily assumed he either really liked Remus in a yellow shirt or he really liked Remus in a  _wet-from-sweat_  yellow shirt. Life had its mysteries.

'I was gravely injured,' Remus held up his index finger as explanation. The cut was barely visible. 'I thought I could listen to what Sirius has been complaining about all this while, since James has the tent covered.'

Lily looked; James had somehow gotten his foot tangled in the tent.

'I wouldn't be complaining if you just gave up your bleeding arse to me,' Sirius sneered, shifting his head on Lily's lap, so that he lay face to face with Remus.

 _Uh-oh,_  Lily thought,  _here we go again_. 'Now, Sirius, I'm sure the two of you can just talk it out. No need for unpleasantries.'

'There wouldn't be anything to talk about if Remus wasn't this stubborn,' Sirius huffed, glaring at Remus accusingly. 'I don't understand what the entire problem is! It's not even that big a deal!'

Remus turned a bright red. 'If it isn't that big a deal, then why don't  _you_  volunteer instead trying to pull me in!'

'I can't believe you're asking me why after all this time. I don't know if you're just pretending or you're actually this daft!' Sirius replied angrily, pushing painfully into Lily's lap. 'Have you looked at your arse recently? Bleeding Merlin, I get hard thinking about it!'

 _Oh Dear God._ Lily shifted uncomfortably. This was really not the conversation she wanted to be having, or lending her lap to, for that matter.

'What? Have you looked at yours?' It's like two little bottle caps! Who wouldn't want to twist that?'

Lily wasn't even sure what that meant.

Sirius seemed to have taken it as a compliment and blushed brightly. 'That's not the point,' he snapped angrily. 'You're really beautiful, you know. Your eyes and your lips, and then you've got this brilliant body that I want to-'

'Oh please, don't even get me started on brilliant bodies,' Remus interrupted. 'I've been wanting to….'

Lily couldn't believe they were actually arguing like this? How was it possible to turn a compliment into a full on quarrel and  _how_  were they discussing this with a straight face in broad daylight (albeit there weren't a lot of people around). Lily couldn't even remember how she got roped into this. She just wanted Harry to have his first camping experience and for them to have two very lovely, triangular tents.

'You're completely oblivious to my feelings!' Sirius continued, completely ignorant to Lily's despair. 'I mean, I have to live with you every single day, look at that arse, and think, "hm, wouldn't that be a great fuck", and then go back to my hard bed with an even harder dick. It's physically taxing for a man my age!'

Lily didn't think it had anything to do with Sirius's  _feelings_. Well, not the emotion kind of feelings anyway, and most certainly not feelings of the heart. 'Now, lads, I'm sure if you could just stop arguing-'

'And what about you: smelling lovely all the time! Are you trying to be a blooming flower?' Obviously, Remus was listening to Lily as much as Sirius was, which was: not at all. 'You get out the shower with bleeding soap still in your ears and let everything hang like you're in some kind of cock parade! And I have to sit and watch, and you have a lovely cock, might I add!'

'Then let it in!'

'Mummy!' Lily sighed heavily as she watched her son running towards them. She knew why he was coming this way, of course. 'Mummy, Daddy's stuck inside and can't get out!' But she just didn't think it was a good time for Harry to intrude into this conversation. 'Mummy, help!' Then again, she could always stuff a little dirt and grass into Remus and Sirius's mouth and pretend it was an accident.

Lily put on her sweetest smile, hoping to Merlin, Remus and Sirius didn't mention something x-rated. Did they even know Harry was here? 'Harry, honey, why don't you go back to Daddy and Mummy will come right along.'

'But Mummy…' Harry whined, stomping his feet a little. 'Daddy might be hurt…'

'Listen, Moony, you stupid wanker; when I say, "I love you" fifty times over for every day of the month, clearly, I'm trying to pass on a message here! And the message is that you bloody belong to me! Just get it already that you're  _mine!_ So-OUCH! _'_

'Harry!' Lily scolded, shocked as her son kicked Sirius in the shins a second time. 'Harry, apologise right now!'

'NO!' Harry screamed, running over to Remus and forcefully pulling him away. 'Sirius is a potty head!'

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, pushing away Sirius's head as her mummy mode took over her. 'Harry, apologise right now or you're going to be grounded!'

'No!' Harry screamed again, hugging Remus's knees so fiercely that even Remus looked taken back. 'Moony is  _mine!'_

* * *

 

Jane couldn't stop laughing. 'Your son is adorable!' She cried in between chuckles. 'Honestly…'

Lily blushed. 'He usually very well behaved and he's quite fond of Sirius, but what's his is his. That's the "Harry Law". But you know, even though I didn't feel it before, I'm really glad I arranged that little weekend trip for the four of us. It opened a lot of new doors, and I think it brought Remus and Sirius's relationship to a whole new level.'

'Did they finally…' Jane blushed. 'You know…'

Lily giggled. 'Not quite, but I think Remus finally started believing in Sirius. It wasn't that he was completely distrusting, but I mentioned before that Remus has a tendency to keep things to himself. He seeks solace in James, sometimes me, but Remus, unless under dire circumstances, will never tell us what's troubling him or what he's thinking. He prefers to vent off his thoughts by himself, which is why he fought those underground matches. But that night, I'm not sure why, but Remus really opened up to Sirius. And Sirius; well, I think that night, he made a very important decision…'

* * *

 

'Ah, sorry,' Sirius put his wand down when he heard Remus turning over in his sleeping bag. 'I was hoping you wouldn't notice.' He shivered and resisted the urge to cast the warming charm immediately. He'd have to wait again until Remus was asleep.

'It's alright,' Remus replied turning away, so that his back was to Sirius. 'I know it's cold. I'll just close my eyes and it'll be fine.' His voice cracked towards the end, though Sirius thought he'd muffled it up pretty well with his pillow.

Sirius sighed, putting his wand back in his bag. It was going to be a very cold night, and he was going to have Lily's head for it tomorrow. 'You think Harry's forgiven me?' Sirius asked, trying to break the mood and put Remus at ease.

Remus laughed weakly. 'I'm sure the Comet 260 was a good enough barter for  _his_ Moony…'

Sirius smiled, even though Remus couldn't see him. 'Well, he told me we would "share", but nothing about giving you off completely. Smart lad, that one. Knows how to play his game. I'm almost jealous, really…'

Remus said nothing, but a part of Sirius knew he was smiling under all that ugly purple plastic (supposedly a muggle sleeping bag).

'The Potters still have their lights on,' Sirius commented, looking through his little plastic window. He didn't see why Lily had made such a big fuss about these cheap muggle tents. They were quite awful, really, and not even particularly roomy. Sirius was getting a little tired of all the plastic, in fact. Even polyester would have been a refreshing change. 'I didn't think those battery-light-things lasted very long.'

'They don't,' Remus replied, turning over to look at Sirius, 'Harry's scared of the dark, so his magic always compensates for it.'

'Ah…' Sirius shifted uncomfortably, eyes following the little firefly that had sneaked into their tent. It fluttered around errantly, pausing on the window, the tent roof, and finally Remus's hair.

'When Harry was younger, I would wish he'd turn out a squib. I still do sometimes. I must sound like such a horrid person…'

'A little…' Sirius replied truthfully. The little firefly opened and closed its wings slowly, illuminating Remus's face just a touch. Shadows danced around his eyes and mouth, making his amber eyes glow in the most entrancing rhythm. Sirius hoped Remus wouldn't make any sudden movements.

'I know all this sounds unreasonable to you. It sounds unreasonable to me, but I can't stop,' Remus continued softly, closing his eyes. 'I can't convince myself otherwise. I think of magic, and I think of everything that's gone wrong: my curse, the war, Fabian's death. I've reached a point where I feel if I could just  _stop_  the magic, then everything will be alright. That we'll be alright, and I won't have to lose anyone again.' Remus shook his head and the firefly flew out, circling over the tent once before disappearing. 'Sorry, the drinks must be getting to my head. I don't know what I'm saying…'

If there was any a good time to be wheedling out information, it was now. Remus was drunk or maybe he was just too trusting of Sirius. Maybe he was in love with Sirius. Even though a part of Sirius hoped sincerely that he wasn't; just so that things would be a lot easier. Remus was beautiful; too beautiful to be stuck here at this point where Sirius was trying to use him and his kindness.

'I'm afraid of people. Getting too close to them, I mean,' Sirius admitted, sitting up. He crawled towards Remus's sleeping bag almost unconsciously, pushing his way in gently but forcefully. It was cramped with the two of them and Sirius had to maneuver on his side, but at least it was finally warm. 'I try to be nothing but a bystander in people's lives; someone who just passes and goes with very little trace. It's irrational, I know, but everyone around me; everyone I knew, is now dead. So I can't help but feel myself cursed.' Sirius's hands were shaking violently, so he clenched them tightly and concentrated on looking at the spot past Remus's shoulder. He didn't want to see Remus's eyes filled with sympathy. 'We're all trying to hide our darker halves and bury our secrets, but I…I'd like to know yours…as you do mine…'

For a second, Sirius was sure Remus wasn't going to tell him anything. That he would tell Sirius to go back to his little purple plastic bag and go to sleep. Sirius had even readied himself to leave, but then Remus's fingers brushed against his and he spoke, 'I didn't understand Fabian's death. I understood it but I didn't. I…It was so sudden and I just went to a frenzy.' Their fingers twined together and Remus's calloused palms felt warm and stable against Sirius's shaking ones. 'I'd go to the Ministry every single day to try and get things answered, to understand what went wrong and how…who…why…something like this would happen. I wanted help. But I got nothing except a mouth full of gravel and insults.' Remus's face twisted with spite. 'And every time that would happen, it was a muggle who'd pick me off the streets. A muggle who would ask me if I was hurt and if they could help. I had only started working at the restaurant back then, as nothing but a garbage boy. But even so, the muggles there were kinder to me than the people I'd known for the last twenty or so years. Even Dumbledore couldn't…' Remus shook his head and smiled weakly. 'It doesn't matter now, anyway. It's all over…'

Sirius didn't know what to say. I'm sorry? Could you tell me more? If I had been there, I'd have taken care of you? Even if he said something, would he mean it? Sirius was ashamed to admit that even now, a part of him was impatient and annoyed that Remus hadn't revealed more about Fabian. That Sirius still knew nothing about the Horcrux and where to find it. He hated himself for it, but at the same time, he knew it was important.

'Don't make that face, silly…' Remus whispered, fingers brushing Sirius's hair away from his face and gently moving to run a thumb across Sirius's cheek. 'You look more miserable than I do.'

Sirius didn't know what kind of face he was making, but he thought Remus was better off not seeing it. He leaned closer, too close to really see anything except a blur of skin and eyes. Too close to know what Sirius was feeling or if Remus's eyes were normally such a bright amber. Just close enough to brush their lips together softly; waiting and hesitating, until Remus pushed back a little harder. A little harder, a little harder, harder, and harder; and then Sirius could feel Remus's tongue brushing against his, hitting the roof of his mouth and exploring tentatively.

They parted slowly, Remus laying soft butterfly kisses on Sirius's lips before burying his face into Sirius's neck. Sirius's breath hitched when Remus's hands wrapped loosely around his waist.

 _It's not fair,_ Sirius thought,  _it's not fair. It's not fair for you to feel so fragile and vulnerable when I'm about to hurt you. It's not fair._

'You'd better not try anything,' Remus whispered, making Sirius laugh.

'Not until this eye heals,' Sirius promised, holding Remus tight and kissing his hair. 'I definitely don't want another kick to the shins.'

_I can't do this anymore._

* * *

 

'Sirius was never the right person for the assignment,' Lily explained, 'because in the end, he was human. He'd had his doubts with this entire operation from the beginning. His job, after all, was to retrieve Horcruxes, and not to deceive people.'

'I don't think anyone would be able to after listening to Remus's side of the story…'

Lily smiled kindly. 'I did mention that Remus had his reasons for not using magic. To be honest, he'd never actually told us all of this, but we've been with Remus for a long time. Sometimes, you just understand these things…'

'So, did Sirius just abandon the assignment? Just like that?' Jane asked, shifting closer.

'Well,' Lily replied thoughtfully, 'it wasn't easy…'

* * *

 

' _Thank you, dear.'_

_Sirius smiled as the old lady offered him a cookie. He didn't have the heart to tell her he was too old to accept it or that his family didn't approve of sweets much. 'I hope you have a good day,' he said, waving politely, 'do let me know if you need any more help.'_

_Unsurprisingly, Regulus was waiting for him._

_Sirius's smile fell. 'Don't tell Mother,' he said gruffly, shoving his bag of galleons into Regulus's hands. 'Or someone is going to wake up to fifty new tentacles on their face. Don't think I won't do it.' Sirius pushed past his brother, clenching his teeth from the irritation that seemed to creep up his spine every time he saw Regulus's face. They looked alike, everyone said so, but Sirius wished more than anything that they_ were _alike. That Regulus wasn't such a bloody git._

' _You should move out,' Regulus called after Sirius, 'You don't even belong here.'_

_Sirius stopped, his whole body tensing from anger. He knew he didn't belong. He knew that, but he still tried. At times, Sirius tried with all his might not to rebel or become too different from the rest of the family. 'You'd like it if I did, wouldn't you, Regulus?' Sirius spat. 'Then, you can have all of Mummy's attention to yourself, maybe even get your hands on that river of dirty money floating underneath our house.'_

' _That's not what I…' Regulus stopped. 'Yes, you're right. You're not fit to be the heir, Sirius. You're too kind. This stupid need to help people and your complete inability to detach yourself, even from muggles; where do you think it's going to lead you?'_

'Here,' Sirius whispered, running a shaky hand through his hair. 'In the end, it lead me here and you're dead. So which of us was right?'

The office door creaked open and Sirius quickly pulled himself together, occupying his hands with a stray file to make as if he'd been working the entire time. It was Beaumont and Snape; Sirius knew what they were here for of course. They only ever came to his office when it was about work, and Sirius was always known for being able to complete that work to perfection.

'Black, I hope you have good news for me,' Beaumont smiled confidently as he sat down. 'Your deadline's up, after all.'

'Lupin doesn't have it,' Sirius replied, calmly looking into Beaumont's eyes. His heart was beating holes through his chest but he knew better than to let it show. He tried to look nonchalant, as Beaumont's jaw dropped in surprise. Snape was strangely silent; not that Sirius expected him to show much reaction. Disgusting as he may be, Sirius respected Snape's ability to conceal himself completely.

'Are you making fun of me, Black?' Beaumont asked, enraged. 'Do you honestly expect me to believe he has nothing after you strut around for an entire month claiming you'd found the last link?'

Sirius put on his best business smile. 'Obviously, I was mistaken. I apologise for the unnecessary strutting.'

Beaumont laughed maniacally. 'Let me guess; you're trying to protect him now, is it? What is it? Did he find out and beg you not to tell? Were you weak against his tears? Or do you now have feelings for the little faggot?'

Sirius tried not to flinch. 'Sir, I'm more likely to develop feelings for Snape than Lupin.' Snape looked about to vomit, so Sirius shot him a little wink. Sirius had made it a hobby to irritate Snape from the very beginning, but he'd never thought in all his poncy life that he'd ever have to lie about liking Snape. 'Now what we can do is-'

'Do you have any idea what this Horcrux means, Black?' Beaumont yelled, banging his fist against the table angrily. 'This research is going to be phenomenal. Every question that we'd left unanswered to; this Horcrux is the key. Reincarnation, afterlife, even immortality; it's all within our grasp and you're sitting here, telling me that Lupin doesn't have it. Don't fuck around with me! Have you forgotten your brother's sacri-'

'What we can do,  _sir_ , is re-evaluate Fabian from the very beginning and follow up from there,' Sirius cut in, just barely keeping his anger in check. Beaumont was full of cheap shots, his most frequent one being Regulus. Sirius should have been used to it by now, but it angered him nonetheless to have his brother's name recurred again and again for DoM's own selfish goals. Forgotten Regulus's sacrifice? Even now, he was reliving it, wondering if his decision about Remus was the right one. 'It's possible that we might have overlooked someone, or even a part of his plan. Fabian kept a lot of secrets and we're still yet to unlock all of them.'

'Don't fuck with me, Black,' Beaumont warned, eyes bulging dangerously. 'Don't fuck with your brother's life and our research like this, I mean it. It's not going to be pretty.'

After what Sirius was sure was permanent muteness on Snape's part, Snape spoke up, a hand rested firmly on Beaumont's shoulder. 'Black has always been incompetent, in my opinion, sir. I'm hoping I'll be given the opportunity to conduct this search on my own this time.'

'I haven't lost my touch yet, Snape,' Sirius replied for appearance sake. Inwardly, he was glad for Snape's competitive streak because it shifted focus off of him. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I just need to slip into Beast Control for a few minutes. I'm shifting back to Grimmauld Place and the house is infested with doxies. They can be quite troublesome, you see.'

'Black!' Beaumont yelled back, stomping his feet. 'You'd better not be lying!'

Sirius stopped midway, keeping his back firmly turned to Beaumont and Snape. 'Don't forget, sir; it was me that lead you to each and every Horcrux. Without me, you and this shitty research wouldn't even be here.'

* * *

 

'That must have been difficult for Sirius,' Jane sympathised.

Lily nodded. 'For over two years, Sirius had been living on one goal alone: to avenge his brother's death by destroying all the Horcruxes. His very reason for living, his sole motivation was Regulus. It took a lot of strength, I imagine, for him to go to such lengths for Remus.' Lily smiled sadly. 'But you also understand that it meant that Sirius was putting his life on the line for Remus. By giving up on the Horcrux, he was trusting Remus to keep it safe and never use it for anything. It's not something everyone else could do. Definitely not-oh-' Lily got distracted by a mail owl tapping insistently on the window. 'Excuse me a moment.'

Jane nodded and watched patiently as Lily skimmed through the letter and then let out a loud curse.

'Fuck! I completely forgot! I was supposed to be at this gathering and I just got so carried away by our conversation…'

'That's alright,' Jane assured, a little disappointed. 'We'll meet again soon, so you can continue then. I can wait.'

Lily bit her lip. 'Well, I could continue if you agree to attend the party with me. It's nothing too flashy, just a small get together. But I could introduce you to Remus and Sirius…'

Jane's eyes lit up. 'I'm not dressed very well, and I wouldn't want to intrude…'

'Not at all,' Lily waved it off. 'Let me just tell them to start without me and then we'll take my car there. There will be muggles there, so we're not allowed to apparate. It's such a pain, honestly.' Lily quickly scribbled down a note, apologising and informing that she would be late, before tying it to the owl's leg. 'We can touch up our make up in the car and I'll continue my story. Pity really, I was building up such a good mood, too…'

* * *

 

'Sirius, why are you ignoring me?'

Sirius grit his teeth and walked faster. He knew he shouldn't have gotten out of the office, but the Firewhisky had called to him and there was only one kitchen where Sirius hid the Firewhisky. Damn him, and his drunkard tendencies. 'Why are you stalking me, Potter?'

'Is that supposed to be a joke?' James yelled and Sirius could hear his footsteps quickening to keep up pace. 'You just left without a word; of course I'm stalking you!' At least James admitted to it. 'What the hell do you think you're doing? Padfoot, will you stop! What's wrong with you? Did the two of you have a fight? Remus say he doesn't know why, but if he-'

'We didn't have a fight,' Sirius sighed heavily, knowing it was useless to run. He turned to look at James and shrugged. He should have expected this. He couldn't avoid the confrontation forever, but Sirius had been hoping for a little more time. Just until he stopped thinking about Remus every waking second of his life. 'I just wanted to leave, so I left. Does there have to be an answer to everything?'

'Yes,' James replied bluntly, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders as if afraid Sirius was going to start running again. 'I've been trying to get to you for a week now, but you keep avoiding me and it's impossible for outsiders to get into the Department of Mysteries. Just tell me what's going on!'

'Look,' Sirius closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead tiredly, 'the whole apartment thing was temporary anyway. I did mention I was going to leave when I found a good place.' He didn't want to do this anymore. Sirius just wanted a drink and to get back to his work. He was worn out from trying to convince himself that this was the right thing to do, and even more exhausted from telling himself that he didn't miss Remus that much. But looking at James now, Sirius wanted to ask; he wanted to know how Remus was. If Remus was just as miserable. Did he miss Sirius at all?

'I didn't think leaving an apartment meant leaving us behind as well,' James argued, eyebrows furrowing together. 'Look, maybe you have your reasons for moving out. I'll try not to pry because I'm going to find out anyway.' James did have a tendency to know things before everyone else; he was smart like that. 'But what you're doing isn't fair to Remus. He's worried and confused, so you at least owe him an explanation.'

Sirius's hands clenched and unclenched. 'Do you want me to turn him down?'

James was silent for a moment, but Sirius knew the expression he was making perfectly now. The tight jaw, the balling of his fists, the way his feet shifted stance: James was fighting his protective streak. The same possessiveness that came up every time James felt a part of his family was being threatened. Sirius also knew that if James could, he would have hit Sirius right now. 'He's outside,' James replied finally, looking away. 'He stops by everyday hoping you'll talk to him, so tell him what you need to personally.'

Sirius wanted to see him. Sirius really wanted to see him, but if he did… 'I can't. I have work and-'

'Don't be a coward, Black!' James spat maliciously. 'Fuck, I should have never let you…Just go, will you? Just bloody talk to him a little.' James didn't even meet Sirius's eyes, just turned away. He was probably disgusted with Sirius. 'Sirius,' James stopped when he reached the elevator, 'please go easy on him.'

Sirius waited out the next fifteen minutes before using the elevator to go outside. Out of habit, he stuffed his wand into his robes as soon as he saw Remus, standing near the phone booth where everyone could see him. Completely clueless. He was a fucking idiot. A complete git for being so defenseless; for smiling so brightly just at the sight of Sirius.

Sirius grit his teeth and grabbed Remus by the elbow, dragging him forcefully into a corner.

'Ouch, Padfoot! What the hell?'

'Don't come after me like this again!' Sirius yelled angrily, looking back to make sure no was watching. Perhaps he was being paranoid, but he had a reason to. Beaumont had his distrustful eye on Sirius, and for good reason. Sirius should have never agreed to come talk to Remus in the first place.

'Why not?' Remus argued, pulling free of Sirius's grasp. 'You just left without saying a word and I-'

'It doesn't matter why I left, damn it!' Sirius pushed Remus farther into the dark. 'All you need to do is just stay away from me! Don't just go doing as you please and don't send James to fetch me for you either!' Sirius tried not to flinch at Remus's hurt expression. 'I left because I don't want anything to do with you anymore. So stop badgering me.'

'Why?' Remus asked, his voice shaky. He was hurt. Every part of him screamed betrayal and confusion. Sirius hated that face and he hated himself even more for putting that face on Remus. 'I know…I know that sometimes I can be a little spoilt, and I know I somehow end up punching you a lot, but that's your own fault! And maybe I also make you do a lot of chores but that's only obvious if you live in the same house, and I know I've been really stubborn about the whole top thing but I'll stop and I'll let you-'

'Remus, shut up!'

'I love you!' Remus yelled, pushing Sirius weakly on the chest. 'You stupid git, I love you!'

Sirius felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him.  _Don't say that now._  'Look, Remus, I'm not the person you think I am, alright?'  _You can't say that now._  'I never actually needed that apartment.'  _It's not fair to me. '_ I've been researching on Fabian for the past two years and you had all the answers I needed. I  _used_  you. You, James, everyone! So just…stay away from me, right?'  _You're not being fair at all. '_ I'm done…I'm done…using you. So just go home. Forget about me.'

'You're lying. Sirius,' Remus stated bluntly, his face hardening. 'I can always tell when you're lying. You try too hard to look a person in the eye and your hands shake.' Remus reached for Sirius's hands, enclosing them within his. The shaking increased. 'Do you know, the same thing used to happen in the beginning? Every time you would tell me you loved me. But it stopped…' Remus looked Sirius in the eyes, amber orbs glittering knowingly, as if it had already trenched through and memorised Sirius's very soul. 'You can't explain away what happened between us, Padfoot. I won't believe you. I won't lose you. I lost Fabian, but that was out of my hands. There was nothing I could do to stop his murder, but with you, I-'

'Remus, stop it,' Sirius whispered, squeezing Remus's hands tightly. 'Stop it. Try and understand what I'm trying to tell you. I need you to stay away because  _I know everything_.' Sirius breathed deeply, gathering all his courage as he let out what he'd been wanting to say since the very beginning: 'I know about the Horcrux you're trying to hide. I know about Fabian's research. And I know that Fabian wasn't murdered. I knew it was suicide from the start.'

Sirius had expected one of Remus's fits, a slap, maybe even a punch. But Remus just stared, unblinking, unresponsive. It was as if he-

'Fuck,' Sirius swore, as he realised. 'Fuck, you really didn't know. You never knew…'

'Wha-' Remus stuttered, 'What are you talking about? Fabian wasn't…he wasn't…'

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ Remus hadn't been pretending or covering up for Fabian at all. And now he looked like he was about to break from the sudden information, as if he couldn't comprehend it at all.

'I…I saw the body…he was charred black by Dark magic. I saw it…'

'Of course it was. He used the ring while it was still a Horcrux.' Sirius stopped rambling. He couldn't leave Remus like this in this confused state. He couldn't believe something like this had been hidden from Remus. Was this yet another thing Beaumont had cleverly concealed within the Ministry banner? 'Listen, Remus,' Sirius said slowly, carefully, 'Fabian was working with us two years ago on Horcruxes. I don't know how to explain this to you, but each Horcrux had a part of Voldemort's soul in it and each had a unique magic that we could tap into, once destroyed.' Sirius's hands travelled to Remus's shoulders, rubbing gently and reassuringly. 'The ring was the last one that we were working on, and it was rumoured to have had a very unique ability. It could bring back the dead…'

Remus's eyes widened. 'Gideon…'

Sirius nodded. 'We didn't know until the last minute. Neither of us predicted Fabian would try and use the ring to bring back his brother. He eliminated the last of his research, so I can't tell for sure, but whatever he found, he must have figured that the ring was best used while still a Horcrux. He never had a chance. The minute he touched that ring with his bare hands, he was cursed...'

Remus shook his head. 'He never….'

'He was probably trying to protect you,' Sirius replied, moving closer to tuck Remus's hair behind his ears. 'That curse you saw, Remus; it starts from the hand that used the ring and gradually spreads and deteriorates the body over time. Fabian didn't have a choice. He was going to die eventually.' Sirius heart throbbed as Remus's face twisted with remorse. He didn't want to have to say this; he didn't want to be explaining any of this. He didn't even understand how things had come to this. 'The amount of pain Fabian was in, we were all surprised he hadn't done it sooner. When we found him, the curse was starting to spread to his face…'

'No…' Remus muttered, shaking his head. 'No…he would have told me. Something this important, he would have…I should have…'

Sirius didn't know what to say to make things at least a little bearable. He'd already made a total mess of things. 'Remus, I'm sorry.'

Remus nodded, moving away from Sirius, slipping away from underneath Sirius's hands. 'I need…I'm just going to go right now…'

Sirius didn't stop him. He should have. He wanted to. But he didn't, because Sirius had defied against his common sense once with Remus. He wasn't about to make the same mistake again. It was better to let him go anyway; Remus had James to take care of him, Lily and Harry, too. They loved him a lot, so Sirius had nothing to worry about. Remus would be fine. Everything would be fine…

* * *

 

 


	7. The End of Our Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is constantly trying to set Remus up with random and strange men. This time it's Sirius Black, and while Remus is reluctant to accept it, he might just be the one. Only, Sirius's intentions aren't all that pure.

_James yawned widely, bouncing on the balls of his feet in what he hoped was a soothing enough rhythm to put his son to sleep. When he'd signed up for fatherhood, he hadn't really counted on the late nights and sleep fights. He had thought his son would be a normal human being and smile in the mornings and sleep well into the night. He did not anticipate Harry to scream his lungs out at three in the morning or vomit all over James's nightshirt._

' _That's it, love,' James whispered, rocking slowly, 'Go to sleep and then, poor ol' Dad will sleep too.' James was just about to go back upstairs, when the doorbell rang loudly. 'Shite,' he whispered when Harry squirmed uncomfortably. He quickly started rocking harder, while trying to walk to the front door at the same time. 'Don't wake up, son. Lalala…sleep while Daddy sings…lalala.' James grabbed his wand from the side table before opening the door. 'Fabian?'_

_Fabian smiled weakly, looking paler than the last time James had seen him. It was only spring but he was dressed heavily in a zip up jacket and a muffler twisted around his neck. 'Sorry,' Fabian whispered hoarsely, 'I just came to say goodbye.'_

_James frowned. 'Are you going somewhere? Is it for work again?_ ' _He moved aside to let Fabian in. 'Sit down. You look cold; I'll make you some tea. Wha-' James froze as he watched Fabian pull off his muffler._

' _Vile, isn't it?' Fabian said bitterly, taking off his jacket as well. He wasn't wearing anything underneath and James could see the curse on his skin, starting from his hand and spreading out in rough, jagged edges to his jaw line. Fabian's entire right half was scorched black. His whole body was covered in beads of sweat and James noticed that Fabian was breathing much too hard to be considered normal._

' _What happened?' James asked softly, extending one hand to touch Fabian's skin. He'd expected it to be rough, like burnt toast perhaps, but the skin underneath his fingertips felt smooth. It felt like skin, but it was a deep black. As it someone had just inked it. 'What is this?'_

' _Atonement for my sins,' Fabian whispered, looking down. 'I'm in a lot of pain, James…'_

_James took his hand away, but he couldn't stop staring at the stark contrast of obsidian against pale skin._

' _There's something I want you to give to Remus,' Fabian continued, fishing out an envelope from his back pocket. 'I wanted to give it to him myself, but I…I couldn't. In the last minute, I…I didn't want him to see me like this. This ugly side of me…'_

_James was hesitant to take the envelope, so he set Harry down on the couch a good distance away from them before taking it. It felt heavy and even though James didn't open it, he could feel the shape perfectly through the thin paper. It was a ring._

' _Don't worry,' Fabian assured softly, 'I've destroyed it. It won't cause any harm. But if Remus ever wonders about me or if he ever asks…this ring will give him the answers I was too much of a coward to give.'_

_James's fingers closed around the envelope, the outline of the ring digging into his palm. 'Where are you going?' he asked, feeling his chest tighten and alarm bells ringing in his head, telling him it was a question he didn't want answered. 'What did you do?'_

_Fabian laughed humourlessly. 'Can I have that tea? We need to talk.'_

* * *

 

'At this point, I'll admit something to you,' Lily continued to a shocked Jane, 'we knew.'

'Knew?'

'About Fabian and everything else that had happened,' Lily explained, her face growing steadily sombre. 'We didn't know Fabian was going to die. Neither of us even expected it. How do I say this?' Lily frowned. 'We look at everything from a very detached point of view. A lot of things happen to a lot of people; it's not unheard of. But we always think that we're the exception. That it won't happen to us. I think that's what happened when Fabian came to James.'

'What did you think then? About Fabian's curse…'

Lily shrugged, steering the car to the right. 'Honestly, I don't know what we thought. We thought he was just going to leave Remus for a while. I think we thought he would find a cure and come back. I really don't know…'

Jane nodded sympathetically. 'But why didn't Remus know? Fabian had clearly wanted Remus to figure out the truth. So what happened? How did it come to this?'

Lily sighed, slowing down a bit as a strange emotion overcame her. 'If I had to blame someone, perhaps it would be James and I. I think, to James, the illusion of Remus always needing him to be there was comforting in some ways. James didn't have any siblings and his parents were always too busy to pay as much attention. Me; I don't have any excuses except that I cared for Remus as much as I would, had I a brother. In the end, both of us overlooked Remus's feelings and underestimated him.'

Jane frowned. 'I don't understand…'

Lily smiled sadly. 'You see, Jane, the truth always comes out. And in the end, no matter what your intentions, betrayal is still betrayal.'

* * *

 

Remus stumbled, nearly tripping on the stairs. He swayed dizzily from all the sudden movement and rested his face against the cool wall. The button in front of him danced in white and gold, multiplying and then finally merging into one. Remus blinked, focused, then pressed the button; groaning in pain when the doorbell rang loudly.

'Remus?'

Remus opened his eyes and smiled lopsidedly. 'Mornin', Lily.' He looked up at the sky and corrected himself. 'Nope. Evenin', Lily.'

Remus would have also commented on how pretty Lily looked today if she would stop moving around so much and stand still enough for him to look at her. 'Remus, are you drunk?' All five of her.

'No,' Remus replied, grinning confidently. Immediately, a bout of nausea hit him and Remus moved away to vomit all over Lily's lovely bushes. 'I lied,' Remus admitted, wiping his mouth and swaying slightly. 'I'm drunk.'

Lily rubbed her head tiredly. 'James mentioned you had a talk with Sirius. Fuck…' Lily looked back and Remus saw that she was exchanging looks with James who was playing with Harry inside. They did that a lot; look at each other and know perfectly what the other was thinking. It was as if they had some kind of telepathic powers. It annoyed Remus sometimes; just like now. 'James, can you take Harry inside and then bring some water over. It's Remus…'

For a moment, James looked directly into Remus's eyes from afar, as if reading into his mind. Then Remus's eyes crossed on their own and everything went a bit blurry. By the time Remus managed to shake his head and get things into focus, James and Harry had already gone into the kitchen.

'Merlin, Remus, it's only six-thirty. I can't believe you,' Lily chided softly, wrapping an arm around Remus's shoulders and leading him in. Remus didn't need her help to walk or sit on the sofa. He could do it just fine, even though his head still felt a little muzzy. He could do it, but Lily's arms were warm, so he rested his head on her shoulder instead.

'I'm sorry,' Lily whispered, stroking his hair lightly. 'This is my fault, isn't it? I pushed you into all this and now, all over again…' She hugged Remus tightly. 'Sirius is a bastard…'

Remus shook his head, stopping when his head pounded painfully. 'He's right. He's the one person who told me the truth.' Remus bit his lip as memories of the conversation he'd had with Sirius this morning surged into his mind. He was sure he'd forgotten them. For a moment, he was sure he had lost the harsh reality of the truth in the bottom of that cheap brown glass. 'I'm a horrible person,' he whispered, fighting back the prickle in his eyes. 'I'm horrible. I never noticed a thing, even though we were living together. I saw, but I always told myself it's nothing serious. He'd tell me if it was.'

Lily shook her head, her arms tightening around Remus. 'Remus, it's not your fault.'

'No,' Remus disagreed, feeling dizzy all over again but for entirely different reasons. 'No. No. No. It is, because everything makes sense now. The dimmed lights, the full sleeves and scarves; how could I not have noticed? I could have saved him…'

Lily pulled away frowning. 'Remus, what are you talki-'

'Fabian's death; Lily, it was never a murder. He committed suicide.'

The silence in the room was pierced by breaking glass. Lily's body, stiff from shock, whirled around to see James shaking with the tray still in hand. They exchanged glances again, then James looked away. 'He told you,' James whispered quietly, his grip tightening on the tray.

'I told you talk to him,' Lily replied, averting her eyes as well and concentrating on the crayon drawing on the floor. 'I told you, James, but you never listen.'

'I didn't think he would bring it up.'

Remus stared, first at James, then Lily, and then James again. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. He was nearly sure that it was because he was inebriated, but the entire conversation seemed a bit dodgy. James and Lily didn't seem as shocked by the news as Remus had been, but they were trembling the same way Remus had been before he'd downed his first shot. It was almost as if: 'You knew?' Remus got his answer when neither James nor Lily met his eyes. 'You knew…' Remus whispered quietly to himself, still not believing; still sure he was hallucinating. James wouldn't do this to him. James would never… 'You were lying to me the whole time. All these years I…' Remus suddenly couldn't breathe.

'Remus, calm down…' Lily said, a firm hand squeezing Remus's shoulder.

The hand didn't help. The hand didn't give him any answers or explanations. The hand only worsened his breathing and suddenly, Remus wasn't sure whether it was him gasping for breath or crying. 'Why did you lie to me?' he screamed, clutching at his eyes and hating the way he couldn't make the tears stop. 'Do you have any idea how much I suffered? Do you have any idea how badly I searched for the truth and begged and begged and begged?'

'Moony!'

'You betrayed me!' Remus accused, pushing away Lily's attempts to hold him. 'I trusted you and you betrayed me!'

'Moony, listen to me!' James yelled, holding Remus down forcefully. 'Listen!' He fought against Remus's struggles, keeping both of Remus's arms pinned to the side. 'We weren't trying to betray you! We both did it because we were worried! Moony, just listen. Please,' James pleaded, resting his forehead on the side of Remus's head. 'I know we lied, but after Fabian died, we were scared. You'd just completely snapped. As if it was you who had died in Fabian's place. You were unstable…unpredictable…I just wanted to do what was best for you. We all did, even Dumbledore…'

'Don't lie,' Remus begged, too exhausted and numb to struggle anymore. He slumped, falling within himself, as his arms wrapped around his body as a shield. 'Don't lie to me anymore…'

Lily stroked Remus's cheek gently. 'We only wanted to protect you.'

'I can protect myself,' Remus argued, feeling his anger and hurt bubbling beyond the red line. 'I don't need you to encase me in a cage of lies. I believed you this entire time because I thought of you as my family. But in the end, it turned out to be Sirius who ever treated me like one and saw me as an equal. I'm not weak. I was  _never_  weak.' Remus clenched his teeth.

'Moony?' Harry peeked through the kitchen door inquisitively. 'Moony? What's wrong?'

'Sorry,' Remus wiped his face with the back of his hand, unable to even conjure a reassuring smile for Harry. 'I'm tired, so I'm just going to go home.' He got up abruptly.

'Moony, wait…'

'Mummy, who made Moony cry?'

Remus broke into a run.

'Moony! I said to wait!'

He ran, picking up his pace every time he heard James screaming his name. He was faster, he knew this. James's speed was limited to the sky and broom, but Remus could outrun him anytime he put his mind to it. So, he ran until his calves screamed in pain and his lung twisted for just a single breath. He ran until he was sure James was no longer behind him, taking a quick cut past one of the darker gullies and running into his apartment.

Running helped. Running didn't give time for his tears to flow. But it did remind him of Sirius and how much Remus wanted to see him. Sirius had been different. He had wanted to protect Remus, but had trusted Remus with the truth. Sirius, Remus knew, had wanted to avoid hurting Remus but ending up hurting himself. In some ways, Sirius was a lot like Remus, but in most ways, he wasn't.

_Sirius!_

'Just break open the fucking door. What does it matter?'

Remus stopped abruptly up the stairs; there were voices coming from in front of his apartment door.

' _Alohamora!'_

Remus's heart stopped. Magic. There were wizards here and they were barging into Remus's apartment.  _Why?_

'Is your spell that weak, Sommers! You can't even open a fucking muggle door?'

Remus's needed to go. It didn't matter if they trashed his apartment; he didn't have the ring or whatever. Remus just needed to get away from their wands, but his feet felt like lead. He realised with paralytic fear that he couldn't even look away. It was good this way, he tried to assure himself. If Remus stayed stuck to the wall like this, they wouldn't see him. They would just pass by and not take notice.

It was fine, Remus repeated, even when his eyes met directly with one of the darker haired wizards. It will be fine, Remus corrected. If he could gather himself and fight, Remus would be fine; because magic or not, Remus could fight.

He forcefully willed his feet to move.

Remus would win, because he'd never lost a fight. Remus would definitely win, because even though he hated magic, Remus's specialty before had been dueling. He'd been good at it because he could tell exactly what spell the opponent would cast at the first wand motion.

Remus clenched his fists tightly in preparation.

The man tilted his head and grinned. 'Well, this makes things a lot easier.'

* * *

 

Jane covered her mouth with her hands. 'What happened? Who was that?'

Lily tilted her head, her face twisting into a disgusted scowl. 'Who do you think?'

'No,' Jane said disbelievingly. 'No. After everything Sirius had to go through…the fates have to be cruel to let something like that happen.'

'It's true,' Lily agreed, 'but I wouldn't say the fates were cruel. Everything happens for a reason. After all, if it hadn't been for  _that_  bastard, Sirius and Remus would have never gotten back together.' Lily stopped at a signal. 'And the most curious thing was…'

* * *

 

Sirius breathed heavily and turned off the lights. He pulled the curtains with a quick swish of his wand and locked the office door behind him, before falling back on his chair. He was currently nursing a painful crick in his neck from falling asleep in his chair last night. It was ridiculously uncomfortable and restraining, since Sirius couldn't look to his left without feeling like his neck was about to snap of. Not that he needed to look to the left; everything was the frustratingly, mundanely same anyways.

He'd been working overtime ever since he'd returned back to Grimmauld. Somehow, even the tiny cubicle he worked in till midnight seemed less stifling and larger than his old mansion. When he lay down on his bed, all Sirius thought of was how empty his house was and how the silence seemed more deafening than he'd ever remembered. He thought about how cold it was and how, for Sirius, "just anyone" no longer sufficed to warm his bed at night. "Just anyone" had actually never quite been enough, but Sirius had made do. Now…

'Fuck,' Sirius whispered as his thoughts went back to Remus.

Maybe if he went to see Remus for just a little; it wouldn't hurt. He wouldn't tell anyone and he wouldn't talk to Remus. Sirius would just watch him from the sideline and make sure he was alright; maybe even stop by to see the little brat and the rest of the Potters. Sirius still had the spare keys to Remus's apartment, so he could just slip in when he knew Remus would be asleep and sit for a while.

'You sound like a perverted stalker, Black,' Sirius told himself bitterly. 'Utterly pathetic…' Sirius didn't know what was worse: the fact that he was lonely enough to talk to himself or that realising his potential stalker tendencies did not make any difference to his plans on seeing Remus. 'Just a little wouldn't hurt,' Sirius told himself in assurance. 'He won't want to talk to me anyways, after what I did. Prongs is goi-'

Sirius conversation with himself was interrupted with an audible click of his door lock being opened. Sirius raised an eyebrow as Snape, quite casually sneaked into Sirius's office and pressed the light switch.

'Surprise,' Sirius deadpanned, as the lights flickered on. 'How are you this morning, Snape?'

The look of surprise on Snape's face was priceless. Sirius almost wished he had a camera. 'Black,' he stuttered for a minute before catching himself and straightening up. 'What are you doing here?'

'Funny, really; I was about to ask you the same thing.' Sirius smirked. 'This is  _my_ office. So why are you breaking into it? Are you looking for data, evidence, or do you just want to own something that belongs to the great Sirius Black?'

Snape's face twisted in disgust. 'I'm surprised you're sitting so calmly in your office. Honestly, I'd actually believed you'd taken a liking to the werewolf.' Snape snorted and turned to go. 'I must have been mistaken. My apologies.'

Sirius got up so fast, it was startling. 'What's that supposed to mean?' he asked, heart suddenly clenching painfully.  _It can't be._ Sirius had taken all the precautions; he'd made sure no one knew about Remus's condition.  _It can't be._ 'What the hell is that supposed to bloody mean, Snape?'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'What? Beaumont never told you?' he chuckle derisively and fished out a pair of glasses from his pocket, throwing it on to the desk. 'We dragged Lupin into the Ministry this morning, thanks to your ability to write down every meticulous detail on your victims. He was trembling, but he put up quite a marvelous fight. It was highly amusing…'

Sirius stared at the pair of glasses sitting innocently on his desk. He knew those glasses; the way they always slid off of Remus's nose, and how Remus would wander around most of the time complaining about how he was supposed to find his glasses without his glasses. Remus had a hard time seeing clearly without them. 'Where is he?'

'Who?' Snape asked innocently.

'Don't fuck with me!' Sirius screamed, grabbing Snape by the collar and pushing him against the wall. 'Tell me where Remus is before I kill you!'

Snape looked unperturbed. 'How about we trade, Black? A life for a life. Sound fair?'

Sirius frowned, not sure where this was going. Not that it mattered. Sirius would do anything at this point to know where Remus was. Even if Snape asked Sirius to wash his greasy hair every morning, Sirius would do it. 'What do you want?'

'That little black book of yours,' Snape looked directly at the small locked drawer Sirius kept his confidential files in. 'It has information about the Boy Who Lived and the possibility of him being a Horcrux.' Snape's black eyes flared as he scowled, 'Burn it. Every last page. Then forget you ever wrote it.'

Sirius stared, taken aback. 'Why? What does this have to do with you? Why are you doing this?'

Snape looked too bored to answer. 'I was asked to,' he said simply, as if the most obvious answer in the world.

'By Beaumont?'

'Don't make me laugh, Black,' Snape spat, 'Beaumont's an even bigger bastard than you.'

Sirius's grip on Snape's robes loosened and he moved back. A few years ago, Sirius remembered rumours about Snape applying for the position of Defense professor in Hogwarts but failing repeatedly because Dumbledore didn't approve of him. It could be… 'You never had any intention to do this research from the start, did you?' Sirius asked, eyes still searching for answers.

'The dead are meant to be dead, Black. Reincarnation is beyond hum-'

'It doesn't matter,' Sirius interrupted, shaking his head. 'I'll burn it and all the research if you want. I don't really care, so just tell me where Remus is.'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'Basement dungeons, seventeen down. The one used to keep dangerous beasts on trial.'

Sirius grit his teeth, holding back vicious words, and ran out. He ignored the elevator and took the stairs down, two at a time, all the while thinking about Remus. If anything happened to him, Sirius wasn't sure what he would do. If they so much as hurt a hair on Remus's head, Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to control himself. He shouldn't have left Remus alone that time. Sirius should have gone after him and made sure he was alright. There were cages in those dungeons! Remus was probably put in a fucking cage like some kind of animal! Sirius should have killed Beaumont at the very beginning, though that would be a tad unfortunate for him.

'How long are you going to keep silent, werewolf?'

Sirius picked up pace, as he heard Beaumont's voice echo through the corridors; the bastard wasn't even  _trying_ to keep things quiet.  _Bloody, selfish son of a bitch!_ He could feel his anger rising as he got closer, his fingers closing tightly around his wand and his mind already whirring over attack spells he was going to cast.

'I have ways to make you talk, so you keep up with that arrogant attitude and you'll regret never opening that little mouth of yours. I'll-'

' _Expelliarmus!_   _Petrificus Totalus!_ ' Errant ropes flew out, wrapping themselves around Beaumont's petrified body as he fell ungracefully to the floor.

Remus looked up in shock from where he was sitting. 'Sirius?'

' _Stupefy!'_ Sirius screamed, just as one of Beaumont's underlings raised his wand. 'Shite!' he cursed, as a security spell shot out of his opponent's wand. 'Fuck, we need to get out of here.  _Reducto!_ 'Three of the cage bars broke instantaneously, startling Remus into a corner. 'Come on,' Sirius hurried, extending a helping hand towards Remus. 'I know you're afraid of magic, but just bear with it till we get out, alright?'

Remus stared. 'Sirius, what are you doing here?'

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'Rescuing you. Now, get up quickly before half the department chases us down.'

'No,' Remus replied firmly, turning away to face the wall.

Sirius blinked, not sure if he'd gone momentarily mad. 'What?'

Remus rested his chin on bended knees. 'I'll just stay here, thanks.'

'You are always so fucking difficult!' Sirius raged at Remus's insolence. 'I can't believe you're refusing to be rescued when I went through so much trouble, you stupid bastard.'

'I didn't ask you to come!' Remus argued back. 'Why the hell are you here anyway after abandoning me repeatedly and now quarrelling with me? You're the stupid git here, so go back to your desk and file some papers. I'm not bloody moving.'

'Why you little-' Sirius forcefully pulled Remus by the elbow and in one quick swoop, flung Remus over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 'We're going home and then I'm going to fucking slap you for being so careless! And then if I feel like it, I'll apologise for slapping you and being a git to you earlier! For now, if you intend to live, we're going.'

'Padfoot, put me down this instant!' Remus screamed, pounding Sirius's back with his fists. 'Sirius!'

Sirius ignored him and started running as fast as he could, which was not particularly fast since Remus was a lot heavier than he looked. It also did not help that Reus was screaming and struggling like a fish out of water over Sirius's shoulder. 'I am never going to let you go again!' Sirius yelled back, tightening his hold on Remus. His hold, my default position, happened to also be on Remus's arse, so he was granted a free groping and another thwack on the back of his head for it.

'Padfoot, you stupid fuck!' Remus wriggled, pulling Sirius's ears painfully hard. 'I'm supposed to be in that cage! So lock me back in there before something dangerous happens!'

'Bloody hell,' Sirius cursed, as he spotted one of his co-workers from the Department running towards them with his wand drawn. There were others following behind him, each one looking more determined to kill Sirius than the other. They also looked a lot faster, given that they weren't carrying a Remus Lupin on their backs. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck;  _Expelliarmus! Stupefy!_ Moony, listen to me; you're not dangerous. You'll never hurt anyone; well, apart from the whole underground fighting thing. But I know you, and I know that you're always blaming yourself for everything. I know you probably also blamed yourself for Fabian's death.' Sirius knew he'd hit the mark when Remus stopped moving for a split second. 'Oh, hell;  _Stupefy!_ It's not your fault. You can't control everything, Moony; no matter how hard you try. You think yourself as a failure and a monster, but you're not.  _Expelliarmus! Stupefy!_ You're lovely and I-'

'Ouch, you crazy bastard!' Remus interrupted, blindly smacking Sirius in the back of his head. 'That was my eye! You're doing more harm than good, so take me back right now! I don't want to be rescued! Let me go, before I-AAAAAHHHH! Left! Left!'

Sirius whirled around confused and a little miffed. 'What the fuck are you talking about? Can't you at least wait till I'm done with my confession before you-'

'To your left, you git!' Remus screamed, twisting Sirius's head forcefully to his left.

Sirius felt his neck pop and an excruciating pain overcome him. 'I had a crick there, you moron! Bloody, ouch!  _Stupefy!'_ Sirius rubbed his neck, too annoyed by the pain to care that he'd just  _Stupefied_  one of his superiors in the department; the same man who had written him up for a promotion. 'You know, this would be a lot easier if you would just stop struggling and play dead! That way I could tell you how much I love you and that I would do anything for you.'

'Padfoot,' Remus sighed exasperatedly. 'That's well and good, but I-'

'No! Listen!  _Petrificus Totalus!'_ I'm absolutely mad about you!  _Stupefy!'_ Sirius jumped over two of his  _Petrified_ colleagues and swerved to the right, dodging one of the spells whizzing towards him. 'I love the way you're always fussing over me and arguing when I get things wrong. I love that you always cook the things I like best. I even love the moods you have during full moon, but you could really hold out on the chocolate. It's really starting to show in your thighs.' Sirius pushed the elevator button, panting from the run. 'Damn it!  _Stupefy!_ I know you say magic brings misfortune, but magic brought me to you. And magic helped both Fabian and I protect you when we needed to. I love your eyes, your lips, your hair; I  _adore_  you body. I like how you have two sides of you and how stubborn you can be sometimes.'

'Sirius…' Remus whined, annoyed.

'I don't want anyone else but you. I don't want to let you go or make the same mistakes again. I need you. You're the only one who can comfort me when I'm upset and the only one who can make me happy. Moony, I really-' The elevators doors  _ping-ed_  open; Sirius stared.

'Sirius! Remus!' James and Lily cried, equally surprised.

Sirius pushed through them into the lift, jabbing the yellow button to close the doors quickly before they got attacked anymore. 'Hello,' he greeted with a smile, hoping that if he pretended to be normal then no one would notice anything suspicious. He courteously nodded to the red haired gentleman beside them and adjusted his shoulders to support Remus better.

'Prongs! Lily! Save me from this lunatic!' Remus cried, stretching his arms out towards James. Sirius rolled his eyes but let Remus down; they had about twenty floors to go anyway before they could actually get out of this place and go back home.

'Remus, we were so worried! Why are you crying?' Lily asked, hugging Remus tightly. She and James were apologising profusely for something, though Sirius couldn't figure out what.

'I'm not crying. Sirius poked me in the eye with his wand,' Remus explained, 'See why I hate magic? This fucking idiot has made me a fugitive and now I'm going to die in Azkaban!' Remus smiled at the red haired gentleman. 'Very sorry you have to see this Arthur. Do close your eyes if at any point my hand goes around this stupid wanker's neck!'

Sirius fumed. 'Azkaban was the least of your worries! I saved your bloody life! Do you know what they do to illegal werewolves like you? They would have cut you up to pieces if I hadn't come to your aid! I can't believe you-'

'Moony isn't an illegal werewolf,' James cut in, rumpling the back of his hair with a confused look on his face.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'He isn't?'

'I am now, thanks to you,' Remus spat, glaring holes into Sirius.

James shook his head. 'Remus had all his records removed from the Ministry under the condition that he would give up his wand and live in the muggle world, under surveillance of a Ministry official.' James grinned and pointed at himself. 'I'm said Ministry official. We just came to bail him out now.'

'Oh,' Sirius whispered, not sure what to say anymore. It did explain why Remus was struggling so badly and yelling at him. Sirius blushed, feeling the heat rise to his ears as he was couldn't even bring himself to look Remus in the eye. 'I said some pretty embarrassing things back there,' he muttered, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

'And unmanly,' Remus added, going so red, he put the Arthur chap's hair to shame.

Sirius shrugged, pulling out Remus's glasses out of his pocket and unfolding them. 'I meant it,' he replied, placing them over Remus's eyes and smiling shyly.

Remus touched the ridge of his glasses, hands passing over Sirius's fingers which were now cupping his face gently. 'I know,' he whispered, leaning in slowly and touching his lips to Sirius's. 'Thank you for the effort.' He wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders, pulling him closer. 'It was a very romantic rescue.' Remus smiled as Sirius pulled him into a hard kiss.

'So, Arthur,' James laughed uncomfortably. 'How are those kids of yours?'

* * *

 

Jane was laughing so hard, she had tears in your eyes. 'That is horrible,' she giggled, 'but it's completely Remus and Sirius. I don't think anyone would patch their relationship up in an elevator or on a failed rescue mission. So what happens next?'

Lily grinned. 'The end.'

'Eh?' Jane cried, shocked. 'That doesn't explain anything! What about the Horcrux and your fight, and Sirius's job, along with everything else?'

'Oh,' Lily replied, realising that there were quite a few loose ends to her story telling. 'Hm…let's see. We apologised to Remus for everything of course, but I don't think much has changed. James and I still treat Remus the same way, I think. What can I say; old habits die hard.' Lily smiled. 'Sirius lost his job for attacking half the DOM, but so did Beaumont, after Snape testified against him. I think that was the first time, Sirius actually thanked Snape for anything. On the brighter side, James recommended him for a position as auror. Surprisingly, Moody, the chief auror, was the only one actually impressed by Sirius's rescue mission.' Lily thought carefully. 'Remus is better now, I think. He still works at the restaurant, but he's starting to be alright with magic. Sirius forces it onto him mostly.'

'And the Horcrux?' Jane asked, eyes wide with curiosity. 'Did James have it the entire time?'

'Not at all,' Lily said simply. 'Do you remember the photo frame I talked about earlier? The one Harry had made for Remus on his birthday out a cereal box. He even stuck his favourite action figure on it. He's such a little sweetheart,' Lily cooed, then caught herself. 'We taped the Horcrux to the inside of the box; so really, Remus had it all along.' Lily scrunched up her face curiously. 'Now that you mention it, I don't think we've ever told Remus that. I wonder if he knows…'

Jane blinked, as if trying very hard to understand but then giving up. 'What about that issue with sex? Did they ever resolve that?'

'I think there was one incident…'

* * *

 

'Ugh! Take it out! Take it out! Take it out!' Sirius screamed, covering his face with his hands.

'I haven't put in anything yet,' Remus replied, rolling his eyes and moving away. 'This is honestly taking too long.'

'Sorry,' Sirius said slowly, uncovering his face and revealing teary eyes. 'I really can't do this. It's too uncomfortable, and too…'

Remus sighed and flopped on his back, beside Sirius. 'Go ahead.'

Sirius looked at Remus, confused. 'Eh?'

Remus breathed out in exasperation and put the tube of lube in Sirius's hands. 'Go on. You try instead. I'm really getting tired of the usual blowjobs and wanking. We might as well start somewhere, so let's start with my arse.'

Sirius stared at the lube, then at Remus lying naked in front of him, pale skin glowing in the dimmed lamp lights. His hair was disheveled from when Sirius had run his fingers through them in frustration, standing out in odd angles. Sirius swallowed and ran his hand down Remus's side, feeling another bout of arousal when Remus shivered. 'No foreplay?'

Remus  _looked_ at him. The look that Sirius was all too familiar with, because Sirius was the only one Remus ever looked at that way: eyes a dangerous shade of amber that threatened to drown and devour you. Sirius  _loved_ that look. He pushed up on his knees and kissed Remus hard, rubbing his tongue against the roof of Remus's mouth before a feral hunger took over him and he coaxed Remus's tongue to join his own.

'Relax,' Sirius breathed, biting down Remus's neck, while his hands travelled lower. 'I'm good at this.'

Remus's blunt nails dug sharply into Sirius's back. 'Really?'

If Sirius hadn't been so occupied with the glory of Remus's arse, he would have noticed the sarcastic edge to Remus's voice. 'Yeah,' he said distractedly, kissing the inside of Remus's thigh. 'Considering I've slept around quite a bit before I met-' Sirius stopped, as a sense of sudden doom dawned upon him. He looked up at Remus sheepishly. 'I just ruined the mood, didn't I?' he asked, already knowing Remus's answer, and hoping against all odds, Remus's would think differently.

Remus glared at him. 'Colossally,' he stated, reaching for his shorts.

Remus's arse, Sirius figured, was perhaps not the best place to start, after all.

* * *

 

Lily parked the car behind a silver pickup. 'We're here.'

'Wait, you didn't tell me who went top at the end of the day. Was it-oh!' Jane stopped midway, her mouth wide open. 'You told me it was a small get together…'

Lily smiled abashedly, twirling a strand of red hair between her fingers. 'It was meant to be, but things got blown out of proportion a little. Come on,' she insisted, pulling on Jane's hand. 'I can't believe we've missed so much. Remus has already started.

The Potter's residence was currently playing host to a massive white altar, a stream of violets running ringlets down the side pillars. There were little place tables here and there, with flower and crystal arrangements, and a buffet that stood to the side, caterers smartly dressed and standing stiffly in wait for the ceremony to finish. Eight rows of chairs on either side were already occupied by guests, and Lily had to swerve around them to find two empty ones at the back row. Remus and Sirius were already standing in the altar, dressed in their best suits and matching tiffany blue shirts (Lily's choice), and beaming brilliantly. Harry was standing in between them, looking uncomfortable in his own tailored and stiff suit, as he held the ring box patiently.

'You see,' Lily whispered, leaning in, 'my son, Harry is five, and just recently started going to school. I'm not sure where he got the idea from, but he comes home one day and tells Sirius that people who are in love need to get married in order to live with each other. It was all quite a laugh really, but Harry was completely serious. I honestly didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise, so I convinced those two to do it.' Lily grinned conspiratorially. 'I think they were all embarrassed at first, but then James and Sirius really bonded over it and somehow it amassed to some kind of pureblood spending spree. It really was just meant to be a small get together. Nothing formal; just an exchange of vows and rings.'

The crowd laughed at a joke Remus had just cracked. Jane too, was currently too engrossed to listen to Lily and her explanation of the whole fiasco. Lily smiled.

'As of today, a part of me has become a whole,' Remus finished, slipping a thin silver band onto Sirius's finger. 'Forever and always.'

The crowd broke into applause as Sirius blushed brightly.

'There are a lot of things I didn't know before I met you,' Sirius broke in, before he could be embarrassed any further. 'The feeling of having a home, not a house, and a family that comes along with it, whether you like it or not.' Sirius pointedly looked at James in the front row, making everyone break out into laughter. 'The utter bliss of having someone cook edible food for you and greet you when you come home from a bad day at work. The power of loving someone so hard that you feel as if you're nothing without them. And also, the feeling of loneliness and desperation when you can't be with that special someone for one waking hour.' Sirius smiled and held Remus's hand. 'I'm not very good with speeches and I'm not very good with telling you how I feel most of the time. So when I call you a wanker after a long day, I'm just trying to say I missed you. When I'm arguing over who hogs all the sheets, I'm trying to say that I need you to come closer and embrace me. And today, as I put this ring on your finger, I'm just trying to say that I love you; won't you be mine?'

The camera flashed as Remus and Sirius bent down to place a kiss on either side of Harry's cheeks.

Jane sniffled and Lily handed her a tissue from her purse, before wiping her own eyes gingerly. 'Don't you just love weddings?'

* * *

 

Molly Weasley hugged Remus tightly, kissing him lightly on the cheek. 'Congratulations,' she said happily. 'You could have chosen a better man, but I'm just glad you're happy again!'

Remus laughed as Sirius glared at her. Molly and Sirius didn't get along very well, by clash of personality, and often taunted each other openly. 'Thank you, Molly. I'm glad you could come.'

'Yes, Molly,' Sirius chimed, with strained politeness. 'We're really glad you made it, what with another child on the way and all.'

Molly huffed, hugged Remus one more time and left.

Sirius growled in annoyance. 'God, I hate her. Insufferable woman.'

'Padfoot!' Remus scolded, though secretly enjoying the look on irritation on Sirius's face. 'Be nice. She can't help hating you, just like she can't help having red haired children every nine months.'

Sirius held back a chuckle, as they thanked another one of their guests. 'Did I mention I love you?' he whispered, brushing his hand against Remus's.

'You did,' Remus affirmed, 'right into a microphone, not too long ago.'

Sirius laughed and bumped Remus shoulders playfully. Caught unawares by the sudden push, Remus found his eyes widening as he crashed backwards into the table of hors d'oeuvres. 'Oh dear, look at that,' Sirius said, staring down at a shocked Remus who was being helped by a many of the concerned guests. 'You're jacket is completely ruined!' Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulders, leading him forcefully into the house. 'We should get that cleaned right away. Can't stay at your wedding with a filthy jacket now, can you? We'll be right back, chaps!' Sirius waved charmingly. 'Moony, you have salmon behind your ear.'

Remus, utterly taken over by Sirius's pace, shot James and Lily a puzzled look. All he got in reply were sniggers and rolled eyes. 'Padfoot, you don't have to pull me like that. I can walk just fine. Padfoot!' Remus huffed irritably, as Sirius closed the door behind them, allowing Remus a good look at himself in the mirror. 'Urgh! Look at me! I can't believe you ruined my good shirt, Padfoot,' he complained, taking off his jacket and surveying himself with disgust.

Sirius sauntered up from behind, wrapping his arms around Remus. 'You look better without it anyway.' He started unbuttoning Remus's shirt slowly, kissing a slick line down Remus's neck. 'You taste like cheese; I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.'

'I can't believe you!' Remus cried, as he caught on Sirius's cheeky grin. 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?'

Sirius's answer was to pull off Remus's shirt completely, letting it fall in a pile on the floor. 'I can't help it,' Sirius whispered hoarsely, turning Remus to face him and starting on his belt buckle. 'You were standing there completely unawares to how fine your arse was looking in those trousers. Oh well, better off than on…' Sirius flung Remus's trousers to a haphazard corner of the room, and fondled Remus's arse. 'They've had their fill of you. It's my turn now…'

Remus raised an eyebrow, grabbed Sirius's wandering wrists and walked forcefully forwards until the back of Sirius's knees hit the sofa and he fell back. 'You played enough last night,' Remus said, working to get Sirius equally naked underneath him. 'Don't think I'll let you get away with fucking me twice.' Remus toyed with the elastic of Sirius's pants, letting his hand wander down idly, but not quite touching. His fingers traced nimble patterns on the inside of Sirius's thighs.

'Moony,' Sirius whined, moving impatiently in search of friction. 'Don't be a tease.'

'I'm not,' Remus assured, firmly proving his point as his hand closed around Sirius. He swallowed Sirius's moan of surprise, nipping and licking at Sirius's bottom lip indulgently. Programmed to Sirius's personality perfectly, Remus found the tube of lube in the back pocket of Sirius's trousers. As expected, Sirius had planned it all along. 'Bastard,' Remus chided affectionately, slicked hands travelling lower.

Sirius chuckled and then broke into a loud moan, as Remus hit just the right spot. 'Fuck,' he cursed, arms wrapping around Remus's neck and blunt nails digging into Remus's back. 'Don't tease, Moony. I'll die-ah!' Sirius's eyes widened as Remus thrust deep into him. 'Ngh! Slower…fuck…'

'Sorry,' Remus apologised, kissing Sirius chastely on the cheek. 'Couldn't help it. You alright now?'

Sirius nodded, closing his eyes tightly as Remus set a slow, but steady rhythm. 'Hey, Moony,' Sirius mumbled, intertwining his fingers with Remus's left hand. 'I know this is entirely cheesy, but I'd really glad Lily talked us into this.'

'Sex?'

Sirius hit Remus's lightly in the arm. 'This whole ceremony; wedding ritual or what may you call it.' He kissed the thin silver band on Remus's ring finger, sending shivers down Remus's spine. 'I love you.'

'You just wanted a chance to bind me to you,' Remus groaned, finding himself thrusting deeper and faster, as he watched Sirius's face twist and change with pleasure. He could never resist Sirius's face; the graceful slide of his hair underneath Remus's fingers and the strewn together arch of his eyebrows as he concentrated on moving in synch with Remus. 'Here I was, driving myself mad for weeks to come up with a romantic inscription, and you do this.' Remus would never admit it, but he didn't hate the ring.  _Property of Sirius Black,_ it said in boldly carved letters; just looking at it made Remus feel special. He was Sirius's.

Sirius's whole body arched against Remus's. The inscription on his ring glinted momentarily as Sirius's hands flew out to grip Remus tightly, his orgasm washing over him like rough tides during a full moon.  _Pour toujours et toujours_ _._ Forever and always. Sirius panted against Remus's neck, the heat of his body and warm breath mingling with Remus's.

'You alright?' Remus asked, gently brushing Sirius's hair from his face; kissing Sirius's cheeks, his eyes, the tip of his nose. Remus didn't want to pull out yet. Loathed to admit it, but he was enchanted by Sirius. Completely captured by his charm and in a continuous daze of disbelief and happiness. Remus touched Sirius's lips lightly with his own, lingering with his eyes closed but not going any further. Just a gentle touch was enough to have Remus smiling contently into the kiss.

Neither of them heard the front door open.

'Hello. I'm sorry. I heard so much about the two of you from Lily and I just wanted to meet you, and congr-'

Remus and Sirius broke off, startled from the sudden entrance of a blond woman. Remus vaguely remembered noticing her earlier because she's been sitting with Lily and dressed in overtly formal attire. Remus had figured she was one of Sirius's uptight family members; he'd mentioned having a cousin who'd married a muggle.

The poor woman's jaw was currently threatening to unhinge.

'Thank you for coming,' Sirius said, breaking the awkward silence. It was probably not the most effective thing to say when Sirius still had Remus's cock in his arse.

Embarrassed, the woman blushed furiously and ran out of the house, the door slamming behind her.

Sirius looked at Remus curiously. 'Who was that?'

Remus looked at the closed door and shrugged. 'No clue…'

* * *

**The End**

* * *

 


End file.
